By The Shovel on March 13, 2020

COVID-19 has contracted Peter Dutton, it has been revealed.

The unsettling news was confirmed in a press release this morning. Condolences have flooded in from around the world, with thousands sending their thoughts and prayers. 

Thousands of people have been infected by Mr Dutton over the past 10 years, with many taking years to recover. 

“This is a cruel blow. We’re praying for a speeding recovery,” medical officials said. 

More to come.