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Category Archives: Politics in the Pig's Arms

2013 Australian Election Aftermath – The Reign of Terror

01 Tuesday Oct 2013

Posted by Voice in Politics in the Pig's Arms, Voice

≈ 98 Comments

Tags

Federal Election 2013

The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Viktor M. Vasnetsov)

The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Viktor M. Vasnetsov)

TURNING and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

For those of you who have been able to even click upon the title: Congratulations. You have taken the first step in a long journey of grief. For those who find themselves here by accident or who haven’t yet noticed: Welcome. Let me break it to you gently – Labor came second.

I hope this article will provide a place for people to mourn. So often others tire of our wailing when we feel we have not even yet begun to hit our stride. No-one will criticise you here for not getting over it and lightening the eff up.

Most of us have passed the denial stage of grief and entered into the Pain and Guilt stage, entailing the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase. Every news headline seems a harbinger of doom, or even evidence of its actual arrival. You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do. “If only I’d made one more comment about Julie Bishop’s hair. Labor might have won the election.” Don’t berate yourself for this. It is all perfectly normal.

Libnat Product Endorsement #19 – Boat Stoppers

28 Wednesday Aug 2013

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay, Politics in the Pig's Arms

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

Indonesian response, Scott Morrison, Tony Abbott, Turning back th boats

IndoBMW

Story by Emmjay

Challenge to readers:  Some aspects of this article are probably made up.  Other bits are direct quotes.  Try and spot which bits are ludicrous – first correct entry wins a boat.  Or a lunatic government.

In a reasoned response to the flood of German adventure tourists being smuggled into Australia by unscrupulous smuggler pirates, Scott Morrison and Tony Abbott announced that they would stop the boats and turn back the Teutonic hordes by buying every single boat and turning them back to from whence  boats came.

The <insert barely relevant media source here> went on to report…….

The policy also includes bounties to buy boats from owners who might be tempted to sell them to smugglers and to give Indonesia more money to improve its own search and rescue capabilities.

The Opposition’s immigration spokesman Scott Morrison spoke to chief political correspondent Sabra Lane.  Points to Sabra for keeping her lunch down.

SCOTT MORRISON: The measures we’ll announce today deal with the practical commitment to regional cooperation and the single minded focus on deterrence. Now that will include everything from significantly upgrading our involvement in joint operations with Indonesian national police, to work with them and make that offer.

In also involves community outreach program which would involve a bounties potentially through, working through villages, buying boats back where you can. But also just promoting the awareness like we did after the Bali bombings with counterterrorism to raise awareness that people smuggling is a criminal activity and it’s things that shouldn’t be encouraged or supported.

SABRA LANE: On the buying of the boats, would you need to talk to Indonesia about that first? Who would make the approach; would it be Indonesian officials or Australian officials on the ground?

SCOTT MORRISON: All of these programs will be run through cooperation with officials in Indonesia. And what’s in the policy today is about an offer of practical support of a nature that will put meaning to regional cooperation initiatives.

Regional cooperation isn’t about talk; it’s about actually doing things. And we need to significantly upscale the work that is being done throughout the region, not just in Indonesia but also in Malaysia and Sri Lanka and that’s what this policy seeks to address.

From the Guardian – August 26 –

Opposition leader Tony Abbott‘s plan to buy boats from Indonesian fishermen to prevent the vessels being used by people smugglers has been slammed by Jakarta as unfriendly and an insult to Indonesia.

The buyback plan has met with heavy resistance in Jakarta, with a senior member of President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono’s ruling Coalition saying it showed Abbott lacked understanding of Indonesia, and the broader asylum-seeker problem.

Mahfudz Siddiq, the head of Indonesia’s parliamentary commission for foreign affairs, said on Monday that it was Abbott’s right to suggest the policy but warned that it had broader implications for the relationship between Jakarta and Australia.

“It’s an unfriendly idea coming from a candidate who wants to be Australian leader,” Siddiq told Australian Associated Press.

“That idea shows how he sees things as (an) Australian politician on Indonesia regarding people smuggling. Don’t look at us, Indonesia, like we want this people smuggling.

“This is really a crazy idea, unfriendly, derogatory and it shows lack of understanding in this matter.”

—ooo—

 

Bobo or Catofascio – Australia Decides.

24 Saturday Aug 2013

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay, Politics in the Pig's Arms

≈ 33 Comments

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BoBo, Cato fascio, Kevin Abbott

kevonyStory By Emmjay*

The French have much to teach Australia.  They have worked out the sociopolitical landscape and like Bedouins, have struck their social networks and disappeared into the desert night, well before the Kangaroos have hopped into the oasis.

But we are smart marsupials and we have the capacity to learn, if not exactly quickly, at least eventually.

There are two beautifully apt French slang terms that describe our political landscape – and the general state of disrepair of our contemporary political discourse.

“Bobo” is an acronym for “Bourgeois Bohemian” or loosely interpreted – people who talk left but walk right.

“What ?  Is he talking about Kevin?” I hear you ask.

And “Catofascio” refers to “Catholic Fascist” – or someone who talks Catholic but walks even further right.

“No !  Surely he’s not talking about Tony” I hear you protest.

How could the French have seen this coming ?  Is LePen mightier than the sword ?

Will we ever escape this rapidly drying up oasis in such an arid clime ?

OK Australia, start looking for tracks in the sand, and get used to grit in the sandwiches for the foreseeable future.

* Thanks to Maciej for the Informacio

Unworthy, Unworthy, Unworthy

09 Friday Aug 2013

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay, Politics in the Pig's Arms

≈ 18 Comments

Tags

Abbott, Labor, Liberal, Mungo MacCallum, Rudd, Turnbull

ferretabiliaStory by Emmjay

In the late 1960s and throughout the 1970s, I was fond of reading the weekly newspaper The Nation Review.  There were many top shelf contributors including luminaries of the times like Germaine Greer, Phillip Adams, John Hepworth, Morris Lurie, Bob Ellis and the redoubtable cartoonists of the day, Michael Leunig and Patrick Cook.  Richard Walsh wrote a paperback coffee table book about the Nation Review and charted its course through to its demise in 1983 (thanks Wikipedia).  Walsh’s book was called “Ferretabilia” – maybe a copy or two left at Leura Books – because Nation Review as Wiki says “styled itself as ‘Lean and Nosey – like a ferret’

mungoI always enjoyed Mungo MacCallum’s pieces and I was reminded of this in today’s book purchase at random – from Berkelouw’s in Newtown – called “Punch and Judy” – referring  (too kindly in my view) to the state of the recent and current political canvas.

punch-judyIn this book, Mungo shows us that he’s lost none of his sharp, perceptive and dry wit since those Nation Review days.  He borrows the definition of “Punch and Judy” from Eric Partridge’s Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English (“a deception, an unbelievable story”) and dedicates the book to his old friend Graham Freudenberg (Gough Whitlam’s speech writer), referring to the old days when politics was “important, passionate and fun”.

And it occurred to me that he’s summed up nicely the current political malaise in just a handful of words -it certainly isn’t like the old days – politics nowadays have become trivial, deeply disrespectful, cynical and dire.

Richard Walsh said that the Nation Review folded because the readership had moved on and that many people amongst the paper’s left-leaning readership had become – by 1983 – disenchanted with politics – not least because of an abiding sense of unassuaged outrage at the Dismissal, but also because of the ridiculous caravan of buffoons the Labor party had foisted on the Australian citizenry, the decent bloke but unelectable leadership of Bill Hayden (who was as charismatic as his batting counterpart in cricket – Bill Lawry, otherwise referred to as ‘ a corpse with pads’) and the apparent contentment voters seemed to feel under Malcolm Fraser’s prime minister-ship.  Until Bob Hawke broke the national political slumber party and set the Labor record by winning four elections on the trot.

That may have been true, but I recall the 1980s as a decade of working my bum off, making a quid, buying a house and raising a pair of baby Emmlets.  I let my membership of the Labor party lapse because other, more personal things intervened.  I left – as they say – “for family reasons”.

Meanwhile in another universe, John Hewson, like Tony Abbott more recently, managed to lose the unlosable election – to the much disliked, but enormously talented and consummate politician, Paul Keating (whose Dad, incidentally played bowls with my Dad on the odd occasion).

Tony Abbott, similarly lost the unlosable election to the much disliked Julia Gillard – who proved to be not so much ‘consummate’ as she was ‘consumed’. Although nobody can take away from her triumph – the NDIS – or the poisoned chalice of being Australia’s first female prime minister.

Mungo MacCallum’s book is about the 2010 election, but so much of his picture remains as fresh as the day he painted it.  The political landscape seems to have changed so little, notwithstanding the last election result being the first minority government since World War II.

Both parties struggle to be more popular under their respective leaders, abandoning the fundamental principles that should be their raison d’etre.  How can voters of conservative or progressive persuasions deal with the unashamed bastardry of the asylum seeker issue, the poll-driven gutlessness or straight out incompetence of the mining super tax, the on and off and on carbon tax (which surely has to be one of the daftest responses to the seemingly deniable climate change disaster) ?

Is it any wonder under the current major parties and their dropkick leaders that we are facing an impossible choice – a brown turd government or a black turd government ?  Is it any wonder that the outcome is more likely to be determined by redneck idiots believing a massively lethal and self-interested, even evil media ?  Is it any wonder than the youth vote – that could have the power to turn this election into something that might arouse some passion and idealistic fervour – could not give a tinker’s cuss ?

I have to admit that I felt – and still feel that John Howard was a disgrace to his high office – and that a man who, riding on the coat tails of such an unworthy dill as George W Bush, took Australia into not one, but two completely unjustifiable bloody and disastrous conflicts.  And I was proud that Australians told Howard and his cronies how lowly we regarded them, when they tossed him out of his own electorate and the Libnats out of government.

We didn’t throw him out for this reason.  We threw him out mainly because of his shitty, demonstrably unfair and un-Australian industrial relations policies – rightly hammered in a wonderfully effective campaign run by the unions – before the same unions’ leaders went on to show an undisguised propensity to spend their member’s union dues in brothels.

Instead of the Rodent, we went on blind trust with a dork who magically appeared out of the Queensland wilderness and turned into some kind of administrative mandarin-speaking autocratic brown nose.

But perhaps the most telling observation offered by Mungo MacCallum was the poisonous internal shitfighting of both the major parties.  The NSW Labor corruption managed to eclipse the incompetence of the far right Labor in NSW and Queensland that, thanks to the media, well and truly (and perhaps rightly so) overshadowed the recriminations within the Liberals – Abbott turning on the NSW Liberal far right religious power-broker David Clark who Abbott saw as stacking the NSW party with dud candidates and thereby ensuring the loss of the unlosable election.  If this is not a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black, I’ll be damned.

And let’s not forget the Abbot – Turnbull leadership debacle, which, had the one vote majority gone to Turnbull instead of Abbott, could have seen the biggest landslide in Australian political history instead of this tensely poised struggle between two idealistically barren drop kicks.

This time the choice for voters is different. Through both the main parties’ barren policies and their cynical power-hungry amoral machinations, they have set in stone the abject poverty of the two-party system.  They have shown us that both the Labor and the Liberal parties  have become corrupt and despicable beyond belief.

This time Australia really needs to throw out not only the Government – but also the Opposition.  And unless we let the two main parties go, a double double dissolution is impossible to achieve.

I have said in a previous article (OK, I admit that it was clichéd) that Australians will get the government we deserve, regardless of the outcome.  If our elections continue to be won by manipulating the media, by convincing rednecks and bogan half-wits with no moral compass to vote (even against their own personal interests) for policies (like boat arrivals) that are unimportant in the bigger scheme of things, and ignore issues that DO matter – like climate change, education, employment and the environment, the world will see another prime example of the ugly side of western democracy – government of the unworthy, for the unworthy, by the unworthy.

Pride and Prune Juice

29 Monday Jul 2013

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay, Politics in the Pig's Arms

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

Miss Mirrorball, Mr D'Arcy, Mr Ham, Mr Morrison

tony

Story by Emmjay

Mr D’arcy wore the concern of a man in denial on his face like  a poodle suppressing a fart on the steps of Parliament. This was his moment.  His unlosable election strung out in front of him like a python with an impossibly large pig stuck in its gullet.  Despite his profound ignorance, his minders regularly had recourse to remind him that unless he continued to shut the fuck up, more people than they, would know the depth of his incapacity.  So D’arcy had good cause to worry, because if he actually failed to swallow the pig, there was a cadre of mining magnates who would drive one so far up him his eyes would water.

D’arcy knew he had the stuff of a lesser man and that the electorate saw him as unworthy of a position of great office; not worthy of the front bench in the Leichhardt Wanderers change room, let alone the front bench of the government.  An inquiring mind might have asked its owner why it was that such a statesman as he, was so loathed by the population that they would prefer to vote for a complete dickwad like Mr Bumble.

But it was precisely because D’arcy lacked an inquiring mind that he was oblivious to the fact that even the reddest necks in the borough were convinced that he was a not only a fraud, but undoubtedly a blue ribbon shithead.  But to be fair, his party was a legendary band of criminals, dunces and pants-wetters who believed implicitly in their divine right to rule, and D’arcy believed in his diviner right to rule them and by extension, to rule the whole borough – and nothing but the borough, so help him God.

And he was convinced that he had that special relationship with the deity that would see him triumph by sheer dint of persistence.  His was a God who took no prisoners, who brooked no backchat from soft-cock do-gooders, who set women in their place – swooning in crinolines with the kind of amnesia that women D’arcy had shagged or king hit or both (not necessarily in that order) could reasonably expect to experience.

If D’arcy had had a clue, he would have known that not a single person on his own back bench would pee on him if he caught fire – which, according to the bulletin posted in the men’s toilet and the long train of various “hear, hears”,  was quite a popular aspiration.

In truth he was massively unpopular.  But that wasn’t why he wore his worried look.  D’arcy hadn’t punched a grogan in almost three weeks.  He had forgotten the number immediately after 1.  And strain as well he might, he could not, in effect, give a shit, any more than he could articulate a policy.

The pressure was on.  He had to table a policy and liberate a brown trout (not necessarily in that order either).  He was stuck.  D’arcy decided to consult his numbers man.  “I’m having trouble getting past one, Mr Ham”, he said.

Ham, a rotund barrel of a man had given up wearing the traditional pinstripe of a true numbers man because the stripes staunchly refused to run in parallel, giving him the look of a three dimensional model of a landless planet.  He was a man well endowed in latitude, but longitude, like pinstripes, was not his strong suit.

“I’d give prune juice a run” said Mr Ham, with the knowing wink of a man rich in the experience of being up that particular creek.  D’arcy took him at his word and dispatched Miss Mirrorball to fetch for him a gallon of the finest prune juice, sparing no horse and at great haste.

Miss Mirrorball returned the very next day, breathless, with a flagon of vintage prune juice.  D’arcy, as was his usual state, was in no mood for pleasantries.  He took the vessel, thanklessly from Miss M and allowing no time for savoring the fine vintage, he downed the gallon without drawing breath.  Moments passed.

D’arcy’s colour reddened.  His front bench looked on expectantly and the Shadow Minister for death stares broke cover first.  “Anything developing, Darse ?” she inquired.

“Geeeeeezzzzzzuuuussss!” shouted D’arcy and sped off in the direction of the porcelain plateau.  A few more moments passed.

D’arcy staggered out of the disabled convenience door, looking haggard and wan.  He paused, steadying himself and adjusting his trakky dax.  “It nearly killed” me he said.  I felt this blinding pain and in a flash, there it was, staring up at me, steaming, defiant, a fully-formed policy in the shape of Mr Morrison.

Ham pushed his way into the cubicle and stared downer, he squirted some Pyne O’clean into the bowl and pressed the flush and returned to the front bench.

“Impressed, Ham ?” said D’arcy.

“No, the paperwork wasn’t right.  I had to turn that one around and send it back, D’arcy.”

Malcolm Turnbull – a Poet for PM !

20 Saturday Jul 2013

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay, Poets Corner, Politics in the Pig's Arms

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

:Poets at the Pigs, Malcolm Turnbull, poetry reading

ac-poll-main-20130719094612795303-620x349

What rough beast slinks towards the Prime Ministership ?

from Brisbane Times  Friday 19th July…

“Opposition Leader Tony Abbott has played down a new opinion poll showing that the Coalition could win an election in a landslide if Malcolm Turnbull was leading the Liberal Party.

A ReachTel poll for the Seven Network released on Friday shows the Coalition leading Labor 58 to 42 per cent, on a two-party preferred basis, with Mr Turnbull at the helm.

With Mr Abbott in charge, the Coalition lead narrows to 51 to 49 per cent.

The poll also shows Mr Turnbull leading Kevin Rudd as preferred prime minister 65 to 35 per cent against the Labor leader’s 52 to 48 per cent advantage over Mr Abbott.

Conducted on Thursday night, the poll of 2922 residents nation-wide had a margin of error of 1.8 per cent.”

Read more: http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/federal-politics/federal-election-2013/we-want-malcolm-turnbull-voters-say-20130719-2q87x.html#ixzz2ZX60EF9M

Friends of the Pig’s Arms – I never thought I’d ever say this, but …..

Malcolm Turnbull is far, far in front of Rudd and that unspeakable Lycra clad buffoon in terms of some of the character traits a person (I believe) should have to lead a nation.

Here’s the proof:  recorded at his recent appearance at the Pig’s Arms  Poets at the Pigs…

Malcolm Turnbull

Libnat Product Endorsement # 14 – Peanut Brittle

12 Sunday May 2013

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay, Politics in the Pig's Arms

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

Barnaby Joyce, Deputy Leader of the Opposition

Deputy Leader of the Opposition

Deputy Leader of the Opposition

Libnat Product Endorsement #8 – Eric Abetz Homeland Security System

28 Sunday Apr 2013

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Politics in the Pig's Arms

≈ 5 Comments

Immigration Rule AK-47

Immigration Rule AK-47

Libnat Product Endorsement #7 – Cory Bernardi Party Hats

27 Saturday Apr 2013

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Politics in the Pig's Arms

≈ 7 Comments

An Original Boy in da Hood

An Original Boy in da Hood

Guaranteed no head too pointy !

 

The Fundamentalist Adventures of Tony Abbott

19 Friday Apr 2013

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Politics in the Pig's Arms

≈ 5 Comments

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Tony Abbott

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