• The Pig’s Arms
  • About
  • The Dump

Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle

~ The Home Pub of the Famous Pink Drinks and Trotter's Ale

Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle

Author Archives: Therese Trouserzoff

A Strange Co-incidence

23 Thursday May 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Joe Carli

≈ 9 Comments

Image result for Caesar on the way to the senate, pics.

Story by Joe Carli – first published in freef’all852

“ It is a strange coincidence that in the same years, in which Labor was creating beyond the Canberra Bubble, a work to last for decades, there was enacted in LNP headquarters one of the most extravagant political farces that was ever produced upon the stage of the Australia’s history.  The usurper “regents of the commonwealth” did not rule, but shut themselves up in the House and sulked in silence.

The former half-deposed government did not rule, but sighed, sometimes in private amidst the confidential circles of the political offices, sometimes in chorus in the senate-house. The portion of the moderate middle-class LNP which had still at heart freedom and order was disgusted with the reign of confusion, but utterly without leaders and counsel it maintained a passive attitude – not merely avoiding all political activity, but keeping aloof, as far as possible, from the political Sodom itself.

The Right-wing Anarchists On the other hand .. the rabble of every sort never had better days, never found a merrier arena.  The number of little great men was legion. Demagogism became quite a trade, which accordingly did not lack its professional insignia — the threadbare mantle of “Pauline’s People”, the shaggy beard, the long streaming hair of the media queens, the deep bass voice of the Queensland con-man; and not seldom it was a trade with golden soil.  For the standing declamations the tried gargles of the theatrical staff of the MSM were an article in much request; Speculators and Businessmen, aspirant working-class and intern-slaves, were the most regular attenders and the loudest criers in the public assemblies; frequently, even when it came to a vote in the House, only a minority of those voting consisted of citizens constitutionally entitled to do so.

“Next time,” it is said in a letter of this period,”we may expect our lackeys to outvote the Retirees-tax.”

The real powers of the day were the compact and cashed-up bands, the battalions of anarchy raised by adventurers of rank out of negative geared lackeys and blackguards.  Their possessors had from the outset been in some cases numbered among the Labor party; but since the departure of the honesty and courage of the fourth estate, “who alone knew how to impress democracy, and alone knew how to manage it”, all discipline had departed from them and every partisan practised politics at their own hand.

Even now, no doubt, these people fought with most pleasure under the banner of freedom; but, strictly speaking, they were neither of democratic nor of anti-democratic views; they inscribed on the — in itself indispensable — banner, as it happened, now the name of “by, with and for the people”, and then hence that of the party or that of a party-chief; Palmer for instance fought or professed to fight in succession for democracy, for the senate, and for Morrison.

The leaders of these bands kept to their colours only so far as they inexorably persecuted their personal enemies–as in the case of Morrison against Shorten and Pauline against Muslims — while their partisan position served them merely as a handle in these personal feuds. We might as well seek to set a charivari ( charivari – a noisy mock serenade performed by a group of people to celebrate a marriage or mock an unpopular person.) to music as to write the history of this political witches’ revel; nor is it of any moment to enumerate all the deeds of character murder, besiegings of political offices, acts of incendiarism and other scenes of violence within the realm of various cities, and to reckon up how often the gamut was traversed from hissing and shouting to spitting on and trampling down opponents, and thence to throwing eggs and the drawing of metaphorical swords.”

The above piece is a direct quote from Theodore Mommsen’s chapter 8 fifth book on his “History of Rome” published in 1866, with just some name changes and localising of events … Yet the accuracy and pertinacity of his words ring down through the ages, as does his direct recording of those events that led to civil war and the collapse of the Roman Republic.

What we are witnessing in these times is a turning point similar to that of the end of the Republic of Rome where an accumulation of top-end wealth and power had condensed into the hands of only a few people and corporations and they were using their power and wealth to corrupt the machinery of State.

Australia has reached an age where, like the ages of a young person growing toward maturity, the country must choose a direction knowing in its heart of hearts that it cannot continue down a path of endless partying, boozing and avoiding responsibility toward community, work and family and the needs of a social state … If the realisation of confronting those same corporations and peoples that would steal the wealth of our commonwealth seems too frightening, then we must bend our necks to the yoke and accept the role of slaves to their greed and desire. We must watch helpless as our children become play-things to their material voluptuousness, trapped in a fantasy world of narcissic glitter and bling with no self-respect and even less for their fellow citizens.

It is a treasured maxim that those things most struggled for are the most valued, the same maxim exists for relationships, likewise for communities … I believe it is high time we as a nation grew from the naive carousing youth to a more mature adult and gave greater consideration to who we are, what we are and where we stand in relation to the rest of our world.

That .. or we are valueless as a people and nation.

Not Exactly the Tooth Fairy

22 Wednesday May 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Ricardo

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

root canal therapy

Ouch !

Story by Ricardo (with a lot of sympathy from Emmjay)

Root bleedin’ canal therapy….  prompts an impassioned search for the magic elixir pour les dents…..

Fookeen Aida… 

Good evening, 

I have used your utterly brilliant GC Tooth Mousse for many years. I should be a sales rep for GC Tooth Mousse as I keep telling everybody about its amazing qualities and have even quixotically given away some of my tubes. 

I no longer shoot through the ceiling like a heat-seeking missile every time my Dental Hygienist touches a once-sensitive tooth and believe the enamel on my teeth is now as strong as Kevlar. Even Count Dracula would be impressed.  

Sadly, I have almost run out of my final tube and, even more sadly, it would appear all good things must come to an end as, whilst I was recently experiencing the unbridled joy of root canal therapy for the first time, my Dentist informed me that his practice no longer stocks your wonderful GC Tooth Mousse as apparently I was the only person who ever purchased it (this does at least confirm the stereotype of parsimonious Yorkshire folk even in the ostentatiously affluent metropolis of Leeds). So he recommended I order some online from Amazon instead. 

Metaphorically this felt like a kick in the teeth and I deemed it to be a toothless response coming from a member of the dental profession.

But after much gnashing of teeth, which I suspect is unlikely to do them any good, I acted upon his advice and placed an order via Amazon. Lamentably the tooth mousse has apparently fallen into a cavity, or the River Amazon, whilst in transit. Perhaps somewhere in the UK, a delivery driver is currently admiring his new spearmint flavoured, bulletproof teeth. Amazon are at least refunding me the £13 but I would much rather have the Tooth Mousse. 

I have tried looking elsewhere and everywhere but to no avail. Even Boots the Chemist don’t stock it. I am not a dentist so I wondered if I could please possibly order some Mint flavoured Tooth Mousse directly from yourselves? 

I would be very grateful if this could be possible and I would be happy to buy a 10 pack as I’ll probably give half of them away. I would be most grateful for a fairly swift response as I have been summoned to see my Dental Hygienist again in June and my Dentist who wants to decide whether the tooth in which he seemingly drilled for oil whilst performing root canal therapy, now needs to be extracted.  

Thank you very much,

….after 90 minutes of attacking me with a miniature jackhammer (I was having flashbacks of the scene when Laurence Olivier as Dr Mengele is torturing Dustbin Geroffmann) he told me the tooth is cracked under the gumline so needs to be extracted. 

Eee baa gum – which sounds infinitely preferable to having my tooth drilled non-stop for 50 minutes.

So I told Dr Mengele to fill it instead and I’ll take my chances as it does not hurt and I am paying over £40 per month for my fookeen useless, drop dead Denplan dental insurance policy which conveniently does not cover dental implants unless a tooth is hit by lightning, is kidnapped by Al Qaida, or gets knocked out in a car accident or sporting injury so I have taken up MMA, ice hockey, karate, Formula One, horse riding, tae kwon do, hurling, rugby league, water polo, Bulgarian freestyle wrestling, lacrosse, boxing, dwarf throwing and rugby union for 5 hours each day…   

Rinse……. repeat……

2019 – well sort of

19 Sunday May 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon

≈ 3 Comments

…well, sort of ~

Playlist by Algernon

Dragging me down – Inspiral Carpets

I’m gonna haunt you – Fabienne Delsol

Forever is a very long time – The tallest man on earth

The right time – Hoodoo Gurus

The mayor of simpleton – XTC

The Age of the understatement – The last shadow puppets

My definition of a bombastic (jazz style) – Dream Warriors

Care of cell 44 – The Zombies

Down – Harry Nilsson

Laisse Tomber Les Filles – Fabienne Delsol

Foot track magic – Jonathon Jeremiah

Ambulance Blues – Neil Young

Every day my mothers voice – Paul Kelly and Dan Sultan

Hello sunshine – Bruce Springsteen

Once in a lifetime – Angelique Kidjo

The Hungry Sheep

14 Tuesday May 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Warrigal Mirriyuula

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Hungry Sheep, John Milton

Digital Mischief by Warrigal Mirriyuula

Father O’Way – Early Years #3

12 Sunday May 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Mark

≈ 11 Comments

A reprise from the great Hung One On (aka Mark)

20020071-young-priest-holding-bible-over-white-background

Billy Bishop holding this months copy of Big and Bouncy[1]

If you haven’t read parts 1 and 2 then this won’t make any sense, not that it does anyway. Dem is here,

https://pigsarms.com.au/2016/02/11/father-oway-the-early-days-1/

and if still brave

https://pigsarms.com.au/2016/02/15/father-oway-the-early-days-2/

We all sweet.

So Billy went and became a trainee priest at the Church of St Generic Brand and we lost touch. Sad actually, Billy was my best mate for years and now I could no longer go home I was all alone. Isn’t sadness a funny thing because if you have never had happiness you won’t know what sadness is. Crikey, that’s a worry, that even made sense anyhoo I’m going to skip sadness and stick with happiness from now on, er, um, whatever that means.

[Mark here Sandy, get on with it, you’re using up the word count]

Darn the truth hurts sometimes. Verbosity was never my strong point, can’t think why, maybe my low literacy skills might have something to do with it but I doubt it. As my English teacher once said, oops, hang on, I never listened to him so lets just drop that one. And if I ever see the truth in one of these stories I will tell you and that’s a lie. You can trust me on that one for sure.

Anyhoo, I got a job making wing nuts in a factory down the road with board and lodgings at Madame La SpaghettiBolognaise’s Commorancy. Its next door to Glenda’s House of Pain and around the corner from the hotel, the Window Dressers Arms Pig and Whistle better know as The Pigs Arms.

The job was really hard, it took peak physical fitness, extreme intelligence and a high level of dexterity and of course I had none of those qualities therefore I was a perfect fit for the job. So you put a nut and a wing together in a machine, push a button and hey presto you have a wing nut. Thirty in one go and watch dem fingers and toes, it’s considered appropriate to fully check each digit before going home, hmm. I think gender may determine that count but lets not go there although I’m finding it difficult to resist.

Madame La SpaghettiBolognaise was a wonderful mother to all us challenged boys and you were able to tell which day of the week it was by the flavour of the sauce, curry, chilli, garlic and mushroom all with pasta de jour but Sunday night was always chicken roast, yumbo. A hearty breakfast and sandwiches and fruit for smoko and it was all ten times better than Sow End High but then again that wouldn’t take much.

Madame La SpaghettiBolognaise took all our wages and gave us some spending money for the weekend, generosity to the max, for sure. Anyhoo, I spent most of my spare time down the park kicking the soccer ball and dreaming about building another robot just like when I was a kid. Then I saw this man approach me in a weird suit, like the one you would get from a weird suit shop but it was a priest, collar and all.

“Gidday Sandy” said the bloke, well I guess he has done his home work. Didn’t you hate that as a kid, come home from school and continue working. Dear oh dear, what sort of world did we grow up in. Anyway I digress which is the only thing I’m good at.

I looked hard at him, so hard in fact that my eyes were hurting. My eyes were telling my brain to go way and procreate but in some other words that may be considered rude. Go on brain think of something to do however my neural pathways returned this message “Unfortunately your operating system is going to shut down. Press any key you like, it won’t make any difference…”  Notice the dots at de end, why day do dat?

I awoke on the ground with my head between a priest’s legs. I was groaning, I could feel this throbbing sensation in my head umm, umm, but is was Billy, Billy Bishop, my best mate. Billy was helping me up off the ground and you thought! well I never. He still had that wicked grin sort of like a Cheshire Cat but not full breed, maybe half-breed that had luckily been run over by a lorry.

“Billy how the sexual intercourse are you?” I cried with joy. Billy looked really well, happy and by the look of him well fed. We hugged and shook hands. This was unbelievable and this is fiction and even I’m believing it’s real, wow.

“I’m great, the church is a fantastic place. Look tomorrow is Sunday, come over, watch the

6459934-funny-priest-with-mean-nun-holding-ruler
Sister Horribleness and Father Veri Bent

service and have lunch. It will be a great day out and you and I can talk all the bulldung we like. Starts at 10” says Billy. Notice how the boys are keeping the language down, someone under 45 may be watching this. Believe me this 45 thing is real. One never knows, anyhoo I, um, yep, you get the picture.

“Well Billy, you know that me and sexually intercoursing Church’s was never my strong point” I speak, with tongues, not really but sounds wicked don’t it. And to be honest I never made Churches a point to start with.

Billy pulls out the old grin trick. Apparently your mouth can form into a semi-crescent of some kind and the other apes think you are showing you like them. Even I don’t  believe this.

“Well okay then” I say “but please don’t shove this down my throat and yes it would be great to get together and tell porkies about how great we once were.” I commit.

Laughs all round. We shook hands and Billy headed off to the church which by the way is just down the road and round the corner, just like everything else in Inner Cyberia.

We think therefore we are sand.

Authors Notes:

Comments between square brackets [ ] are usually conversations between the character and the author, or some other character like Mike the Editor. Don’t be alarmed be alert.

[1] Billy has assured me that Big and Bouncy is a basketball magazine, for sure, I mean this is fiction and even I don’t buy that, well not until next time.

Libnat Election Tools

11 Saturday May 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay

≈ 4 Comments

Notice the handy dandy screwed down model – for a screwed up co-alition

Just in time for the Federal Election – the famous Pig-Tel panic button. Perfect election tool for a tool of a co-alition.

Imagine you’re running for a safe Libnat seat – well, let’s face it there are no safe Libnat seats – so imagine you’re a Liberal pre-selected person who’s not a racist homophobic count* hellbent on destroying every person who hasn’t got a massively remunerated job as a bank or insurance company CEO – what are you ? Unique – perhaps – did you fill in the correct form ?

Anyway – you certainly cannot afford to be without one of these handy-dandy policy tools.

Just call us on (insert dial a prayer number here) and send us all your preferences and we’ll make certain you’re well equipped in the panic department.

Remember, at Pig-Tel, we’ve got you little L Libnats covered. It wasn’t our fault we sent you a bag of manure last time. Anyone could have made that mistake.

  • remove the vowel of your choosing.

2009

11 Saturday May 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon

≈ 6 Comments

Playlist by Algernon

I gotta feeling – Black Eyed Peas

Last day on earth – Kate Miller-Heidke

This is who I am – Vanessa Amorosi

Chase that feeling – Hilltop Hoods

Burn – Jessica Mauboy

Walking on a dream – Empire of the sun

She’s a genius – Jet

Little Lion Man – Mumford and Sons

Viva La Vida – Coldplay

Use somebody – Kings of Leon

Fireflies – Owl City

21 Guns – Green Day

Poker Face – Lady Gaga

Father O’Way – the Early Years #2

10 Friday May 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Mark

≈ 8 Comments

Father Veri Bent
Father Veri Bent, readying himself to talk to the boys at Sow End High

A reprise from the great Hung One On (aka Mark)

WARNING: Do not consume liquids while attempting to read this story. Please ensure the cat is outside and if lucky it will be run over by a lorry. That way you will get more of your drink back. Keep tissues handy and it’s best to blow your nose before starting. If you understand the story then good for you!!!

If you haven’t read part 1 then go to the link below. Do so at your peril then come back here.

https://pigsarms.com.au/2016/02/11/father-oway-the-early-days-1/

All good. Okay, here’s what happens next.

One day mum said “You start school on Monday Sandy” as mothers sort of tend to do, especially when your name is Sandy and your mother is actually speaking to you. You know that no matter how much they love you, they always have the guts to tell you the truth. The truth, at times, can be hard to take and as it works out its up to you bozo, anyway I digress which is the only thing I’m actually any good at.

“Oh” I replied trying to ignore her. School rhymes with tool, is full of fools and then you get taught by mules, who by the way tried their hardest as mules do. How am I going to get out of this.

“Yes, Monday, try to do your best and get ready for the O’Way jokes” winked Mum. What’s an O’Way joke?[1]

So I went to school and did all the usual things you do on the first day, like wet your pants or say something stupid like “The man in the picture has a beard. I hate men with beards“, can you hear  the alarm bells ringing, I can now but not then.

When I got home mum asked, “So how was your day? What classes are you having tomorrow?”
“You mean I have to go back tomorrow” I asked with sinking heart.
“Yes, and for the next 10 years or so” said Mum. Wow, did I kill someone and no one told me, where are you Brian?[2]

So life became irrevocably changed. I wanted to keep working on the circuit boards in Dad’s shed to build my next robot but oh no I had to go to school. Just to learn a heap of stuff that I already new. This was frustration to the extreme.

Until along came a new boy called Billy, Billy Bishop, well it was William really but we all called him Billy. Me and Billy became best mates, footy, cricket you name it we played it all. As we approached the final part of Junior school me and Billy decided to steal a few oranges from the local orchard. Now what we didn’t know was the owner just happened to be patrolling the area, carrying an Anti Orange Stealer Device sometimes referred to as an AK-47. The owner demonstrated it’s firing prowess by discharging some ammunition contained in the magazine in our general direction. Now if you have heard of the saying “a rock and a hard place” then you will understand that having a rock and a hard place in front of you when you are being shot at by an AK-47 can be seen as a positive outcome. The future can never look dark, well not until next time any way.

Have you ever been that lucky that the Pleece[3] arrived, well the Pleece arrived. Probably saved our lives but took us to the station to be charged. Oops, I forgot to tell you, stealing oranges in Inner Cyberia is major offence. It’s up there with tax evasion except with tax evasion you just get richer whereas stealing oranges is a jail term. I’m sure you can see the analogy.

So me and Billy were sent to the Sow End High School for Boys with Criminal Records, yes I know the SESBCR, try an make an acronym out of that why don’t you! There were some weird types at the school, kids that could do the Rubric Cube in 5 seconds, use calculators and recite Pi to 25 decimal places, hmm, I know, scary. Luckily Billy new karate and I knew four be two so after awhile they left us alone.

School was a trudge and as evil orange stealer’s me and Billy were there till finishing year. At first mum would visit and see how I was going. Then after a while mum stopped coming and sent letters till I got this one

“Dear {Insert your name here}
We have had to let your room out so you can’t come home ever again. We all miss you {Insert your name here}
Mum”

Touching to the extreme. Better cross her off the Christmas list, not that I ever send any cards anyway. The school was put in charge of our finishing year and one day a priest visited to talk to us about becoming priests. As usual we had to attend another boring lecture. Let’s choose, hmm, have the crap belted out of you or go to some silly talk by a priest of all things. God mate, no such thing. The easiest way to prove that is why didn’t my favorite team win a game last year, see! Move over.

The priests name was Father Veri Bent, Veri being short for Veritas of course. Father Bent told us he came from the Church of Saint Generic Brand where all religions are tolerated and the only rule is you don’t proselytise, what ever that means. Father Bent was promoted to Bishop and so there would be vacancies for any “kind hearted” boys out there. Get me out of here was all I could think. Religion is best left until the kiddies are at least 45, sound familiar, well at least it has some continuity but not much.

Later, Billy said “Sandy, I’m going to become a priest at that church, you know from that bloke, Monsenior  Bendover or whatever”
“Surely you jest” I jested.
“Nah think of it” said Billy, “they feed you, provide you a house and all you have to do is wear a funny gown and listen to people’s problems, yeah…” dreamed Billy.

Authors Notes.

[1] Go for it.

[2] Interesting, my sense of humor is usually a bit obtuse but I like that gag. I did admire most of Glenn Robins work, well I believe it was him on Comedy Company???

[3] Thanks to the writers of the Foodge series changing the word Police to Pleece for ever. I’ve even told my spell checker to go away and except it, well I didn’t really but you know under forty fives could be watching without parental control, never know and we don’t want to use swear words now, do we.Scary.

1999

05 Sunday May 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon

≈ 6 Comments

Playlist by Algernon

Mambo No 5 – Lou Bega

Last Kiss – Pearl Jam

Pretty Fly (for a white guy) – The Offspring

Don’t call me baby – Madison Avenue

Smooth – Santana

The Animal song – Savage Garden

Ana’s song – Silverchair

Weir – Killing Heidi

I want it this way – Backstreet Boys

All star – Smash mouth

Genie in a bottle – Christina Aguilera

Believe – Cher

Scar tissue – Red Hot chilli Peppers

Burning down the house – Tom Jones with The Cardigans

1989

28 Sunday Apr 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon

≈ 13 Comments

Playlist by Algernon


Tuckers’ Daughter – Ian Moss

If I could – 1927

Rock and roll Music – Mental as Anything

Soul Revival – Johnny Diesel and the Injectors

Eternal Flame – The Bangles

I’m Gonna be (500 miles) – The Proclaimers

Teardrops – Womack and Womack

The look – Roxette

If you don’t know me by now – Simply Red

Swing the Mood – Jive Bunny and the Mastermixers

She drives me crazy – Fine Young cannibals

The living years – Mike and the Mechanics

Kokomo – The Beach Boys

Belfast Child – Simple Minds

Poison – Alice Cooper

← Older posts
Newer posts →

Patrons Posts

  • The Question-Crafting Compass November 15, 2025
  • The Dreaming Machine November 10, 2025
  • Reflections on Intelligence — Human and Artificial October 26, 2025
  • Ikigai III May 17, 2025
  • Ikugai May 9, 2025
  • Coalition to Rebate All the Daylight Saved April 1, 2025
  • Out of the Mouths of Superheroes March 15, 2025
  • Post COVID Cooking February 7, 2025
  • What’s Goin’ On ? January 21, 2025

We've been hit...

  • 721,300 times

Blogroll

  • atomou the Greek philosopher and the ancient Greek stage
  • Crikey
  • Gerard & Helvi Oosterman
  • Hello World Walk along with Me
  • Hungs World
  • Lehan Winifred Ramsay
  • Neville Cole
  • Politics 101
  • Sandshoe
  • the political sword

We've been hit...

  • 721,300 times

Patrons Posts

  • The Question-Crafting Compass November 15, 2025
  • The Dreaming Machine November 10, 2025
  • Reflections on Intelligence — Human and Artificial October 26, 2025
  • Ikigai III May 17, 2025
  • Ikugai May 9, 2025
  • Coalition to Rebate All the Daylight Saved April 1, 2025
  • Out of the Mouths of Superheroes March 15, 2025
  • Post COVID Cooking February 7, 2025
  • What’s Goin’ On ? January 21, 2025

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 374 other subscribers

Rooms athe Pigs Arms

The Old Stuff

  • RSS - Posts
  • RSS - Comments

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 374 other subscribers

Archives

Website Powered by WordPress.com.

  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle
    • Join 280 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...