Borrowed with thanks from the Shovel.

Children across Australia are writing to Santa to let him know that they’ve been a good little Liberal electorate on a margin of less than five percent, in an attempt to get a greater share of presents on offer.

Six-year-old Josh Mahoney said he wanted a Spiderman figure, a PlayStation game and a multi-million dollar road project. “Or at the very least an upgrade to my shooting club”.

Emily Nilson, seven, said she’d behaved like a ‘must-win seat’ all year and should be rewarded.

Parents have also been using the prospect of presents from Santa as an incentive for good behaviour, with one Mum telling her kids if they didn’t behave she’d tell Santa they’d been a safe Labor seat all year. “And then you’ll get nothing!”

One parent told his son, “If I have to ask you to put away your toys one more time I’ll be letting Santa know that you’ve been acting like a Maribyrnong this year, and don’t be surprised if you get a quarter of what your sister gets”.

Santa will be using a colour-coded spreadsheet to manage present lists this year. 

Like this? Donate a few bucks to The Shovel. And follow us on Email | Facebook Twitter Instagram