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Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle

~ The Home Pub of the Famous Pink Drinks and Trotter's Ale

Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle

Author Archives: Therese Trouserzoff

The First Australians ?

29 Monday Jun 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Warrigal Mirriyuula

≈ 5 Comments

bradshaw rock art2

Bradshaw Rock Art

There’s a fellow living in Brisbane by the name of Grahame Walsh. He’s just like you and me, no one particularly important, except in one very important respect. He is the world expert on the so-called Bradshaw Aboriginal Rock Art of the Kimberley. No one else even comes close.

Every dry season for the past several decades Grahame has made his way, alone most of the time, to the Kimberley to seek out and record what is perhaps the earliest available record of the human occupation of this continent. Surviving on silence and tinned tuna, he has amassed thousands of pages of notes and literally millions of meticulously catalogued images. He is responsible for the creation of the only working system for delineating the phases of this art.

‘It’s my life’s obsession, and I’ve devoted everything I had to it,” Grahame told a Fairfax journo a few years ago. “Health, wealth, personal happiness and friendship, I’ve sacrificed the lot in the quest. Now I’m 60, two buggered knees, my wife’s gone, and I’ve got no dough – but I’ve gained a higher understanding of the cognitive development of humankind than probably anyone else in this country.”

What makes this interesting is that Grahame has no formal art history or anthropological training, no degrees in archaeology, paleopsychology or cognitive philosophy, indeed no formal training at all. He was however, awarded an honorary doctorate from Melbourne University late in 2004 in acknowledgement of his life’s work. He is entirely self made, an autodidact; and like a lot of autodidacts he’s got some ideas that tend to get the hackles of more formally trained academics well and truly up.

Grahame Walshe: loner, autodidact and world authority on the Bradshaw art.

Grahame Walshe: loner, autodidact and world authority on the Bradshaw art.

His ideas include the notion that the Bradshaw art is not strictly speaking “indigenous”. Grahame doesn’t think there’s any cultural connection between the art and the indigenous communities living in the Kimberley at this time. He may be right. Linguistic analysis seems to suggest that the current locals, while claiming both guardianship and a cultural connection, are none the less as separate from the artists as Grahame himself is. Further; physical analysis of the art has proven a minimum age of greater than 17K years. This was achieved by dating individual silicon grains in the fabric of a wasp’s nest built on top of an artwork. Not exactly a clincher, given that this doesn’t in any way actually date the art. Other attempts to date the material of the art itself have been unsuccessful to date as the pigments and binders used by the early artists have petrified. There is strong evidence to suggest that the preparation of these colouring agents and the binders is another lost technology. Current indigenous artists need to readdress their work from time to time to keep the colour in the work, whereas the Bradshaws have maintained their strength of colour over tens of thousands of years.

So what is it about the Bradshaws or Gwion Gwion, as the Ngarinyin call them, that makes them so compulsively fascinating to Grahame and almost everyone that claps eyes on them?

Well they’re different, really different!

More like rock art from areas of The Sahara, or South East Asia, than anything else in Australia; the Bradshaws depict such strange things as hoofed deer. Not at all common this side of the Wallace Line and suggesting that the artists had some familiarity with these beasts. The images incorporate such diagnostic elements as an “horizon line” and rudimentary perspective. These elements are almost entirely absent from later indigenous art. They also depict what are arguably large ocean going vessels carrying goodly numbers of people, 29 in one instance. In contrast archaeological evidence relating to the current indigenous people of this continent suggests that water-craft of any kind, obviously present at the time of colonisation, must none the less have been a technology that was discarded or lost after landfall and only re-invented many thousands of years later. Maritime iconography is entirely absent from later aboriginal art right up until the last few thousand years when simple river and harbour canoes begin to appear.

Ian Wilson in his 2006 book, “The Lost World of The Kimberley” suggests that the art may predate the movement of the current indigenous population into this country. He reminds us that at Glacial Maxima the lower sea level would have extended the coastal plain beyond the current shore and connected and enlarged Australia and New Guinea into what geologists and paleogeographers call Sahul. The Indonesian Archipelago would have been a continuous land mass incorporated into a huge low plain connecting the highlands of Malaysia, Sumatra and Java with Borneo, with an enlarged Sulawesi to the East across a narrow strait.

Wilson suggests that this may have created a kind of equatorial Mediterranean. A protected sea almost entirely surrounded by land across which the many peoples of this environmentally rich area would have travelled to trade and for the acquisition of new territory. The so-called Banda People or Bugis are sometimes called the sea gypsies and it is from their name that the expression “Boogieman” originates. One only has to think of the Bangkok water markets to understand the longstanding utility of a water-based way of life in Asia. Wilson suggests that maybe it was the ancestors of these Asiatic people that worked the Bradshaw magic; but that at some point, as the sea level began to rise rapidly along the low gradient Kimberley coast at the end of an ice age, these people simply filled their ocean going canoes and abandoned their Austral experiment for greater certainty across the Banda Sea in the north, once again leaving the The Great South Land empty until the next wave of colonisers arrived probably via a route to the north and down through New Guinea. Later indigenous art, while wonderful in itself, simply doesn’t have the dynamism and freedom of form and execution characteristic of the Bradshaw art. It’s driven by a different aesthetic and almost certainly has a different cultural motivation.

027spirit02rockart

You see, we do just strut and fret for a moment and then we go, to be heard from no more; and I wonder who it was that executed these stunning works. These people that transformed thousands of rock overhangs into galleries of great art and then passed away leaving nothing but the art and a mystery still waiting to be teased out of deep time.

Graham Walshe is probably there now. I wonder what he’s found this year.

Warrigal Mirriyuula

Glenda says Goodbye to Farrah Fawcett Majors.

29 Monday Jun 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Ladies Lounge

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farrah_fawcett

After closing, Glenda stood inside her quiet Pigs Legs Waxing and Beauty Salon staring at the poster of Farrah Fawcett Majors on the wall. Her girls had left, and the closing night shone through the uncurtained windows giving an eerie glow to the hygenic tiles around the hair washing basins.

She sighed deeply and without knowing, picked up the razor, remembering the way she used to thin out the layers, Farrah-style. There was a lot of servicing in Farrah hairsyle – the cut, the layering, the colouring, the perm, and the big blow wave with the gel.

It was a good time, a big time, coming out of the au-naturale days of the early 70’s. There was the Afro, the Olivia Newton-John Grease-style perm, the Bo-Derek plaits, but nothing was bigger than the Farrah.

Glenda had known about the anal cancer of course. She’d talked about it several times a day since 2006. Wherever the ladies were sitting Glenda was always on hand with a cuppa and a magazine – and six times out of ten, there was brave Farrah smiling from the pages.

Glenda hadn’t known she’d been holding her breath, but as she reached the moment of resignation it flowed, driving the lips of her lost-in-the-moment face into an unexpected pout.

A lift of her shoulders signalled intention, and with her new breath and life she walked over to the poster. Carefully, reverently, she took it down. She pulled off the bluetack that had been replaced several times, rolled it into a ball, and then lifted the razor to scrape off the final remains.

She stared at the poster one last time, remembering the time she wore her own hair Farrah-style – the night she kissed young Mervin.

“Goodbye Farrah” she said. “I loved you. And if I’d had your teeth, things would’ve been different.”

Glenda was sentimental, but practical. She screwed up the poster, chucked it in the bin, drew the blinds, pulled on her coat, picked up her keys, downed the lights, took a last look around, blew out another goodbye, and shut the door.

She turned right and walked towards her car. Then stopped, spun 180 degrees on her heels, walked back past her salon, and right into the Pigs Arm’s. “Come in for a pink?” said Merv. “Expected you tonight” he said in his one on one way.

She gave him a flick of her hair and a lips-sealed smile. “Have Belinda bring it into the Ladies Lounge, Merv.”

Is Vic Bitter over Trotters Ale ?

27 Saturday Jun 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Mark, The Public Bar

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Trotters Ale Pic 2

Thumbing through Vic Bitter’s “Essential Guide to Beer Drinking, Australia – Vol 375” this article appeared in the chapter called “Boutique Brews” and reviews Trotters Ale – the beer that’s queer.

The Pigs Arms offers a unique experience with beer drinking. Brewed on the premises by the owner/publican “Merv”, Trotters Ale is a life changing experience.

I meet Merv who is a tall thin man with a pot belly wearing pink shorts and a t-shirt with “I didn’t see YOU in Vietnam 73” emblazoned on the front. Merv had black boots on with the words “Manne 1” on the right and “Manne 2” on the left written in white-out across the toes, how strange? Merv tells me Manne likes to have a kick around sometimes. On his arm he has a tattoo, a heart with the words “I love Blenda” curved around one side, when pressed Merv tells me he was dating Belinda but half way through getting the tattoo Belinda broke it off, so he started dating Glenda, “Had to have something there” he says. Some patrons are sitting in the courtyard around a wood oven, Merv informs me that they’re the “unleashed” and assures me they will speak about Trotters Ale.

A sign hangs over the bar that reads “If you order Trotters Ale leave your health insurance details with the barmaid”. I’m both puzzled and nervous. Belinda, the barmaid, pulls two glasses. She’s wearing a soggy sombrero and looks nervously at the window. The beer itself has a red glow and is served cold in a curvilinear glass. It has a small but notable vapour. My heart is racing. The glass is saying “drink me, drink me”. The ale has a unique aroma that is a cross between dead fish and the durian fruit. I take a deep sip. My mouth wants to cave in. In my head I hear a piercing scream of some wild creature in pain.

The mouthfeel is somewhat chewy and I was unsure as to whether I would live or die. I smile feebly however Merv is looking at me, grinning, “Bootiful idn’t it”. I try to drink more to impress Merv, I mean I’ve sampled thousands of beers this one wasn’t going to beat me. I feel as though some form of exchange is happening between me and the beer and Merv orders some wedges. Flashes of colour seem to be bouncing off the walls and the floor starts to shift. The wedges arrive and I eat some. “Their granny’s hot chilli” I’m told. My chest is pounding now and waves of nausea are crashing over me. I’m swallowing the beer like nothing on earth. More wedges, yes more wedges. The nausea starts to recede and my heart rate slows, the room returns to focus and I’m finished my drink. I’m starting to feel better but I’m incapable of speech. My lips move and the words “My round” stroll out of my mouth and across the bar and into Belinda’s ear. Two more beers are poured and we consume more wedges.

I’m feeling really good now, yeah, this is good beer. A peculiar smile appears on Merv’s face and he shows me into the courtyard where the “unleashed” are eating mushroom pizza’s and wedges. “This is Vic” Merv says “He wants to talk about Trotters”. I ask the group about what they think of Trotters Ale. A man called Emmjay says “Look old chap, the by-product of maltose, sacchyomyces and H2O is always welcome in my digestive tract”, hmmm, a scientist. The man next to him called Hung, thrusts out his glass and pleads “More?” Another, Warrigal, tells me “The’ beers are goo man, weawy goo”. The comments are coming now, the unleashed are off the hook. “Beware the DNA of Medea”, says atomou as his voice evaporates and his eyes narrow, “It’s okay but its not shiraz, anyone seen my chasseur? From Doncherry you know, cost a fortune” declares Gez, “You don’t think a stunning looking woman like me would drink beer do you?” replies Helvi, “I’m too busy cleaning up shit from child care” utters Glenda, “I think it illustrates that Lenin had a point in delivering the Goelro plan as part of the communist manifesto” states Voice. A voluptuous looking woman enters and sits next to Hung, it’s Tutu “Pink drinks for me, although since Merv has started putting tomato juice in the brew it’s good on a hot day”, tomato juice in beer, surely no one puts tomato juice in beer! The last one in the group is Jayell. I ask him about Trotter’s, “Well Yes, what a Wag, nah, not for me”

My phone rings, it’s Danny, “Hey Vic, I got you that ute”, ah yes Trotters Ale, very queer indeed. In the background I hear the faint sound of a guitar and a tune floats across the air just like rocks don’t, “Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay , Si, Si, Signora , My sister Belinda She pissed out her window on top of my new sombrero”

….. as told to Hung One On….

Will Merv Take a Shot at Keelty’s Old Job ?

26 Friday Jun 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Politics in the Pig's Arms

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keeltyindisguise (2)

Speculation was rife at the Pig’s Arms last night when Merv spent an inordinate amount of time in the Pig’s Legs having Glenda attend to his dial. The word in the front bar is that Merv intends to throw his hat into the ring as the new head of the APF and that he’s preparing for an interview.

His old mate Clarrie (Claret to Merv) from the now disbanded Division 21 (Liquor Licensing) team dropped a bombshell when he pointed out the unusually large number of former members of the force currently sheltering in the comparatively placid pool of licensed publicans.

Punters at the Pig’s have understandably started to join the dots and are coming to appreciate the nature of the cosy relationship that Merv has with the Pig’s resident bikie gang of geometricians – the Hells Angles.

Merv, on the other hand has started to wear his sunnies inside and on rainy days at night, claiming he has conjunctivitis, but Manne has sprung him doing little speeches into the mirror about strategic initiatives in the war on terriers (Helvi take note) and importation of boogie bags.

Danny said that he saw Tom Peterson – former ABC morning anchorman sipping a pink drink and leafing through a presentation copy of “How to Win Friends and Avoid Dropping Important People in the Shit” with Merv. Merv was nodding quite a lot and looking surprised with his new-found knowledge. Clearly Merv is banking on being able to emulate Keelty – wrangling the press corp and enjoying the kind of control that only expert spinners like Peterson can bring to a turning pitch.

Nobody is buying the story Merv put to Danny – that his urgent demand to have the Jag serviced and tanked up – was for a pressing need to visit to the national Gallery to see the new soft scuplture exhibition.

The consensus in the Pig’s Arms was that Merv would be really a great candidate for Keelty’s job, considering his vast experience watering down things at the Pig’s and because his inadhesive qualities rival granny’s Teflon wedge pans.

Our thanks to Indonesian Press for the loan of their their photo of Keelty

Pig’s Legs Waxing and Beauty Salon

25 Thursday Jun 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay, Ladies Lounge

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Beauty school was tough for Glenda and it took her a long time before she was able to successfully contour an eyebrow without injuring the client.

Beauty school was tough for Glenda and it took her a long time before she was able to successfully contour an eyebrow without injuring the client.

Warrigal’s Digital Mischief

Maddy Aways the Pave

25 Thursday Jun 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Ladies Lounge

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house front view (2)The last of the salvage happened on Sunday. Except for a broken piece of charcoal the memories bound up in the rubble are headed for landfill.

It was a house. Then it was a flameball. Then it exploded. Glenda saw the whole thing.

The bushfire wasn’t far from the Pigs Arms and Glenda had sat it out in the furthest back car park in Danny’s air conditioned ute with her dog, just outside our place. Danny thought it would be safer than the pub because he knew what Merv stored in the ladies lounge velour box seats for the bikies.

Glenda and Danny’s house burnt too, and she doesn’t know if she can be bothered going through the trouble of rebuilding for the sake of living together with Danny. Couples uncertain rent a place. Couples with certainty buy a place. Only the most deeply committed, bored, idealistic, creative or naïve build a house. G &D are none of these.

We’re definitely rebuilding, but I’ve been having trouble with the paving. The paving covered the space separating the laundry and toilet outbuildings from the house and had survived the fire in perfect condition. But the demolisher’s trucks would demolish the paving. If we wanted to save it we had to pull it apart. It was hard.

The survivor paving gave civilization to this wreck of a block – smooth, drained, perfect – a place to walk safely between the shattered asbestos piles to the blackened garden. And it was a bit sacred, heralding from the most precious times of our early life together with our firstborn – laid with our hands, sprinkled with sands. It was imbued with the champagne of christenings and Christmases, games, snow, and now fire. Friendly ants lived below, and lizards beside.

We intended to relay it, but what if we couldn’t put it down with the same quality of love and commitment? What if it couldn’t collect the same precious memories? What if the paving was the only remnant of our beginnings holding us together? The house was gone, the garden was gone – what if the last embodied foundation of our lives shattered as we pulled apart?

three chimneys (2)I’d moved ‘hundreds’ of pieces of corrugated roofing iron and gutters, fridge, oven, vacuum cleaner, bath, wood fire heater, washing machine, trough, all the bits of metal piping, cappings and edging one finds in a house. I’d picked up all the crockery and ceramics that could be used in a mural, and searched for remnants of ‘valuable’ memories. One by one we pulled down the three chimneys, chipped the old mortar from the bricks and moved them to a safe place. Eventually only the pavers and the hot water system remained.

My prudent husband was afraid the free demolishers would move out of town before we were ‘ready’, and the pressure was on. I asked him about our relationship (and not only once). If he was uncertain, I would not pull the paving apart, hanging onto the precious qualities and memories it bound.

In the end I had to take his assurances, and Sunday was ‘paver-day’. All five of us began to pick up the pavers, wash them, wheel them, and stack them.

The children quickly tired, and the girls went off to collect pieces of charcoal remains from the cupboard where their toys had died (mostly teddies). I plan to re-sew them, but their plan is to re-imbue their spirit with the charcoal.

I claimed the right to pick up the last few pavers, like a jigsaw puzzle in reverse, as though they were the key to bring it all back together.

Only the hot water system remained, and as the night fell and the rain began to fall, with a glove on his left and its partner on my right, we pushed together, crashing the old copper onto the asbestos. He left with the children but I stayed. It would all be gone when I next returned.

The old copper was heaving in the silence. Intermittently obeying the laws of gravity and air pressure, water flowed out, air bubbled in. Water, air, water, air, and to this rhythm of upheaval visions and memories flooded my mind. In a trance I moved around the house and watched the haunting poignant memories the moment chose to reveal.

At my firstborn’s bedroom I see his cot. I see the austerity of the room, the dark cold floor, the plaited cold rag rug, I see the single bed. It looks wrong – so austere, no comfort, no warmth surrounds him. The memory seems the embodiment of regret.

At the laundry I see myself washing nappies. Precious time, but how hard I worked. At the outside toilet I see my young son walking towards the door. I remember this particular moment – the toilet was rather grim, from my adult judgment I thought he would be afraid (I don’t know why), but he walked forward with optimism and I felt elevated wonder at his fearless, oblivious hope.

The hot water service heaved on and I progressed around the house in the rain. Down the ‘paving’, over the deck, past the fireplace, and back to the corner where I began. And then it was over. There was nothing left that had to be done. And still the old copper heaved.

There was no reason left to stay, and the moment to leave was faced. An imperative drove me to our bedroom. I walked to our bed, where our firstborn had slept on one night when he was ten days old. Everything had felt right – he slept – warm, safe, between us – and I slept. I picked up a piece of charcoal and it immediately broke in two – a big piece and a little piece. I held them softly together in my hand, and waited in the rain for the moment to leave. I tried but returned, back and forth again, and again, because when I left it would be the last time.

Finally the deed was done and as I walked down the path I looked through the big leafless trees in the garden and vowed “I will never leave you; I will never ever leave you”. And I don’t know who I was talking to.

And even if our relationship falls apart because the paving’s gone and the beautiful and strange memories have been trucked away with the charcoal, I will be rebuilding because it’s a place I will never leave.

And as for Danny and Glenda, her colourist and nail assistant have told her a thousand times that Danny’s got the good end of the stick. But Glenda’s a sucker and Danny knows it. Danny’s got a friend in the building industry who can whack up a house the same as the last one – it won’t be like they have to make any ‘decisions for future life together’. Glenda will have her salon, Danny’s got his car yard.

It was good to see the pub mostly unharmed, and in one of those weird moments of ‘community’ I kissed Merv when I saw he’d made it. There’d been an explosion in the Ladies Lounge (granny had copped some flak), but when the renovations are finished there’ll be somewhere other than this Morose Drunks Corner for an emotional chat.

Wedge a la Nonna

Wedge a la Nonna aka Bombe Awedges

Granny’s invented a new dish for the grande reopening – she calls it Bombe Awedges – firey on the outside – coool on the inside.

Ladies’ Lounge Renovations Finally Completed

25 Thursday Jun 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Ladies Lounge

≈ Leave a comment

Modelled on the Famous Spongobongo Ladies Lounge

Modelled on the Famous Spongobongo Ladies Lounge

Merv announced today the completion (finally) of the renovations for the Pig’s Arms Ladies Lounge. He was quoted as saying “I’m looking to create a comfortable and safe – even ‘homey’ environment for the ladies of Inner West Cyberia to gather together and exchange pleasantries.

Use of beer mats will be mandatory.

And no cussin’ or spittin’ on the floor !”

Patrons are expecting a slight rise in the cost of pink drinks – in line with rises in the CPPI (Charge Pig’s Patrons Incredibly).

Merv is expecting to recover costs by Friday afternoon.

Duck and Cover

24 Wednesday Jun 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Politics in the Pig's Arms

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Scrooge McTurnbull

Scrooge McTurnbull

“When times are hard and political progress seems even more difficult than usual, Malcolm returns to his roots and seeks refuge in a visit to his money. Obeying the age old laws of plutocracy, he dons the uniform common to his class and enters his vault. After reverently whispering the ritual invocation, “The way to make money is when there is blood running in the streets”, he discards the traditional duck lips and topper to more closely inspect one of his finer nuggets.

“Mmmmm”, says Malcolm, ” I wonder if you can get a Bentley ute”

Warrigal

Shock Link Between Gretsch and Lennon Suggests Communist Plot

24 Wednesday Jun 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Bands at the Pig's Arms, Emmjay

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In rapidly unfolding developments from Afga today, an Email traced by the APF (Another Pathetic Fuckwit) to Orrigalway, revealed an undeniable link and a possible Communist plot – between two characters of the moment:

The Email reads :

Mear JM

I hab fotaphic, fotogab, pruf of connextyon, lungk, ti up between Grech and Lennin. Ziz komi plod.
C attamens

Gretsch Country Gentleman

Dizzy

The photographic evidence taken by the Greco-Sino papparazo Photos Hop is unassailable.

This is without a doubt the “smoking gun” to which “Smokin’ Joe Hockey has been referring

One of the Lennongrad Cowboys

One of the Lennongrad Cowboys

Armin Denies Grech Link

24 Wednesday Jun 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Politics in the Pig's Arms

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12364_Godwin-GrechThe discussion in the Pig’s Arms front bar has been heating up all week.

Armin was the first to stake his claim over total dominance of the high moral ground.

“I have never received a phone call from either Malcolm Turnbull or Joe Hockey. Not in recent weeks, not ever. And despite my purchase of a second-hand ute from Danny next door, I have never sought financial assistance from Wayne Swan”.

“I bought it with bar tips and from money I earned doing courier work for the Hell’s Angles.”

“Exactly what kind of courier work ?” inquired Merv.

“They often get me to carry soap powder over to their laundry in Canberra”.

“Like the soap powder famously found in Emmjay’s boogie board?” snorted Merv.

“I guess so”, said Armin, “Apparently there’s a huge whitewash job underway in Treasury. They seem to be having a bit of a problem with leaky equipment though, and there’s supposed to be a huge puddle running all the way from Godwin Grech’s hard drive, down the street, past Liberal Party headquarters and ending up in Steve Lewis’ in-tray”.

Seeking to distance himself from an earlier post concerning a desire for a new guitar, Emmjay pointed out (that as Hung has since confirmed), the guitar in question was a Gretsch and also definitely had nothing to do with the Grech currently experiencing random memory failure.

“I may have offered Kevin Rudd the use of my Zephyr – strictly for campaign purposes – but I have never sought special favours – particularly in relation to charges concerning an unfortunate international incident commonly known as the ‘yellow crocheted swimmers affair’.

Merv said that scurrilous rumours that he had swayed Steve Fielding to vote one way or the other on the pink alcopops legislation were completely unfounded.

By this stage it was getting pretty crowded on the small patch of high ground next to the bar, and there was barely enough room left for Anatomou to deny any familial connection with Nick Xenophon, or specific advantage gained from a few billion dollars of Penny Wong’s Murray Darling cash for the environment concession.

The unspoken and pivotal comment was left – as usual – to Voice.

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