The Pig’s Arms black-marketeer “Clipper” Hedges, more usually renowned for his ability to source quality green merchandise at competitive prices (aka “Mates Rates”) has opened up a new bit of business to round out his bottom line.
The Hedgemeister will be purveying his fine products in the Pig’s Arms carpark – a snip at just $5 a roll – cash up front please. Limit of 128 rolls per customer – more for bums and drop kicks.
And remember as Hedgie says “Be quick – it’s my March runout sale ! Bring yer money win ya !”
S’later suckers, discerning customers 🙂
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 
Just been shopping. At Woolies someone wheeled a palette of something to near the bog roll aisle, there was much anticipation. The person removed the cardboard to reveal……………………….toothpaste.
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Still worth being a bastard over… apparently 😊
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I loved the suspense that you created in this comment, Algy !
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Absurdities From the Shopping Frontline
Given all the panic buying and hoarding that we’re told is going on, and which we can all see for ourselves as we disappointedly wander the aisles of empty shelves, I thought what about really absurd panic purchases of products that seem to have no relationship to the needs of the socially distanced.
I offer “Brasso”. For several days last week I tried to acquire a tin of Brasso. All this self isolation leaves me with plenty of time to polish up the nick nacks, put a sheen on the knocker, just generally give a few things a polish.
Couldn’t find a tin anywhere. Coles and Woolies; shelf was bare. The box was there but it was empty. I asked a shelf stacking chap if there was “any out the back”. He told me they had no more and didn’t know when they would be getting resupplies. I thought Aldi might have an equivalent. They seem to for everything else. No; no Brasso or its equivalent.
My final throw of the dice was Bunnings. Now they usually have everything and I thought I must find it there. Drove over to Artarmon, parked in the most isolated corner of the car park. Took the stairs so if I met anybody recently disembarked from the Ruby Princess I could give them a wider berth. One doesn’t want to be coughed or sneezed at in a lift.
Well give me a polish and call me shiny! There’s no Brasso. There are other brass shining products, but no Brasso. The very helpful bloke assured me, from about 2 metres away, that the other products would do the same job, or, taran tara, they were expecting some to be delivered soon.
So no Brasso for love nor money. The nick nacks would have to remain dull. Bugger! Now how am I going to fill my time.
The end to this saga is that today when I got up and turned on my phone, there was a message from Dicky and blow me down if he hasn’t got a tin of Brasso, and what’s more, he’s got two of those Fray Bentos steak and Kidney pies in a tin. (I’ve always loved those.) Apparently this morning at Dickie’s Coles they’ve got it all. Toilet paper, tissues, paper wipes, hand sanitiser, surface cleaners, the lot! Its Fingal’s cave for anti-viral shoppers. Dickie filled his boots which is to say he filled a trolley with all that was allowed, including some Brasso and pies.
What a friend. Now all we need to do is work out a handover protocol that doesn’t endanger either of us. I see a bag on the end of a pole, with Glen-20 handy.
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We found supplies of just about everything at the supermarket in the tramsheds in Annandale. Mind you they have always been expensive which is why nobody goes there normally. We bought a mystery cut of lamb that proved to be almost beyond mastication. Which, when you consider that, as predicted, since the rain, the only sheep arriving at the abattoirs did so with Zimmer frames.
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Mrs A gave me a list to shop with today. Off I went to the Woolies across the road from Dorothy Henderson Nursing Home, managed all but four things on a long list. Oddly Icing sugar was on the one per person list, I tried to buy two 500g packets. Was able to buy the rest at Top Ryde when I bought the bread.
At our local shops, the fruit shop 2 metre gaps were challenging, the butcher only allowed 4 people in the shop, but plenty, the chemist was busy.
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Manne said that Big M’s Dad bought all the brasso
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Manne’s a f*&^ing dobber!
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My old man was in the fire brigade. The only bonus was all the Brasso you can carry, but yer brass buttons better gleam like gold. Guess who had to polish brass and boots at our place.
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The same one who polished his Dad’s shoes for thruppence ?
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Thrippence. You actually got paid? I did it for the simple pleasure of existing under the same roof, plus I polished black fireman’s boots that were as tall as me.
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Lying down or standing up ?
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Try scrolling across the border 🙂
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Darn, I can’t cross the border any more. 😦
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