Govett Street Stompers – Live
31 Tuesday May 2011
Posted in Emmjay
31 Tuesday May 2011
Posted in Emmjay
28 Saturday May 2011
Posted in Bands at the Pig's Arms, Warrigal Mirriyuula
Tags
Al Green, Betty Everett, Boz Scaggs, Carole King, Cyndi Lauper, Dianna Krall, Don Henley, Gene Pitney, Jackie De Shannon, Kate & Anna McGarrigle, Lou Reed, music, Oleta Adams, Otis Redding, Ray Charles, Rick Price, Ry Cooder, Stevie Nicks, The Supremes, Tom Petty, Tony Bennett, Tracy Chapman, Warrigal, youtube
Digital Mischief and Playlist by Warrigal Mirriyuula
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vp1F16_7lO0
Jackie De Shannon What The World Needs Now Is Love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKvhxapM5zo&feature=fvwrel
Ray Charles Hit The Road Jack
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-S1VmqyTUBk
Betty Everett You’re No Good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZ6zVW3V1hc
Tony Bennett The Good Life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sDCmaUKgts
Ry Cooder The Tattler
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Enc8KEzdYY
Kate & Anna McGarrigle Heart Like A Wheel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dael4sb42nI
Otis Redding Try A Little Tenderness
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sr-3VwUWS0
Al Green How Can You Mend A Broken Heart
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8tVcgxh990
Oleta Adams Everything Must Change
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSep7QJXKlE
Carole King It’s Too Late
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sxK8ghb9PU
Dianna Krall Walk On By
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUIVJ6eb8tk
Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dl6yilkU1LI
Tracy Chapman Fast Car
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFCnVC2C8As
Boz Scaggs Breakdown Dead Ahead (Tempo’s too slow but the feel is there.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYEC4TZsy-Y
Lou Reed Perfect Day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xezg3z5IE8I
Don Henley The Heart Of The Matter
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiu2CWAGmNg
Rick Price Walk Away Renee (Fabulous big Aussie pub mix for this Four Tops classic.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbZDjnWtK1A
Cyndi Lauper True Colours
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQ7uXX9K7Sk
The Supremes You Can’t Hurry Love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBijZqQ6KMU
Gene Pitney True Love Never Runs Smooth
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1OT1jdGp8M&feature=related
Gene Pitney Half Heaven Half Heartache (Listen out for the Cello solo.)
Keywords: Jackie De Shannon, Ray Charles, Betty Everett, Tony Bennett, Ry Cooder, Kate & Anna McGarrigle, Otis Redding, Al Green, Oleta Adams, Carole King, Dianna Krall, Stevie Nicks, Tom Petty, Tracy Chapman, Boz Scaggs, Lou Reed, Don Henley, Rick Price, Cyndi Lauper, The Supremes, Gene Pitney
26 Thursday May 2011
Posted in Emmjay
Now before you come on all limp and squishy on me and accuse me of not only condoning violence, but actively celebrating it, I want to say right here and now that all violence is wrong.
I also feel that we mostly live our safe lives, comparatively well protected from the harshness of life on the edge. But we still generally harbor a crippling suspicion – convinced that death stalks each and every one of us and that survival for another day is a remote possibility.
I suggest that this is because we buy a fair selection of the avalanche of shit in the media designed (successfully, one gathers) to keep the majority of us afraid, compliant and ready to live in trepidation under whatever dickwad cheesy governments and laws, regulations, expert advice and rules that are thrown at us. Let’s be very afraid of a high cholesterol diet, a future carbon tax (shriek !), one too many standard drinks, and on and on and on. Not for a minute suggesting that the ABC is complicit in this unending shock and awe campaign. Not for one minute. 59 seconds, maybe. Tops.
And I’m not suggesting that the subject of today’s rant was a model citizen and head choir boy. He might have been. I just don’t know. It’s a fair bet that the lead up to the murder was not a disagreement over a theology assignment down at the local seminary. But I suspect that by his last few actions in the land of the living, we could just possibly surmise that he knew perhaps a little too much of the hard side of the tracks than is good for a boy of 16.
Today the ABC reported (no, not on deeply intellectual complex matters…. how surprising and totally shocking is that ! ) that Brendan Siaa pulled from his own chest the knife with which he had been stabbed, and by way of reply stabbed his (allegedly) 22 year old assailant in the face, the neck, the wrist and in the leg before himself dropping dead on the Bankstown railway station platform. Not a lot of problem identifying the assailant. Sorry, ALLEGED assailant. Bedside court appearance to come. The ALLEGED murderer had form, allegedy, apparently, quite possibly.
I think you have to hand it to a guy who, surely knew the curtain was coming down in a hurry, managed to get in one last square-up. They breed ’em bloody tough in Bankstown.
It’s frightening, really. The ABC report also said that the incident was captured on CCTV and that the security guard who was on duty on the platform amidst horrified peak hour commuters “acted appropriately”. WTF did that entail ? Running away at a million miles an hour ?
I’ve no doubt that the CCTV footage will make its way onto Youtube (if it hasn’t already been there and been taken down) – much like the recent footage of a schoolkid beating the crap out of another kid who bullied him. And I think that the issue will polarise people along the lines of secretly admiring an underdog who had a glimpse of a win – at least this time as fleeting as it was – but condemning the whole farrago – versus those who applaud a bloke who went down swinging some other killer’s blade.
It’s a tough call. Particularly for Brendan’s 15 year old brother who survived with a stab wound to the leg.
Quite a lot of hatred on the streets of Bankstown – a lot more these days, I’m sure – just a spit from where Gez and I spent our youth.
I don’t go back to Banky any more and I’m not wanting to advocate psycho violence, But I have to confess just a tiny feeling – a sense of admiration – for anyone so unafraid.
Story on the ABC
Picture for anxious punters:
24 Tuesday May 2011
Posted in Emmjay
Dear Friends of the Pig’s Arms,
Some of our patrons may remember an article written for the Australian Lung Foundation that we re-published – Lungevity in January 2010 – by Gay Lysenko – a long time great friend of Emmjay and FM.
I’m very sorry to bring the sad news that Gay passed away last week after a long struggle with cancer. We send our condolences to John and sons.
Gay was a brilliant and delightful woman who brought sunshine and champagne into the lives of those she met. She was an avid collector and dealer of fine art and she re-awakened in FM and me a keen interest in the arts.
We will remember with great fondness always her generosity and her mischievous sense of humour.
This piece in the Australian (April 16 2007) by Sarah Elks captures a glimpse.
Goodbye old friend with love from Emm and FM.
BABY boomers are shattering stereotypes by having more sex in their 60s than previous older generations.
One of Australia’s leading sexual health physicians, Lesley Yee, who will lecture at the World Congress of Sexual Health in Sydney this week, said baby boomers were also more open about it.
“This generation grew up with the pill and are used to more open communication about sex,” Dr Yee said.
“Now, they’re challenging earlier conservative attitudes about older people’s sexuality.”
John and Gay Lysenko, in their late 50s, are living proof that physical intimacy does not have to diminish with age.
Over a long lunch with friends yesterday in a leafy northern suburb of Sydney, Gay said sexuality was an integral part of any loving relationship.
“In our home, John and I are very happy to close our bedroom door on a weekend afternoon if we want to have the afternoon in bed,” she said.
“We’re not self-conscious … it’s just a natural part of any relationship.”
Dr Yee said one major stumbling block for baby boomer couples was the reconciliation between physical capabilities and emotional desires.
“There’s an expectation that things will be the same as they were 20 or 30 years ago … and that desire is not always attainable physically,” she said.
John Lysenko said: “A lot of baby boomers don’t feel that they’re old … You just go on thinking the same as you always did and doing the same, until your body catches up with you.”
Gay added that sexuality was a major part of expressing love.
—ooo—
24 Tuesday May 2011
Posted in Sandshoe

Map of the site of the now closed Baxter Detention Centre...detainees were moved to other locations.
By Sandshoe.
Baxter sprawls on a plain of searing heat. Nothing stirs in sight of the novitiates getting out of their vehicles. The travellers scan the dirt around their transports they stay close to at first because the impact of it seeming they are the only people in this place confuses them. Some are hesitant in their cars. Behind the heavy gate and fences ahead of them, imposing blank walls are clear evidence there is choice and choicelessness in coming to this place.
Guarded in this detention centre are women and men whose lives are forever compromised by incarceration profiled as ‘not punishment’.
Grit that is a fine gravel and a scuff of red sand trace a narrow concrete path. Cardboard cartons of apples and salad vegetables are unloaded out of vehicles and carried into the shade of a fledgling tree. They are set on the ground in the red sand and dirt. Around them, plastic containers of dessert sweets, cream puffs and flat breads with accompaniment savouries, pickles and spreads are balanced besides lavender sprigs in a large basket surrounded by a pink, purple and white satin ribbon bow – and 25 kilos of bananas packed in newspaper in banana boxes. A box of white disposable plates, plastic bags of disposable forks (no knives), spoons and cups are rested on the top of the boxes of bananas and alongside a large cake box, a box of programs bound with ties of gold, pink, apricot, blue and cream satin ribbon. There is a bag of lemons and a weighty one of sweet jujubes and apricot delights. Large bottles of lemonade, fruit juices and chilled spring water are hefted along a further path on instruction from the bride. She indicates to waiting bystanders to bring the items in the shade of the tree along the same path to where she begins to build a second stack adjacent to a barred gate in the outer perimeter fence until nothing is left in the shade of the tree and the new stack is a stark sunlit clutter.
The stack will be returned to and its family of boxes and paraphernalia carried further again after the the visitors announce themselves and the formalities of signing in are concluded at Reception.
Advice they are to deviate (backwards) to a reception building set in bush obscurity at the entry way to the car park inspires a series of manoeuvres between the gathered guests. Each consults another to verify the instruction.
The area inside the small building through a glass sliding door is reminiscent of a temporary office for road workers alongside an isolated road in rural Australia. It becomes crowded and its atmosphere tense as the wedding party becomes a composite and knowing organism expressive of fearful need. The guests shuffle and startle.
A flare of agitation feels as might the tip of the blade of a serrated knife to the heart.
A guest is challenged her name is not on the list of visitors who are the invitees. She is the bridesmaid in a princess line maroon satin under-dress and voile overhangs her shoulders to an elegant full length. The tips of her flat black slippers show daintily from under the hem of her garment as she stands in grievous anticipation of being refused entry to her place of honour. The uniformed officer on duty is barely patient. She has to telephone repeatedly to senior officers that the bridesmaid does not have photo ID.
Everyone in the room is struggling. The guests other than the frozen bridesmaid cope with their survival tasks to secure their own entry and clear the confined space in close jostle, transferring forbidden valuables such as mobile phones, wallets, sunglasses and car keys into lockers they secure with keys on metal rings with blue metal tags that are circular and stamped with the number of their locker.
Guest who have filled out their names, addresses, telephone numbers, occupations and reasons for visiting on duplicate forms, and signed their accceptance of responsibility for their own entry are checked against a list as bone fide visitors whose names and details have been provided to the administration of the Centre-Baxter as it is called on the street-the week before. Some guests will say weeks later when interviewed each is asked in turn to extend their right arm so that a red plastic band can be attached with a number written on it in heavy black pen. Others will only say their fist is stamped with a number and some the stamp is invisible.
People who do not have pockets ask people they have never seen before to accept their locker key for safe keeping and begin a passover of emblematic trust. The bridesmaid is allowed entry.
The guests retrace their steps to the food, soft drink refreshments, juice, cartons of water and paraphenalia left in the stack by the barred gate where another duty officer looks through from its other side until the entire party is grouped to enter. The gate opens into a narrow cage set over a two person-wide path that is the cage floor and leads around 10 metres in length to a heavy metal door that is painted green and has the words printed in red on a large sign on it-WARNING DOOR OPENS OUTWARD.
Five of the wedding guests at a time will be allowed through the door to be searched, but not until the attendees are secured in the cage and the gate closed and barred behind them. One door or gate will not open if another is opened. The processing of the bridesmaid and consideration of her entry has taken long enough that the heat of the fierce sun burning down on the first guests assembled waiting for the cage gate to be opened has clearly taken its toll and there is no canopy to retreat beneath.
Sweat is soaking skins that prickle in wedding finery. The floor of the cage is an elevation of concrete on the red dirt around it.
Shepherded into the cage, each guest bends to grasp as many as they can carry of the boxes and other items from the stack at the entrance. The outer barred metal gate closes behind the last and the officer assigned to guide and lock the visitors in the cage disappears with the first group of five admitted through the heavy metal door to the next stage of their processing.
Through the bars of the cage and another perimeter of fencing, a path to an entrance door in the wall of the detention centre is discernible. It leads across a stretch of moatlike and sparsely vegetated dirt. That ground is almost bare. Motion detectors track any human presence and the two perimeter fences are electrified.
As each group of five is ushered out of the caged queue, its participants bend to lift and carry their share of the load forward. The cage is exposed to the sun’s full beat on its bars as the sun climbs towards noon. Guests disguise their anxious fear with talk they are pleased they have worn clothing no heavier than they have on. Mary, Margaret, Margaret, and Maryanne are identified getting to know who is who in the crush. A young woman in a light pink cotton shirt and fawn slacks rocks a routinely admired baby in a pusher. The handsome Persian father coochies the baby to smile.
The sense of the sun’s oppression blends in a gathering haze with the factor of their caged imprisonment as the guests succumb to a quiet preservation of their strength to endure the heat and their containment. Beside the cage, the mechanism of the entry gate for a vehicle accessing the compound begins to grind with a lurching sound of sliding metal joints that are parting.
Higher than can be imagined a towering gate glides ungraciously open to a sickening event that is its ultimate clang and the vehicle accelerates slowly through its giant maw. The slow grind of metal reverses the gate against the expanse it has opened until that eventual status is returned to closed and secure.
Time passes. No one is left in the cage. The final group of would-be celebrants is directed through the green metal door. They find there is a holding chamber beyond the inner cage door large enough for no more than one or two people to move comfortably through it and an access blank cream metal door. The clutter of individuals filing through the door looks towards instruction what to do next. Two men in uniforms flank an x-ray machine monitoring an erratic flow of boxes and wedding items. Guests are directed to place miscellany out of their pockets onto the black surface of the conveyor belt rolling behind its flapping rubber curtain.
The bridesmaid is among the last applicants. She has been rejected. She was not supplied with an ID number, a correspondent number that is recorded on a log sheet, along with the locker key in another column and in respective others, full names and signatures. The bridesmaid is told to stand and wait. She does until the other members of the group are processed by abandonment of their property onto the conveyor belt and each on command steps through a security screen in a neighbouring cubicle. A guard waves a metal detector the full length of their body and advises his colleagues he is finished.
The responsible guard will come and return with the bridesmaid to the reception building proximate to the car park, back through the cream door, holding chamber, green door, the cage, its outer barred door and across the distance to the office in the patch of scrubby bush that flowers as if by bitter brandishment. She is either not pleased with her employment, is contemptuous of the visitors or fails to disguise contempt for herself for having neglected protocol. She beseeches the bridesmaid to hurry. The door to be opened into the cage to begin the journey back cannot be opened if any successive door is open. The last of the guests to be processed has been ushered to wait in front of another door of heavy metal. Another cage imprisons another concrete path. At the end is another barred metal gate.
After clearance by walkie-talkie that the bridesmaid has been escorted the complete return journey, the guard directs the visitors to follow him through the door and along the path. The guard unarms the barred gate. The celebrants are directed to take the path alone across the spread of daunting open ground exposed to their uninterrupted view as a barren moat. The visitors say nothing a guard can hear that communicates the current of ill-ease gathering its momentum and shoaling against bars and souls locked in these premises in this red semi-desert. Any recall of the presence of the wild beauty of natural attraction and the tourist mecca of the coast where they had camped the night before and watched the fishing boats sail into the evening light is a cloy of consciousness that struggles in the disorienting heat to make geography, patterning, natural botany, fauna meld to fit the knowledge of cruel experience.
There is nothing we can know from a briefing or written text that properly prepares us for any circumstance until we experience its sounds, the nature of its silence and appearance.
The smells are harder to define. The guests’ bodies are secreting adrenalin, the hand maiden of fear and their armpits course in sweat and blend the assortment of perfumes in the confine of the holding chamber and small room they are directed into through the door in the wall.
Two guards are their receptionists, a makeshift theft of any last expectation of niceties. The list that without the bridesmaid’s name on it has isolated her is checked in replica.
The community room visible through a wall of observation glass is peopled by detainees and guests who are under surveillance like reality television at a wedding party. On the wall at the far end of the room is a banner of felicitation heralding the names in English of the groom and his bride:
H A P P Y W E D D I N G
The faces of the people in the room are turning as word spreads the last arrivals are visible through the glass. In the beaming face of the groom among his friends is the warmth of hospitality of a man at ease with his companions and visitors he is greeting. The bride is talking to a shining gentleman in a stand-out gold thread matinee jacket, the Master of Ceremony, whose face is grave. He is regarding his duties according to the bride’s advice and reassurance.
Mild applause sets up at the last arrivals being sighted, They manipulate their share of boxes and bags into a holding chamber and out through a second. The last almost of the guests are delivered safe and the bridesmaid in the chaperone of an isolated guard has returned the trek.
The bridesmaid is a competent interviewer. On the walk she has negotiated a conversation with her escort. The guard has ‘just started’. She is ‘a country girl’ she replied to the bridesmaid’s cunning enquiry of where she is from. From a local farm, her parents urged her when they learned of the employment opportunity to apply for position at the facility. After a long period of unemployment after finishing school, she regards herself as ‘doing something’ for her country, the bridesmaid tells her [the bridesmaid’s] mother who is one of the wedding party. The guard’s brothers are on the farm and she did not want to stay there herself, neither was encouraged. Times are hard in the drought.
The wedding programmes are distributed. Printed on a decorated utilitarian dark cream paper, they are distinguished by a fine quality white striped paper dust cover that has no printing or illustration. The stripe on the cover has a pleasant raised texture to feel and look at. Inside on the first page is the simple announcement of the marriage of the couple who are Baha’i followers, the date and a stylised rose illustration. Beside two entwined miniature roses at the bottom of the page is a quote selected by the designer from the writing of the Baha’i leader and philosopher, Baha’u’llah.
O, friend! In the garden of thy heart, plant nought but the rose of love, and from the nightingale of affection and desire loosen not thy hold.
The guests seat. The Master of Ceremony indicates to the program and delivers the opening address in English. The groom reads the prayer in the Persian language of Farsi. The young son of the bride reads a prayer in Farsi and its translation in English includes:
I will no longer be sorrowful and grieved.
I’ll be a happy and joyful human being.
O, God I will no longer be full of anxiety nor will I let trouble harrass me.
The Baha’i Marriage Tablet, the writing of the philosopher Abdul Ba’ha is read by a stalwart Australian friend of the bride who has travelled with the group of social workers to attend the wedding. The reading is in the style of a moral teaching of considerable beauty unlike any experience of a Christian marriage. The principles of loyalty, jealousy, seeking counsel, fellowship and amity are introduced, and aspiration to spiritual thought, extension to others through hospitality and nourishment, by example and through a union of harmony and rapture:
Walk in the eternal rose garden of love. Bathe in the shining rays of the sun of love. Be firm and steadfast in the path of love. Perfume your nostrils with the fragrance from the flowers of love. Attune your ears to the soul enhancing melodies of love.
Baha’i marriage is defined for the couple in a reading from the writing of the same author. The selected reader is another Australian friend of the bride who is as pretty as a rose herself:
Their purpose may be this: to become loving companions and comrades and at one with each other for time and eternity.
The marriage celebrant conducts the marriage and the celebrant statement is reproduced on the second to last page of the programme for guests who wish to follow. It is a simple presentation that adds the Baha’i wedding vow places their God in the very most centre of the couple’s relationship:
That by his Bounty your marriage will become “a fortress of wellbeing”.
The bridesmaid reads a prayer in English that is a reaffirmation of the belief in God and supplication that through that wise watch and intervention the couple will enjoy harmony and unity:
Confirm them in Thy servitude and assist them in Thy service.
The bride and groom exchange gifts and each speaks to the assembly of guests in turn on invitation extended them by the Master of Ceremony. Each expresses their love for their spouse and their appreciation and love for their family in Iran and guests. The guests are thanked for their support and attendance and invited to join the bride and groom at the wedding reception, to partake of food and the refreshing drinks the bride and guests who have travelled to the Centre have carried with them the length of their journeys.
Each of the pages of the programme is illustrated with a small single rose and decorative leaf printed in blacks and greys and repeated in descending, although irregular sequences alongside the paragraphs of text. The same rose designed into a frieze illustrates the top of the first of a series of blank pages included at the end of the programme to encourage the guests and residents to write their impressions or add a personal reminiscence in the form of prose or a poem.
*****
About three months ago when I moved out of the city to live in rural South Australia, among my papers I came across most of this foregoing text written on the blank pages of such a wedding programme.
I was the designer commissioned by a bride-to-be to produce the programme (the booklet) and I began by researching Baha’i wedding customs. I searched for sample booklets and was loaned a selection. I shopped for paper for the programmes to offer the bride her choice, conceived and accomplished the layout, graphic illustration and delivered the printed copies bound in craft ribbon tied through two eyelet holes into twisted and curled bows.
In time presenting to me in these past three months, I have been editing and rewriting The Wedding Party. Progress has been slow. Other commitments and distractions intervene.
Until last week when I was inspired to finish The Wedding Party …I happened in my local library on a DVD of ‘The Visitor’, a movie about such a person as I whose placement in a situation they cannot anticipate leads to a life changing experience and more out of it from which they cannot return in the special sense of learning and loss, happiness and grief, love gained and compromised love. Richard Jenkins whose role as the lead male seems in retrospect a wonderful prop around which Richard himself knowingly allows the story to affect, entrap, engage and change him has my undying admiration. The actor who supports him, the female lead Hiam Abbas is talented and beautiful.
And Haaz Sleiman in his role of Tariq, an illegal immigrant, brought me to believe in the closeness of the shared experience of the street, he as Tariq so believably a model of an idealistic streetie I spent time busking with on the streets of Auckland simply because of his creative talent as a singer-songwriter.
So too I have been inspired by Danai Jekesai Gurira in the role of the brilliantly fearful, literally startling girlfriend of Tariq who Richard Jenkins as Walter Vale, college professor, eventually visits in a detention centre and there is the nub, Richard Jenkin’s riveting performance of a climactic speech.
I have worked since on ‘The Wedding Party’ to present it because ‘The Visitor’ is an ultimate inspiration combined with Australia’s shameful continuing abrogation of responsibility to its past and this current disgrace is sickening … of making treaty to trade humans for humans with Malaysia where detention on the strength of belief a crime has been committed or will be committed is allowed without charge or trial and breaches of civil rights include flogging and caning.
Had the wedding programmes served in 2004 no purpose other than the paper on which where I could find no other I scrawled ‘The Wedding Party’ in rough draft I am content my story is told as a contribution. I wrote it in the early hours of a sleepless night in a share accommodation traveller’s house in Port Augusta, South Australia-having attended such a wedding.
Image Source Page: http://www.mediasearch.com.au/film/filmreviews/thevisitor-filmreview
23 Monday May 2011
Posted in Emmjay
It was a quiet week at the Pig’s Arms.
The gentle murmur of impending rain gave way to the f-tang f-tang of big fat drops falling 20 feet[1] through the rust holes in the upstairs guttering of the pub onto The Pig’s Legs Waxing and Beauty Salon’s lidded 44 gallon drums (of Brazilians and former mono eyebrows), awaiting collection in the car park. The downstairs guttering appears to be in far better shape but damp conditions will continue in the awning.
A low pressure zone developed over the pub’s morale when the RSPCA inspector came around asking questions about an allegedly-imprisoned granny. It turned out the inspector was fighting cruelty to the aged and despite Foodge swearing that it was just a joke, granny wasn’t amused. And the wedges were off. Even more than granny was off, the wedges were way off.
A cold front blew through the pub’s libido when the burlesque spectacular planned for the Queen’s Birthday weekend in the Nathan Rees Memorial Ballroom fell through due to lack of support. A severe brassieres warning was issued.
The bar roometric pressure briefly increased in the sportsman’s bar as the pub’s patrons dissected the dismal performance of our team in the Cook’s River Groupers and Sea Scouts fishing competition. Warrigal and Gez were complaining about problems with their tackle but the discussion netted very little worth frying, despite T2’s assertion that these were indeed frying times.
Winds were increasing in the ladies lounge following the sudden opening of a window. Several of the Lambrettista ladies complained that the winds were disturbing their lines just when they were expecting fine powder.
Emmjay was overcast. He was well over the cast. It had been a long fortnight of unrelenting unpaid overtime in the ABC wardrobe department and his industrial fatigue was beginning to show. It started with a schedule mix-up at the photocopier that led to Phillipa Warnita being clad in Vegonia Etrollie’s suit. This apparently startled children during din-dins and parents who usually had little trouble dropping off complained of disturbed sleep patterns for days afterwards (even during Midsomer Murders). The ABC Board was unamused. And unamusing. It was clear that Emmjay was trying (with limited success) to grip with his toenails the slippery astroturf of a downward spiral – as he slid slowly, but inexorably towards redundancy.
The pub is experiencing a well below average influx from Cole-erado but continuing warm winds from the Victorian border and from the Aegean have recently raised the temperature of the kitchen.
Periods of sunshine are forecast with the return of the PA Women Storytellers (PAWS) – as Merv often comments – the PAWS that refreshes.
Conditions are further expected to improve with the arrival of a Big M front and when the forecast Father O’Way episode is Hung out to dry.
[1] The Pig’s Arms never really made it to metrification. At the time, there was a shortage of metres. They were on back order from Europe for months and when they finally did arrive in the country, a typographical error sent them to the Pigrams in Broome and the pub’s metric stock has never been seen since.
23 Monday May 2011
Posted in Lehan Winifred Ramsay
Painting and Story by Lehan Winifred Ramsay
Blue Man wakes up in a sudden clenching sweat. Sleep comes only after a long wait, it stays only a short time but during this time it binds him tightly. Sleep begins and ends with a dream; tight clear dreams of impossible possibilities. Blue man waits for the dawn to break, wishing that the night would start again, bring again the possibility that sleep will come.
Each impossible possibility sets off another round of self-deflection. Each deflection strips away another layer of I-didn’t-realize-things-were. The dawn skies fill with squarking birds.
14 Saturday May 2011
Posted in The Dining Room
Tags
14 Saturday May 2011
Posted in Pig Psalms, Sandshoe
Tags
An Apologia after the Psalm 141
Oink for Deliverance from the Wicked
by Sandshoe.
Dinkum, mate, I have to ask; get a wriggle on; (reprise) it’s as if he’s deaf, believe me.
I’m not just a bad smell; my uplifted hands an evening sacrifice; (reprise) many’s the pink drink I’ve raised pissed iss all lies!
Muzzle me, mate; I’m the fat lady who sings.
You allowed my thoughts incline to pies, yield to any sign; the McDonalds’ even where I thrice once bought an apple pie.
Yeah, over the back fence where I lived in Melbourne, next to Balwyn’s library; (reprise) yeah, that opposite that 24-hour superette.
I pledge I’ll not dine again on Maccas as long as I exercise free will; (reprise) Old McDonald’d be spittin’ chips if he knew what they did to his song.
Strike me pink; that is a given; let them tick me off; o, so pouring oil on a lit wick.
All this I shall not refuse, yet donkeys bray despite their trials.
When the fast foods oleaginous are overthrown, all will hear my brayers and laugh along.
All will cook by the Pigs Arm’s cooks’ book; o, readers, send your recipes in.
As when a bull looks at a butcher, so their choice cuts will be strewn at the mouth of Sheol; (aside) o, typo in the name of Shoe, oops.
You need be on your best, matey, cobber; this pub is my local; please, please don’t eat the daisies; (reprise) please.
I’m not paranoid, but seriously I’m thinking Security.
Let each be hoist on their own petard, while I run all the way home whee whee whee.
*disclaimer: not piglet Dave a.k.a. Astyages, troubadour to the Pig’s Arms.
11 Wednesday May 2011
Posted in Big M, Foodge Private Dick
Foodge woke surrounded by tenebrous gloom. His initial impression was that he had been buried alive! Two facts argued against that; One, he was face down, and Two he could smell leather, sweat and a faint scent of lavender. The sound of a high-speed electric motor cut through the silence. He was now quite sure that he wasn’t underground, as he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to hear much underground. He tried to move, but the crick in his neck and pins and needles in his arms prevented any activity. He tried to call out, but his dry throat, and the fact that his face was pushed into the surface on which he lay, prevented more than a plaintive. “elp….ay…agh!” The stomp of heavy footsteps had Foodge’s highly trained musculature ready for action. He was suddenly blinded by sunlight as a heavy blanket was jerked back from his face. Foodge clenched his eyes shut, ready for whatever torture his abductor had prepared.
“What the f$*&.” Merv exclaimed, sweat running down his face (he had just returned from his morning gym session). “I thought that Fern and Emmjay took you home!” Merv was assisted by young Wes to slowly get the hapless detective up from the chesterfield, onto his feet and gently ambulate him out of the Ladies Lounge, and into the Main Bar.
“Someone must’ve slipped me a Mickey Finn.” Foodge surmised, based on his amnesia and throbbing headache.
“Mickey Finn!” Merv laughed.” How about eight bottles of our best Porphyry Pearl between you, Fern, Emmjay an’ Effemm?” A bowl of Granny’s wedges appeared on the bar next to a pint of Trotter’s Best. “Get these into yer guts, son, that’ll fix you up!”
Foodge was onto his third pint before he started to feel human. Merv went about his publican duties, which seemed to involve a lot of restocking, straightening of bar stools and disposing of broken glasses. It all started to come back to him. He had, in promise to his solicitor decided to sack Fern, but, lacking the guts to do so by himself, brought Emmjay and his First Mate to provide support over a couple of drinks.
The sacking had been a disaster. As sackings go, the only worst sacking in history was the sacking of Gough Whitlam. Fern had reacted badly to the news, and fled to the Ladies, knocking over two pints of Trotter’s Best and a bowl of wedges in the process. Foodge sat there dumbly hoping that Effemm would leap into the fray, or, rather the Ladies, and provide succour to the young woman. She didn’t move. Nor did Emmjay, except for an almost imperceptible sideways movement of his eyes, which Foodge took to mean that it was his responsibility to comfort Fern.
Foodge had never been to the Ladies, and was surprised to learn that it was a fairly spacious, clean and well appointed and maintained area. It wasn’t hard to work out which cubicle held young Fern, the sobs could be heard out in the bar. Meanwhile, Emmjay and Effemm were laying bets as to how many minutes it would take Fern to wheedle her way back into Foodge’s employ. Effemm won: seven minutes had elapsed before the pair returned and Foodge announced that, whilst it was true that Fern had been dismissed as secretary, she had been re-employed as Office Manager. He also announced that there was a new phase in Foodge’s operations, which would involve computers, mobile phones, digital cameras, and so on. Emmjay, who was a fairly canny fellow and couldn’t let the opportunity go by, offered his services as I.T. Consultant and Network Engineer (whatever those jobs entailed).
This, of course, meant that the ‘afternoon drinks/sacking’ had become a party to mark two new positions in Foodge’s company. Foodge called for ‘bubbly’ and Merv obliged with Porphyry Pearl. Foodge demanded food, and Granny cooked wedges, with sour cream and sweet chilli sauce. Foodge wanted music, and, unfortunately the jukebox was stuck on ‘A Summer Holiday’, which repeated over and over. I guess you can’t have ‘em all.
“Well”. Foodge thought out loud. “Here’s to the Pigs Arms and all those who imbibe in her. May her Best Bitter stay bitter, and her Pink Drinks stay sickly sweet!”
“What was that, Foodge.” Merv’s bulbous head popped up from behind the bar. “Wannanuther drink?”
“Nothing, Merv. Yes, why not?” Foodge grinned as he tipped his Fedora back from his forehead.