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Author Archives: Therese Trouserzoff

Bess Stafford Investigates – continued …..

02 Wednesday Jan 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Warrigal Mirriyuula

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Bess Stafford

Zero Sum

The First Death (1985)

Story by Warrigal Mirriyuula

Bess finished reading the forty odd pages of text she’d printed from the work file found open on the desktop of a new Macintosh Computer sitting on an “L” shaped work bench that filled the centre of the room. She sucked her lips onto her teeth and made a smacking sort of sound, followed by a long “Hhhmmmmm…” as she spun slowly on the chair taking in the arrangement and content of the room.

Three of the walls were covered with floor to ceiling book cases assembled from recovered timber. They were full of an eclectic variety of fiction, history, science and philosophy. There were many literary novels and there was also a great deal of science fiction and some fantasy, though heavily biased to the literary end of those genres, as Bess took a cursory glance along the shelves. 

Here and there, sitting between books, in front of books, pinned to the bookcase timbers, were postcards, bits and pieces of pottery, small ornaments in china or glass, cheap souvenirs, even some fine pieces of brass trench art, certificates, old school pennants; for hockey, Bess noticed; and there was a proliferation of Kookaburra iconography. He liked Kookaburras. 

So the subject was well read, a bit of a Womble, and apparently had literary ambitions of his own; even if the subject matter of those current ambitions, hanging loosely from Bess’ hand, seemed bizarre and somewhat confronting.

The body of the young man had been taken away before Bess had arrived at the scene and the SOCO’s were now going through the rest of the house on Keegan Avenue in Glebe. She could hear them moving about at the back of the single story terrace.

They were talking quietly to one another as they worked; about ordinary things, mundane things, as though their professional task here was secondary to the social opportunity, as though it was everyday that they confronted the death of a perfectly healthy young man. Which of course, quite often, it was. Though generally speaking the subject was less well presented than in this case. 

This body had apparently looked like it had just put its head down for a quick power nap before forging on with the writing now printed out and hanging from Bess’ hand. The file’s metadata showed that he had applied the last full stop and saved the file at 10:09AM this morning. Liver temperature said that he had died shortly thereafter, though the coroner had been reluctant to make even a suggestion as to what had caused the young man’s demise. He’d expired in the chair she was sitting in. 

Bess stood up and folded the printed pages in half, pushed them into the back pocket of her trousers; she’d read the whole thing again later. 

Bess had wondered why she’d been taken off her current work and told to, very quickly, fly across town and take part in the investigation of this suspicious death; though, at this stage it was the man’s life that seemed suspicious rather than his death. 

“You’re gonna wanna see this Bess.” the Chief Super had said. 

Now she knew why; but this was just the beginning, there was going to be more. Bess knew that too.

For now it was time to go and see what, if anything, had turned up in the rest of the house.

It was a simple single story terrace in a street of identical terrace houses sitting atop a sandstone cliff above Pyrmont Bridge Road. There was no street frontage. Keegan Avenue was just an eroded, broken bitumen pathway that provided access to the front of the houses, enclosed on the cliff side by a rusting shoulder height steel fence.

The young man had turned the front room, with its obscured view of the city skyline over Harold Park, into his work room. He slept in the second bedroom, and the back of the house included a lounge room, kitchen, small bathroom and a laundry which doubled as an entry vestibule. The sort of home an artisan tradesman and his family would have enjoyed in the late 19thcentury. A modest house of modest proportions, perfectly fitted to its current modest literary life.

Bess walked up the short hall, glancing into the bedroom where a forensic officer was taking photographs and bagging and tagging evidence that they might later rely on. 

“Find anything? Bess asked casually.

“Yeah there’s a number of letters to and from various persons. They might be good background to his recent activities, give some insight into what might have happened here.” The SOCO turned in place and pointed to a collection of a dozen or more photo albums. “Lots of photos, but from a quick look, very few of him.” 

“Hhmm, well, put them aside I’ll look at them all later. Nothing else?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary. Its a bedroom with all you’d expect in a bedroom, though he obviously had a thing for shoes.” the officer pointing to the bottom of an open wardrobe from which spilled multiple pairs of shoes in a spectacular variety of shapes, colours and uses. 

Bess smiled inwardly. A proto-novelist with a shoe fetish. Add a few more cute conceits and you’ve got the beginnings of a novel. Though how it might develop she had no idea of at the moment.

Bess walked through into the small lounge room. There was a high end sound system powered by a professional looking Crown amplifier which pushed a pair of bulky Tannoy monitors. There was a direct drive turntable and a seemingly brand new CD player. There was a large collection of LP’s and some CD’s; a copy of Bobby Bland and BB King’s “Together Again” on the turntable. 

“The thrill is certainly gone here.” Bess thought darkly. “So he valued his listening experience quite highly,” Bess thought to herself. “I wonder what else he listened to.” 

She flipped though the LP’s. There was some rock and pop, but he apparently had a preference for 20thcentury composers. He liked the Brits. There was Walton, Williams and Britten, Elgar of course, interestingly Bax; but there was even more of the Europeans, Hindemith, Shostakovich, Sibelius, Ravel and many others including Berg and Stravinsky. Eclecticism once again. 

There was some jazz, mostly great solo artists who played sax, trumpet or piano, Roland Kirk, Charlie Parker, Miles Davis of course, but also Oscar Peterson and Bill Evans trios, even one that Bess had herself. Bill Evans and Tony Bennett doing picks from the standard catalogue. Bess sang quietly as she looked through the rest of the albums. 

“Just when the fun is starting, Comes the time for parting. Lets just be glad for what we had, and what’s to come…” Bess was going to catch up with this young man “Some Other Time.” 

Bill Evans accompanying Tony Bennett on that singular album was often all Bess needed after a long day. A glass of Wolf Blass Colombard Cruchen Chardonnay and Tony singing just for Bess. So she had something in common with her unlucky subject, though the wine rack in the fire place had mostly reds, notably a Henschke 1976 “Hill of Grace”. “Top drop.” Bess thought.

There was no television but the walls were covered with art reproductions from dog eared post cards to full size prints, John Olsen’s “Five Bells” filling most of one wall. Bess had seen the original at the SH Ervin gallery in the rocks some years ago. It was an impressive piece.

A telephone sat atop a small sculpture made from zinc galvanised steel sheet held together with pop rivets. It was all odd twists, planes intersecting, a topological nightmare to cut. There was also a notepad and pen; the top page of the pad, while blank, showed the imprint of numbers and notes scribbled on the previous pages, and then torn off the pad.

“Can someone be sure to get the impressions off this note pad.” Bess asked the room.

“On my “to do” list.” a SOCO answered. 

Blue-tacked to the wall just above the phone was a post card of Pope Paul VI. Someone had defaced the image with blue biro; a discrete but erect penis tentatively emerging from the pontiff’s cassock, and a thought bubble, “Goonders! I Fink I got a Stiffy!”

Childish certainly and probably nothing, but it was funny in an embarrassing way. An absurdist foil for the great art covering the rest of the room. Bess smirked a little and admitted she liked this young man, or would have, if things were different. 

“Who found the body?” Bess asked no-one in particular.

“Woman next door. He was still warm. The Boss has just gone in there.” a SOCO replied without looking up from his work. He was carefully collecting ash from a small frog shaped ashtray with a rest forming part of the frog’s bottom lip. Bess noted that there were two rollies already safely ensconced in an evidence bag.

“Dope?” Bess asked as she fiddled with the printed pages in her back pocket.

“Yeah. Looks like it.”

“Hhhmmmm…..,” Bess consciously pulled her hand away from the pages. “I’m just off next door, if anyone needs me.” Bess walked out through the laundry vestibule and went next door.

As Bess swung open the neighbour’s back gate she noticed that the mailbox was stuffed with post. She grabbed the bundle of mail and walked inside.

The house was exactly like its neighbour except it was mirrored and Bess found the Senior Investigating Officer sitting with the neighbour in her lounge room. They both looked up as Bess came in.

“Please don’t let me disturb you. Just carry on. I’ll listen in if you don’t mind.”

The officer turned to the woman and made the introduction. “This is Inspector Bess Stafford. She’ll be providing some psychological assistance on this one. Bess, this is Wilhelmina Kinnane. She found the body.”

“Please, call me Billy.” The woman nodded a greeting and smiled absently as Bess handed her the post. “Bess, did you say? Bess Stafford?”

Bess nodded.

The woman gave Bess a closer look. She obviously didn’t understand why “psychological assistance” might be necessary; but more particularly, it seemed that the mention of Bess’ name had triggered something in her memory. She fidgeted with the mail.

“I think he may have mentioned you once or twice,” her tone suggesting this was an uncertain recollection but that there was definitely something about Bess’ name.

The SIO, an Inspector from the Glebe station, seemed surprised at that and looked from the neighbour to Bess and back again, hoping that something more illuminating might pass between them.

‘Hhmmm,” Bess responded, and said to the Glebe Inspector, ‘You didn’t see his computer then?.” The inspector shrugged a no. “So you have no idea why I’m here, do you, really?” The Inspector gave a more nuanced shrug no. Bess smiled softly at the Glebe Inspector and mouthed “I’ll fill you in later.”

She turned to the woman. “Regarding him knowing me; yes, he seems to have known me, or more accurately a version of me, a possible me; but I don’t know him from Adam. Curiouser and curiouser….” Bess shrugged elaborately and smiled at the woman, who smiled back, as if to say it was all a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, tucked inside an enigma.  

Bess was thinking that “psychological assistance” as a job description was a bit vague, perhaps even obscurantist, but there was certainly something psychological going on.

While the SIO continued the interview, collecting the boilerplate answers that every investigation needs, Bess looked around the room. The hall door was open and Bess could see the hallway rainbow illuminated through what she assumed to be coloured glass in the front door. There were bookshelves running down the party wall of the hall.

Back in the lounge room there was an upright Ronisch piano, some Mozart on the stand and other music books and manuscripts stacked higgledy-piggledy across the top of the upright. It had intact candle holders fitted with white wax candles, burned about halfway down. A tall narrow bookcase sat next to the piano, groaning under the weight of what appeared to be the entire Oxford Reference Set and a collection of well thumbed paperbacks.   

Along the wall, and on which Bess and the SIO sat, was an elaborate nineteenth century cane swooning divan with worn silk damask upholstery and cushions; “call me Billy” sat in the only other chair, fifties Scandinavian minimalism. In front of the closed fireplace sat an old AWA “Deep Image” black and white TV on a low table, a ragged looking tortoise shell cat asleep on top.

There were two professionally framed prints, both Pre-Raphaelites. One was the ever popular “Ofelia” by John Everett Millais; that Shakespearean heroin lying half submerged in the water, her red hair spread and drifting around her while her posey slipped from her loosening grip. Bess remembered a Fine Art lecture from her days at uni that had enumerated the flowers and their meanings. A mix of metaphors jumbled together, Millais had added additional blooms to those mentioned in Shakespeare’s text, creating a sort of semiotic density more suited to viewing than reading.

The other print was “Elegia di Madonna Fiametta” by Rosetti; Boccaccio’s heroine looking not unlike a younger version of the neighbour being interviewed; long red hair, noble nose and large widely-set blue-grey eyes, full lips. Bess tuned in to their conversation.

The mantle over the TV had a collection photos, one of which showed the dead man’s neighbour in cricket whites, padded and holding a bat. She was standing with a young man similarly attired, his trousers held up with a knotted tie.

“…..and he was quite bright, but he didn’t fit in at Sydney. I think it was the first time he’d ever really been free to think for himself. He is.., was, very self possessed and seemed to pursue his own curriculum which, increasingly, diverted from the curriculum he would be examined on. He tried first year twice and failed to complete on both occasions.” 

“How did he support himself? Did he work?”

“He always seemed to get by but he was never flush. To be frank I’m not really sure what he did to earn a living but I know he often wrote advertising copy for print ads. Just print ads. He told me once that he’d got them all fooled at McCann Erickson. Half a dozen lines of semiotic hooks and unconscious memes and hey presto a cheque. He seemed to be always working the edge of something and rarely showed any interest in the core of a matter.”

“Could you elaborate on that?”

“Well, look I could be completely wrong about this but he seemed always to be in a sense, in hiding, but also…, “questing”. The woman had put an uncertain tone to the word as though she were unsure whether that was exactly the right way to describe her neighbours daily life. “He was a nibbler.., at things. If the taste was not to his liking, he moved on to something else He bought the house ten years ago; just before his second attempt at first year. In that time he’s only held one job, you know, a regular job, and that was in the public service. It lasted less than a year. He’s worked with pop bands, on films, TV, that sort of pop cultural stuff. I liked him. I liked him a lot. He was good company, a good friend. I’ll miss him….” 

The neighbour’s recollections tailed off and she looked out the window. Bess noted the look of loss and confusion. She had been genuinely fond of her neighbour.

The Glebe Inspector looked over at Bess, and shrugged, his eyes asking whether or not Bess had any further questions. Bess nodded.

“Sorry to have to keep at this.” The woman blinked a few times, then gave them her attention. Bess continued, “Did he have many visitors, particularly in the last few days?”

“No,” the woman looked absently through her mail, “he never was all that much of a host. There was more activity when he first moved in. The occasional dinner party, sometimes just a group of people around to have a drink and talk. 

I sometimes have friends over to play poker. He became a regular and popular player. He introduced his favourite form of the game to us, 5 Card Hi Lo Screw Your Buddy. Absolutely cut throat game. We all loved it, win or lose.”   

“So no-one in the last few days, that you know of?”

“No, I’ve not seen anyone recently, and certainly no-one this morning. I’ve been in the back garden since just after breakfast, tidying up and wrangling my sweet peas back onto the trellis after the winds yesterday. I’d have seen anyone this morning. No one ever arrives at any of these houses by the front path.” This last sentence trailing off to a murmer. 

The neighbour was looking at a piece of her mail, a look somewhere between concern and confusion.

“This one’s for you. It’s his writing.” She said, awkwardly handing Bess a standard, white, DL envelope, no window, inscribed with her name in a clear hand, no rank, just her name.

A shiver ran through Bess as she took the envelope and opened it. There was a single white, unlined page; in the centre of which, in the same plain hand, was written, “It wouldn’t have been any good.” Bess handed the page to the Glebe Inspector. He read the note, looked at Bess, turning the note so that the message was towards her, his head tilted slightly, his eyes wide with enquiry.

“I have absolutely no idea what it means.” she said quietly, her mind racing through possibilities, probabilities and getting nowhere. Her hand went to the folded printout in her back pocket. “I suppose he’s trying to tell me something, but not knowing what “it” is that wouldn’t “be any good”, I’m afraid I’m clueless.”

The neighbour had turned to look out the window again. The Glebe inspector looked at Bess and kicked his head to the side as if to say, “let’s get out of here.”

Bess pulled her lips back, nodded and let out a short nasal huff. They thanked Ms. Kinnane for her time and said they might be back if they needed more from her. Bess touched the woman gently on the shoulder. She turned from the window and Bess said, “I’m very sorry about your friend. Sudden death is hard to come to grips with. If you need to talk…” Bess gave the woman her card. Bess smiled softly at the woman again, which seemed to perk her up a bit; and then followed the Glebe Inspector out through the back of the house.

When they were out in the lane Bess asked if she might take the computer with her, as well as the photo albums and letters.

“Take whatever you need, just be sure to maintain the integrity of the chain of evidence.” He gave Bess a searching look. “What was on the computer?”

“It looks like the beginning of a novel about me, but its set thirty years from now, just before my retirement.” Bess said flatly.

“Really! How’s that?” Incredulity all over his face. “But you say you don’t know him. How the hell does he know you?”

“At the moment I have absolutely no idea. Maybe his notes and working files will turn up something. I started the day working on a forensic psychiatry report for the Chief Super and ended up here. You now know as much as I do. Look, this is your investigation and you’ll have to carry it. My part seems to be of another order of weirdness entirely. It may be nothing or it may be everything, but right now, I can’t say.”

Bess and the Glebe Inspector went back into Number 5 and he helped Bess gather up the photo albums, letters and the computer and put them in Bess’ car. It was going to be a long night.

16 Mongrel and the Runt

30 Sunday Dec 2018

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Warrigal Mirriyuula

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Butterfly Cakes, Molong, Mongrel, Runt, Victa

Just Another Weekend in Molong

Story by Warrigal Mirriyuula

Harry was in the shop holding the fort for Saturday morning while Porky did the deliveries in the little Anglia van. The Runt, in the passenger seat, paws up on the dash, was eagerly enjoying the adventure. Of course he never went further than the front gate while Porky dropped off the customers’ meat, anxiously circling and sniffing, awaiting Porky’s return and the resumption of the drive. 

Back at Shields Lane, Algy’s head was feeling much better and his vision had cleared. He hadn’t had a headache for a few days and, although the stitches itched like the dickens, he felt he was well on the mend. Mongrel had been by his side all week and Algy had begun to feel like the dog was a real friend.    

Having done his Saturday jobs and helped out at The Pantheon during the lunch trade, young George Cassimatty proudly pulled his Dad’s new Victa Rotomo out of the shed. It was brand new, all shiny green with a big silver “VICTA” on the red boomerang badge, and his dad had said he was only letting young George use it after he’d been taught all about its safe operation.  

It was pretty easy really. You just turned the petrol on, pulled the choke out, put the knotted end of the rope in the hole, wound the rope around the crank wheel and pulled. Simple really, and the only bit George took away from the lesson, as he pushed the mower around to Mrs Bell’s house, was his father’s stern warning. “Keep your feet away from the back of it. This thing‘ll have your toes off in a trice.”

Hearing this Yaya had said the mower was the work of the devil and warned young George that taking the easy way was the beginning of a slippery slope. He should take the old push mower. It would make a man of him.

“Yaya, this is the future.” George’s father said, so very proud of his new mower, and so very proud of his son, “George is going to be that future, he’s got to learn some time.”

Yaya remained unimpressed and while mother and son worked out their differences in the usual Greek way, George had set off for Mrs. Bell’s house to cut her grass and maybe have some more of those lime iced butterfly cakes.

After a rushed greeting from Mrs. Bell, who had said that she had forgotten that young George was coming, George set to the task at hand, making sure he kept his feet well back. 

He’d thought it a little odd that Mrs Bell hadn’t invited him in, but he hadn’t thought much more about it until he was raking up the grass clippings and barrowing them down to spread under the nectarine tree by the school fence. He stopped to wipe his brow and had looked back up to the house. He was surprised to see one of the lace curtains in the sleep-out suddenly pulled closed. The mystery had deepened a little when George, having finished, knocked on the back door. Maybe now Mrs. B would offer the lime iced butterfly cakes.

Instead she had stopped in the doorway, hurriedly thanked him and pressed a shilling into his hand. George had protested, saying he hadn’t done it for the money, but Mrs. Bell wouldn’t hear of it. If George didn’t want the shilling he should donate it to a worthy cause or put it in the plate on Sunday, but she was going to pay him for his work. Mrs. Bell was adamant that she was not a charity case.

George reluctantly accepted that donation was a good idea and left off trying to give the shilling back. His dad was always saying, “If you’ve a spare ‘bob’ or two in your pocket and can help somebody in need, do it.” But George would have preferred the butterfly cakes. 

Perhaps sensing George’s disappointment, Mrs. Bell promised cakes and cordial next time. She just couldn’t manage it today. George thought she sounded a little disappointed too. She was a likeable old stick when all was said and done. George thanked Mrs. Bell and asked her to say g’day to Tinker for him, he’d be back in a few weeks.

As he was pushing the mower up the side of the house George would have sworn he heard Mrs Bell inside, talking with someone, another old lady it sounded like; and though he couldn’t make out what they were saying, it sounded urgent and intimate, the way George’s parents sometimes sounded when the house had gone quiet and they thought they were the only ones awake. George always found his parent’s murmuring reassuring at home, but here, today, in the bright Saturday sunshine, this just sounded mysterious.

Who did Mrs Bell have with her? And why had she not wanted George to see her?

By the time George got the mower home, cleaned off the matted grass, paying special attention to the white walls on the wheels, and was giving the machine a quick rub down with light mineral oil like his dad had said, the mystery was all but forgotten, evaporating away with the 2 stroke fumes and the smell of mashed grass. George had more pressing concerns. He and a mate were going yabbying down on Molong Creek.

It was a quiet afternoon at The Telegraph, just a few punters in. Clarrie was catching up on the news in The Sydney Morning Herald, its broad sheets spread out across the bar. The ABC was broadcasting the Sheffield Shield from Adelaide Oval, the Crow Eaters versus the Sandgropers. The smart money was on WA to win, but SA’s slow left armer, Johnny Wilson, looked dangerous. A casual game of darts started up and every now and then Clarrie had to pull the odd schooner for one of the patrons. 

Beryl and Jenny were upstairs in the flat enjoying some mother and daughter time together, doing sewing repairs on the dining room linen and gossiping. Little Bill had taken off with Porky to the baths for his first swimming lesson. 

When Porky had called to pick him up, young Bill proudly told his Mum he was going to swim in the Olympics and bring her home a gold medal. Beryl and Porky had to laugh at the little bloke’s earnest conviction. Little Bill didn’t like them laughing at him and, putting his tiny fists on his hips, said, “You see if I don’t!”

Porky, deciding that having a big dream wasn’t such a bad thing, got down on his haunches and said to Bill, “Well little mate, first you’re gonna have to float before ya can swim, so whaddaya say? Let’s get cracking.”

It was like any other Saturday on Bank Street. The morning had been busy with shoppers, the street parked out with farm utes, most with a dog in the back; and the locals’ sedans, a few of which also had dogs on the rear parcel shelf. Not real dogs of course, the nodding kind. Not much of a guard dog but certainly able to nod an affirmative to anybody following behind, though what they were affirming would forever remain a mystery. 

Round at Terry Perks’ garage the big AMPOL tanker was pumping fresh fuel into the underground tanks. Terry’s Rottweiler Ronnie was making up to the driver, playing feint and hide round the trucks rear dual bogie, barking his silly head off. Just another Saturday.

As the sun reached over into the west Bank street cleared of cars, excepting the clusters round The Telegraph and The Freemasons, the occasional customer at Hang Seng’s. The day wained quietly, peacefully.

In a small country town there are few rules and regulations. Most everybody knows everybody else, who’s up who and who hasn’t paid, and its just courtesy to keep out of other people’s business.

There are homes, and institutions, businesses and services that are the machine of the town, the mechanism whereby the town supports itself and grows into the future and they represent what the people are, what they do and how they feel about life every day. 

There are also a few places in every town that are different. They represent the hopes of the town and how the people feel about themselves, their families and friends and the future. These are special places, approached with a kind of reverence, or what passes for it in a country town.

These are the places where the entire town comes together to speak and act as one, to seek inclusion and identification, create consensus and the sense of belonging to a place; and it’s fair to say these places represent the heart and soul of the town. 

Molong was no exception to this apparent rule. The town was proud of its churches and its faith, it supported its schools and hospital and while the council chamber was often in heated uproar, none the less the people believed in their local institutions. 

But perhaps there is no more defining place, no more important venue for determining how a town looks to the future, than its sporting facilities and the membership of the community sporting clubs that use those facilities. 

Even in the midst of drought water will be found for the cricket pitch, when wool and wheat prices are low and club coffers are empty, the town will still reach into its already depleted pockets.

So it was that after church on Sunday morning the focus in Molong turned to the Memorial Grounds for the continuing titanic battle between The Molong Cricket Club, known locally and without a hint of irony as the MCC, and their closest rivals in the local competition, The Bushrangers from Canowindra. Ben Hall would have been proud of the Canowindra team. They played like outlaws and were never more daring than during their attempts to bail up Molong.

The sides were pretty evenly matched and both teams saw their encounters as being outside the normal run of the competition, more like slanging and sledging matches really, and that always guaranteed a big turn out of locals.

Algy and Harry had used the Anglia van to transport the barbecue over to the oval and then got all the kids, who were always keen to be involved, collecting up the fallen wood from under the trees. By about 10:30 the sticks were crackling and the hot plate smoking as Harry did a bit of last minute butchery and enjoyed a weak shandy. Harry wasn’t a drinker.

The players were out on the field for the toss. Up went the Florin, glinting in the sun, arced over and fell to the ground. It was Molong’s call and they had elected to bat. 

More people were gathering now, the early arrivers snatching the best shady spots and setting themselves up for a good day of cricket.

The Bushrangers got their field sorted as Algy and Chook took to the crease, padded and gloved. The Umpire gave the nod and the game commenced.

The pride of Canowindra’s quicks loped in for the first delivery of Molong’s innings. It had all the speed and intimidation he could put into it.  The ball flew from his hand and he had trouble keeping his balance without falling flat on the pitch, his flailing recovery not distracting Porky though, even for a moment. 

Porky’s eye never left the ball and in the fraction of a second it took to arrive, Porky had smoothly stepped forward, tipped onto the back foot and walloped a masterful pull shot away over behind deep square leg; it was all speed and air, away for a six. The clapping started even before the ball skidded onto the grass just the other side of the boundary rope. 

It was the beginning of a great innings for Porky and, feeling a bit cocky, he acknowledged the crowd with a twist of his lofted bat. Even a couple of the Canowindra blokes in the outfield joined the applause. 

At the non-striker’s end, Chook threw his head back and laughed, thinking Porky just a little full of himself. Looking over at the Molong supporters lounging in the shade round the pavilion, Chook pointed at Porky as if to say, “Did you see that?” and shaking his head, he wondered if he could do as well against his first delivery. 

He soon had his chance to find out. Porky had blocked a short delivery away for a quick single.

Chook’s first shot, a low sweeper, lacked the athletic brilliance of Porky’s six but it had a certain homely shine on it and looked like it might go for four.

The ball was running away to the boundary at Deep Third Man, chased by two determined Canowindra fieldsmen. Mongrel jumped up from beside Algy and went after it too, like his life depended on it; The Runt, jumping out from under Harry’s empty deck chair, set off in hot pursuit. He couldn’t match Mongrel’s speed but he gave it his best.

The Canowindra fieldsman, running from Deep Cover, got to the ball first, diving for it as it neared the rope. He just managed to stop the four but couldn’t get up and return the ball before Porky and Chook had run three, getting Chook on the board.

There was some desultory applause from the crowd and Mongrel and The Runt joined in, directing some canine sledging, a quick mouthful of happy snappy barking, at the Canowindra fieldsman who’d stopped the ball. He turned and barked back at the dogs, sitting a surprised Mongrel on his bum, but setting The Runt off yapping and growling. The fieldsman laughed at the little dog and that just seemed to make it worse. Mongrel, perhaps enduring the dog equivalent of embarrassment, stood up and shook himself off. 

He barked at the fieldsman’s back, just one bark, pitched somewhere between anger and uncertainty, before returning to the pavilion and Algy via the outfield, The Runt trotting beside him with the occasional growling look back.

As Porky’s and Chook’s opening partnership beat the bowlers and rolled inexorably over the Canowindra fieldsmen, the discussion round the keg under the trees turned to the story of the week, the dead bloke found out at MacGuire’s last Monday. 

As will happen when these matters crop up in a small country town, the bush telegraph had somewhat embellished the tale and by the time discussion under the trees began in earnest it ranged from an outrageously overblown tale of neo Nazi’s dealing with one of their own, to a huge sheep duffing conspiracy that encompassed the entire Central West. 

It was supposed that the neo Nazi theory was based, in some small part at least, on the simple fact that Gruber had become involved. It was completely implausible, “I mean, sure, Gruber’s German, but an abo Nazi…? Nahhhh!” It was just unbelievable and was peremptorily dismissed as the product of an over fertile imagination. Sheep duffing however was much more plausible, even likely; particularly with the rain green pastures filling up with spring lambs gambolling the days away. “They’re just there for the taking.”

Chook’s innings came to an end, caught behind for 36. There was no shame in that as Chook walked off and joined the rest of the team around the pavilion. The new batsman, Jimmy Hang Seng, joined Porky in the middle. 

“Look out, its Foo Manchu!” sledged a Bushranger, but Jimmy just smiled and gave him the two finger salute. Within a few deliveries he had settled in and he and Porky continued slamming the Bushrangers.

Off field, discussions around the dead man had reached a kind of impasse with proponents of differing theories unable to proceed without further information. Two delegates from the main theoretical teams were chosen and they made their way over to Chook. They wanted the guts and Chook was the only one with the knowledge. The Express had a Front Page Special planned for Monday, so for the time being it had been gossip and confabulation. Only Chook had what they needed.

The two delegates surreptitiously gestured for Chook to join them around the side of the pavilion. These were matters best discussed under cover.

Chook joined them with a look of enquiry, “What’s up? You blokes look like a coupla B Grade film villains, lurking for no good purpose.”

“Yeah, well, this dead bloke.” It was one of the men who worked at the limestone quarry on the ridge at the back of the town. Not usually one to let on that he wasn’t fully clued in to everything that was going on about; his left eye, which had a flickering tick when he was stressed, confirmed the importance of their purpose today. 

“What’s the guts Chook? “What’s it all about mate. I mean, we hear that this bloke’s dead and there’s somethin’ hooky about the thing, and what about the wives? Are they safe? I mean, Chook, it’s a public safety thing see?”

“Oorrr, calm down pally!” Chook had to smile at the two of them. They’d obviously blown the thing up and now Chook had to administer the pin to burst their bubble. “I can’t tell you anything. Its an ongoing enquiry; an’ anyway, if you can wait until t’morra The Express has got all that I could tell ya. But I will say this. The wives and daughters are perfectly safe. We’re all perfectly safe. The incident seems to have nothing to do with anything here in town.”

“Somebody said the stiff was an abo. That right…?

Chook snorted with irritation, then shook his head. “The Express, tomorrow. That’s all I can say, really.” He gave them his copper’s stern look. Somewhat taken aback they turned and ambled off, muttering to one another; the quarry worker looking back at Chook briefly, uncertainly. 

Chook turned to rejoin the rest of the team lounging around the front of the pavilion. As he did so he spied someone sitting on a chair in the deep shade of the trees way over on the eastern side of the oval. Chook felt a twinge of uncomfortable unconscious curiosity and looked more closely. He couldn’t quite make out the person, or the scene, so deep was the shade. He tried to  clear his vision, shading his eyes with his hand; and then he recognised who it was, and the easel, and the box of pens and brushes. 

Chook just lost it again. It was Miss Hynde from The Pines, and while Chook had certainly spent the early part of the week unable to get her out of his mind, he had managed to keep the insistent memories of his brief visit last Monday evening to a minimum for the last couple of days; and now here she was again and Chook was just as discombobulated as he has been at their first meeting. He goosebumped remembering the gentle grip of her hand on his forearm as he had departed the glowing cottage. He saw again the two lithe statuettes and the screaming man in her shed, and the way she had smiled at him. Full of knowing. Deep down inside of himself he knew she knew who he was, probably better than he knew himself. Well, maybe not; but she knew something.

Chook walked a few awkward steps in Miss Hynde’s direction, then suddenly lowered and shook his head, turning back, and then turning back again to look over to the shade under the trees. A few of his mates were watching him. They could see that he was distracted, confused, maybe even distressed….

“You right Chook?” one asked in a tone that implied that whatever was going through Chook’s mind, it must be foolishness. Chook had a reputation as a rock, not easily displaced.

Chook snapped back to look at the bloke. “Yeah….., yeah I’m orright. I just…., look, yeah look….,I’ll be back in a bit. I just gotta go over ……, back soon….”

As the blokes looked at one another shrugging, Chook made off around the oval fence in the direction of Miss Hynde; each step increased his uncertainty as surely as each step found him more ridiculously happy. Chook had it in mind to tell Miss Hynde exactly what she did to him. 

Best of 2018 Volume 2

26 Wednesday Dec 2018

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon, Politics in the Pig's Arms

≈ 5 Comments

Never trust a man with a moustache …. or a woman

Playlist by Algernon

I don’t wanna be without you – James Hunter Six

Whatever it takes – James Hunter Six

I should’ve spoke up – James Hunter Six

Matter of time – Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings

Sail on – Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings

Rumors – Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings

Bet Ain’t worth the hand – Leon Bridges

Beyond – Leon Bridges

Georgia to Texas – Leon Bridges

Say it loud – James Brown

(Don’t Worry) If there’s a hell down below we’re all gonna go – Curtis Mayfield

Instant Replay – Wanda Robinson

Summer madness – Kool and the gang

Call on God – Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings

Foodge – A Much Bigger Number in the Key of Royal Minor

26 Wednesday Dec 2018

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Big M

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Big M, Foodge


Simulated Foodge Blood Sample
(actual size)

Story by Big M

Big M awoke in a narrow little bed that seemed to be in a tiny room. There was a tremendous knocking. ‘Oh, Christ’. He thought.’ Not Foodge and Granny again?’ The knocking seemed to continue, and, this time wasn’t associated with cries of pain, or ecstasy, that seemed to emanate throughout the upstairs rooms of the pub at intervals through the night. He suddenly realised it was coming from the door. “Please come in and stop that infernal knocking.”

A very ebullient Manne bounced into the room. “Have yer worked out a plan?”

“What, to get rid of this headache?” Big M had probably imbibed a little too much IPA, and had had very little sleep.

“Well, with a head like that, why wouldn’t it ache?” Manne cheerily replied. He didn’t really know what it meant, but his father used to say it to him when he was a kid.

“What time is it?” Big M shovelled a couple of panadol into his mouth.

“Sparra’s fart”Manne grinned.

“Why so fucking early?” Big M was searching his toiletry bag for some Zantac.

“Early, no I’ve been doin’ some jobs for Mr Merv, getting’ the kitchen ready for Granny.” Manne absent mindedly picked at a dirty fingernail. “Anyhoo, I reckon we need to get some sheila, I mean, lady to impersonate a Lady in Waiting on Foodge’s phone. You know, to explain the blood test.”

“Fiendishly clever, Mr Manne, he would see straight through a letter, but a phone call would instantly appeal to his Royalist tilt. He’ll probably think he’ll be getting a knighthood!”  Just then their conversation was interrupted by a tremendous knocking, each knock accompanied by cries of….you get what I mean. “Oh shit, let’s go and have some breakfast.

A couple of hours later Big M sat back in his chair, having consumed multiple cups of black coffee, a Thai omelette , wedges with sweet chilli sauce, and Atlantic salmon. “Manne, when did the menu become so, um, er, international?”

“Well, Granny needed a break, so I’ve been doin’ some of the cookin’  You know that I grew up in Thailand, and me Dad was a chef?  Manne cleared the table. “Do you think you may appreciate the hair of the dog? I mean, you look a bit peaky.”

“I was about to say that I didn’t realise you had grown up, let alone in Thailand. Excellent idea, young Manne, I mean about the beer, and the cooking.” Big M had loosened off his belt a tad, but left his button done up. ‘I mean, Christ.’ He thought. ‘Yer not on the Newcastle train now!’

Manne appeared with a pint of Granny’s Best as Foodge seemed to emanate out of nowhere. “Ah, Foodge, good to see you, Old Son!” Big M enthused as he struggled to his feet to shake our Dear Boy’s hand. “How the hell are ya’?”

“Fabulous Uncle M. You look well, how is Aunty M?” Foodge sat opposite Big M and motioned Manne to pour a second canoe. “Manne, would you be kind enough to prepare a six egg white omelette on sourdough, mushrooms, tomatoes and a side of chipolatas?”

“So, the usual Mr Foodge?” Manne shuffled off to the kitchen.

“Big day today, M.” Foodge eagerly drank the first half of his pint. “Off to the cordwainer.” Foodge motioned to the shopping bag on the floor. “Might have a poke around the Queen Victoria Building while I’m there.”

“Cordwainer, what’s a bloody cordwainer?” Big M shouldn’t be surprised at Foodge’s outlandish pronouncements.

“A cordwainer is a shoe maker. These brogues aren’t going to resole themselves!” Foodge skulled the last of his pint, and was already eagerly looking around for someone to proffer another.

“Oh, so you mean a cobbler?” Big M was also looking for another pint.

“No, I mean a cordwainer. A cobbler is simply a shoe repairman.” Thankfully Manne had placed two pints of Granny’s Pale Ale in front of them. “Besides, I think my left foot may be changing shape, so may need to have my last adjusted, or even remade.”

“Last, what fucking last?” Big was lost in the discussion.

“You know, when the cordwainer makes a shoe he makes a wooden model of your foot called a last. What does your cordwainer do?” A plate of eggs and mushrooms had appeared at his elbow. “Ah, eggsellent!” Foodge never tired of this little joke.

“I don’t have a cordwainer. I can’t afford custom made shoes.” Big M was growing exasperated, but his headache had settled.

“Don’t have a cordwainer? Next you will tell me you don’t have a tailor! Although you do have that off the shelf look about you” Foodge was searching the table for some Tabasco sauce. “Ah.” It was right there with the salt and pepper. Just then Foodge’s phone rang. “Hello, yes, Foodge here. Yes. Lady in Waiting to whom? …You want to what? ….Family tree? ….What?… Present from my pals at the Pigs Arms? …You want to what? …Blood taken?” Foodge was suddenly sitting up very straight. “I could be a Minor Royal? …Yes, of course, I’ll get the blood taken…Thank you, Your Majesty. No, Oh, thank you, your Lady…I’ll get it done today..” Foodge put the iPhone away. “Big M, you’ll never guess…”

Big M already had a syringe and needle in his hand. “Which arm. Foodge?”

Bess Stafford Investigates

26 Wednesday Dec 2018

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Warrigal Mirriyuula

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

David Bohm, Heisenberg, John Woolley, Schroedinger, University of Sydney

Zero Sum

Story by Warrigal Mirriyuula

The First Day (1976)

The Professor strode into the lecture theatre and dumped his armful of texts and papers onto the desk without ceremony. He set the lectern up with his notes and then quickly assumed a position in front of the desk, looking up at the students as they moved into the theatre, shuffling and sliding to their seats. 

After waiting what seemed an appropriate length of time the Professor jumped his backside up onto the desktop, spread his arms wide and said quite loudly, “Right! Quieten down people. We’ve got a lot to get through today.” 

The students took little notice. A lot of them were looking around the room for faces they recognised, taking note of the name tags each of them had pinned to themselves. This was the first time they had all been assembled in one theatre.

Now, even louder and sterner, “Quieten down…, people please, people, a little shush!”. There was no appreciable quietening and the Professor lowered and shook his head. It was always like this at the beginning of the year. He tried again.

“If you attend closely…,” he suddenly turned sharply, balled a sheet of paper and shied it at a particularly boisterous student, giving him a look of stern disapproval, before returning to his remarks with, “I can assure you that before you leave this course you may well be terminally confused, or maybe, just maybe you will have been sorely amazed, and possibly, just possibly, your existence changed forever!”

His audience, still finding their seats and getting themselves set up for the lecture, laughed at this hyperbole. Although these were all senior graduates from a diverse range of disciplines, they were freshers to this course and hadn’t had the chance to become familiar with the Professor’s sense of humour first hand. 

They’d heard the legend when they’d accepted the offer of a position on this very selective course. The words used included mercurial, moody, and of course brilliant; but it was what former students and associates couldn’t put into words that made up the bulk of the Professor’s legend. 

Comment on the Professor often started with, “I don’t know, but…”, usually with the head negotiating a rather complex series of turns looking like nothing so much as a physiological attempt to perform every semiotically meaningful head movement, all at the same time. 

The physics wags claimed he had a certain “dark energy”, you couldn’t see it but you knew it was there none the less; but having never seen it, no-one could really say what it was that was the source of this energy. There was some agreement that just being around him had some sort of transformative affect on students. The best of them became becalmed in his presence, content to just absorb him, like a lizard in the warm light of summer sunshine; and even the least seemed to find ideas in themselves they would never have thought themselves capable of even harbouring, let alone expressing. 

The Professor had come to Sydney University about five years before, having first been appointed an adjunct professor in the Philosophy department. He’d spent most of his time there conducting soirees under the Jacaranda tree in the corner of the main quad. Those students that stuck the course did well, though there was a high attrition rate and by the end of that year only four of the original twelve finished.

His method was unrelentingly Socratic and many past students claimed that they had never heard him, even once, use the declarative in reference to any aspect of the course. His stock in trade was the interrogative. “Every question leads to further questions, or it isn’t a question worth asking.” his students would claim he said, but even that might have been too declarative for the Professor.

He’d moved on from Philosophy after that academic year. His new position was notionally in the Physics department, but that too only lasted a year.

He had finally come to rest, an academic orphan, in a set of rooms in the eastern range of Edmund Blackett’s old neo-gothic quad. 

Located in the basement, the only natural light had to make its way down past the cars parked outside against the building, the weeds growing against the old sandstone, and finally, through the small ground level windows perpetually dirtied with car exhaust, rain-splash and the grime that came with the University’s inner city location. 

Inside, those windows were high up on the wall and each morning, once the sun had climbed just that little higher, the windows offered little to dispel the dark and there was always a pervasive sense of subterranean intensity. The small suite of rooms developed a reputation as some sort of intellectual Altamira where there was always something more going on than just the depth, the dark, the art and the artificer. It was considered a privilege to be invited for tea in the Professor’s rooms. 

And, of course, there was the course; a kind of finishing off, a final cognitive and intellectual polish to the already bright academic careers of the students; always delivered here in the lecture theatre of the ivy clad Woolley Building on Science Road.

Given three choices, the professor had chosen the venue himself. He liked its brick solidity and relative lack of embellishment compared to the main quad and many other of the older buildings on campus. He’d said he wasn’t up to the Carslaw Theatres’ brutality and the General Lecture Theatre at the back of the main quad was like a subterranean sepulchre where ideas came to be interred and forgotten. 

Besides, the Professor always claimed a kindred spirit with Woolley the man. John Woolley had given his professional life to raising the minds of his antipodean charges. He was both a Principal and Professor at the newly constituted University of Sydney, but he also freely gave his time to lecture to workers at The Sydney Mechanics Institute. 

In 1866, at only 49, Woolley had drowned in The Bay of Biscay when the overloaded SS London foundered in heavy seas on its way back to Australia. A fine, decent man and a great loss to Australia’s nascent academia. The Ivy clad Woolley had been the home of the course for the past three years.. 

It wasn’t your usual course, of course. It was only for the select and selected few, and the winnowing of candidates was as thorough going as it was somewhat unusual. 

Operating globally and funded by a private international philanthropic trust, monitoring of potential candidates started at age seven, Primary candidate selection made at thirteen, and Secondary at matriculation. It was generally accepted that a High Distinction average across a candidate’s undergraduate course was necessary to stay in contention, and the all important post graduate work finally determined the ultimate candidate selection.   

A wide range of students from around the globe had been offered positions in the course based on that selection process and today was the first day of the new semester. 

They were an mixed bunch. There were musicians, mathematicians, physicists, cosmologists, philosophers, psychiatrists and psychologists, there were biologists and neurologists, and all manner of cognitive scientists, historians, and there were artists and fine arts graduates and a contingent of Chinese calligraphers; curiously sitting with economist proponents of the Elliot Wave theory, who might have been looking forward to lucrative careers in finance before they were sidetracked to the Professor’s course. There was even a theological student whose PhD had been on the rise of the Jesuits. The theatre was filled with a naïve enthusiasm at odds with the usual seriousness of these young minds.   

The auditorium was beginning to settle so the Professor began.

“You’ve all done your reading. I know this because you’re all now professional intellectuals  and wouldn’t dare turn up here without having done it. So, lets get straight into it, shall we?”

The lights went down and multiple slide projectors set up at the back of the auditorium began to clatter and clack as they projected a multitude of images onto three screens suspended from a temporary truss that spanned the theatre. An audio system, unnoticed until now, began playing back a primitive drum tattoo that, having established its pattern, segued into the sound of moslem women ululating at a funeral, followed by the sound of a, crumhorn, was it? And so it went on. 

The Professor raised his voice against the audio. “Up on the screens you’ll see a selection of the material we’ll be looking at for the next few weeks. This material has been included in your course folders, including all the peripheral resources and the tools you’ll need to manipulate any numerical data. Those of you without access to a computer can get help from those that do. It is of the essence of this course that you co-operate with one another.”

The three big screens were currently covered in images of great art and architectural glories; there was The Pieta and the Willendorf Venus, naïve medieval church interiors and Lichtenstein’s “Whaam”, Gobekli Tepe, and Mohenjo Daro, the Giza pyramids and Angkor Wat were included in a sequence that included the Flat Iron Building and the World Trade Centre in New York;  the audio played on, now The Beatles’, “Penny Lane”. 

On the other screens there were maps, graphs and tables, algorithms, word lists of cognates, there was photography of all kinds and screen captures from TV and movies including “Frankenstein” and a BBC production of “Gormenghast”; there were hundreds of them cycling through, blinking up on the screens for a few seconds before being replaced by another. Faces of the famous starting several millennia ago with the Rameses, then the Greeks including Socrates and Archimedes, and Romans, Augustus, Nero, then Cicero and Seneca, then Hadrian amongst many others; and working its way up through the centuries; eventually Freud, Jung and Adler, but also John Wayne Gacy, L.Ron Hubbard and Pope Paul VI. As the slide show continued for several minutes, all the students were glued to the screens, watching and wondering what all these things could have in common.

The professor watched the faces of the students as they watched the changing images. He could see the growing effect of the slideshow and audio. The Student’s faces, at first excited, then calmer, more deeply curious, became blank as the eyes flitted from image to image, exciting their deeper consciousness. He let the presentation run on for a few more minutes to Hindemith’s “Metamorphosis”.

In the midst of a double forte horn figure the professor killed the audio. The sudden silence was startling. 

“So what are we about here? Anyone?” There seemed no rush to respond, the students were still entranced by the continually changing images. “Anyone…?” 

Eventually, as the Professor scanned the faces in the theatre, a few students tentatively put their hands up. One or two of them then, uncertain, bringing them down again. 

“Remember what you were told when you signed up; there are no wrong answers in this course, only more interesting questions. This course is not like your previous courses. Its more about how you think than what you think.” The Professor did one more visual turn round the theatre before uttering a quiet “Hhmmmm”.

“Come on people, this isn’t difficult. All we’re looking for is the unseen, the invisible link.” the Professor turned from the students and rounded the desk before leaning forward against the back edge, looking up at the ceiling, a little disappointed. 

“Yes…,” he checked the name tag and quickly consulted the course register, a pure mathematician, “ …Dravinda.” he finally nodded to the sole remaining nearby raised hand.

“Well, all the images reflect the creative impulse and the growth of human consciousness, or more particularly its expression; and, well, that’s aberrant psychology, statistically; either negatively, as in the case of the serial killers, or positively, as with the artists and the like. All of this material is representative of the outcome of a creative intellectual leap from the known and experienced to the unknown and yet to be experienced, So that might be the collapse of the quantum wave function….,” He paused briefly, then his face lit up, “No, no, this is about implicature….., no, this is about implicate and explicate enfoldment.”

“You got that from this?” the professors eyes widened with surprise, “Well done you! OK, so what about it?

“Well, more particularly, you’re going to steer us towards quantum consciousness and the zero point field”

“Good,” the Professor managed to combine both a shake and a nod of his head, quite pleased that the student had winkled his way into the mess of the thing and been able to form a coherent intellectual position about the unseen links between the various items, “but what about it?”

“Well, from what we’ve seen up there,” Dravinda pointed at the main screen, “and the reading list, I think you intend to start on a tangent, any tangent, and then show that these items are points on that tangent and those tangents are tensors in a kind of chaos analysis?”

The professor had began to nod slowly and eventually let out a brief chuckle followed by a long wide mouthed “Aaahhhh…, so someone did have an idea. Well done Dravinda. Now, how many of you thought something similar but thought to test the wind before engaging in our little discourse?”

A few hands went up among the mathematicians and physicists, then a few more scattered about the theatre .

The Professor smiled almost parentally at his students, “Of course, of course. Being who you are, many of you would have had more than an inkling of what we are about here from the reading list.” From time to time he had to remind himself that while these were the best of the brightest, most of them had never experienced the real world, having been intellectually cosseted most of their lives, feted for their intelligence. They were for the most part still children. The professor paused briefly to look again into the faces of his students. The slide projectors clattered on.

“Well let me assure you again. There are no wrong answers here and the best way to get the most out of this time we’ll spend together is to dive right in and swim as hard as you can. If there’s one thing I know about teaching this course, and it might be the only thing I’ve ever learned about learning, it’s that you’ll learn more, the more uncomfortable you feel about what you think, the more uncertain you are about the question you want to ask. You could say we’re here to do away with certainty and the easy answer. To reach a state of terminal interrogation. This is not like your previous course work. There will be no way to determine your relative rankings at the conclusion. The “results” will be internal, cognitive, personal, and you’ll have no more to show than the simple fact that you were here and you completed this course.”

That seemed to quieten the theatre a little. These were competitive minds. The notion that they had gone through all that they had to be selected, and then there’d be nothing to show, except a certificate of attendance, left a few of them wondering whether it was all worth it.

The professor looked around the tiered seats noting the slow impact of what he had said. His face suddenly brightened.

“Anyway; all of the material you’re looking at up here” he shot a finger over his shoulder, “and a lot more, plus all the ancillary materials you’ll need are on reserve in Fisher Library and can be accessed at any time by any of you during library hours. You’ll find that these resources have been categorised to ease the sharing of information between you all and the expectation is that you will co-operate in your various researches. The professor paused to let that sink in.

“There is no expectation that fine artists will become quantum physicists, but there is an expectation that they might, where appropriate, collaborate, to reach a mutual conclusion. I not only encourage multidisciplinary work, I believe it to be essential for you all to get the most out of this course. I can already see some rather unusual teams forming up.” The professor looked up at the calligraphers and Elliot wavers. Even the professor was having trouble parsing the links that appeared to form organically in that combination. “So lets get straight into it.”

“Go to “Bohm” in your folders, open up the “quotes”.

“The one that starts, “As in our discussion of matter in general, it is now necessary to go into the question of how in consciousness the explicate order is what is manifest…” This quote, by the way is from as yet unpublished work, so we’ll be speculating on this at the same time Bohm is. Wouldn’t it be marvellous if we could “read” the implicate enfolded in Bohm’s consciousness?” A few students giggled at the fairytale prospect.

“But we can’t, so lets speculate on what Bohm means here. Anyone want to jump in? The waters warm, and deep.”

A young woman sitting in the second row shot her hand up and without waiting for acknowledgement dived straight into her speculations.

“If, as Bohm says, each moment is explicate but enfolds all implicate possibilities and in quantum consciousness it is the “remembering” or the bringing of the implicate up into the consciousness of memory, the explicate, if you see what I mean; then that would imply that under certain conditions it might be possible to….., um, given that the brain doesn’t consciously differentiate between remembered and perceived, you know, except when we consciously choose to differentiate…., um…, well, so we could “think” things into being…., if you see what I mean. Sort of, “think it and it will be…..,” 

“…and what are the implications, if you’ll excuse me,of that enormous and somewhat alarming idea, anyone else…?” The professor liked to get things rolling and then keep them going at as quick a pace as the students could stand.

An architecture graduate, “That can’t be right; implying, as it does, that any individual consciousness could change the physical expression of the universe. How would that work?”

“The answer may only apply to an individual’s creative thinking. It may not be literally applicable to the so called “real world”. Think on this. Perhaps reality is only a projection  of a consensus among consciousnesses. Sorry for the tortured word. That would preclude the explication of contradictory implicates.”

The students were warming to this. A few of them displaying the kind of excitement common at children’s parties when guessing games are played. One of the more excited students, now just shouting out, “Heisenberg and Schroedinger, but from a philosophical perspective…”

“Weren’t the mathematics philosophical enough for you?” A comedian in the group.

“The Gioconda smile.” a fine arts grad shouted.

“Heraclitean fire!” That must have been the theology student.

The an architect again, “Iktinos and Kallikrates and the design of the Parthenon with all those ever so slight bulges that none the less satisfy what the eye expects and thereby confirm a geometry that doesn’t exist but looks like it does.

“You’re right, its all geometry at some level”

One of the calligraphers had his hand up. They were an unusual group, very quiet and keeping very much to themselves, they’d had to apply for permission from Beijing to attend the course. A political cadre had come with them. He sat at the edge of their group, a look of concentration on his face as he kept an eye on his charges. 

The Professor nodded a quick bow, indicating that the Chinese student had the floor. 

“When we are are at our work,” his English was flawless, “we are seeking to discover, to tease out the unseen in a word or idea. We are also seeking the centre of ourselves, and to make manifest the dynamism of the act in the final work. We seek to understand the world through an understanding of our own being in the moment of creation, a reconciliation of the interior individual and the external world across a metaphysical creative bridge to bring into being something which is both of the artist and of the world, but more than both. I think the English idiom is “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” He finished and sat quietly, neither seeking nor expecting a response. There was a discernible pause.

That pause was broken by a strong voice from right up the back, “Actually, what about those silhouette perception tests?” It was a young woman. “Those black and white images that might be two black faces looking at one another across a white field, or a white vase on a black field. There is a cognitive continuum which stretches from the two faces to the vase, but somewhere along that continuum there is a single point, a place of no scale and no fixed location, that is the tiniest of interstitial spaces between the faces and the vase but at which, perceptually, there is neither faces nor vase, there’s your SchroedingerandKallikrates all bound up together.”

“And Heisenberg, don’t forget Heisenberg.” the professor added with some energy. “So its the seen and the unseen, or more particularly what happens cognitively at the point of turnover. Sounds simple doesn’t it? And it is, in the end, but we’re a long way from that end. Look, these are all good answers but you’re all still thinking like undergrads.” 

“You,” the professor pointed up at the young woman in the second last row who had aired the idea about perception. He looked up her name in the course register, “Bess, is it? Yes. Bess…., You’re absolutely in the wheelhouse. Do you feel like steering our ship?”

The young woman blushed and smiled at the professor. He felt a little unbalanced by her smile.

“That’s all I’ve got at the moment, except to say that there must be something in that non-moment of no time and place. That’s what fascinates me.” She smiled again and the professor now felt a subtle “push”. There was something metaphysical in that smile. 

He made a quick note on a slip of paper and pushed it into his pocket, exclaiming as he did so, “Oh, well done! And yes, so it should fascinate you, all of you, because that’s where we’re going. Into that tiniest of places between utter chaos and the strange attractions of systems and order. All the really good stuff happens there!”

IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE BEING A CARER

20 Thursday Dec 2018

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Vivienne

≈ 3 Comments

Simulated picture of a Live-in Carer and patient

(As long as you don’t mind dealing with a lot of shit)

or…….

How to be a Carer of a person with multiple problems arising from cancer treatment.

Keep calm and have patience in abundance.

Remember that a woman can do anything.  Men probably can too when it comes to the crunch.

Have a strong stomach for icky stuff.

Do a lot of research.

Never accept anything without questioning it.

Remember your gut feeling is usually right.

Be tech savvy because programable nutrition pumping machines don’t come with instructions and are not logical.

Keep important phone numbers at hand at home and on your mobile phone.

Makes notes every day.  You’ll be amazed at questions doctors ask because they don’t have any notes passed on to them by other doctors or nursing staff especially when you’re dealing with three different hospitals.  Type notes up on your computer and run an up-to-date copy off for every major event.

Observe the patient’s reactions and changes which may be related to changes in medications or new medications.

If you’re calling the ambulance at night put all house lights on – inside and outside – because there’s no street lighting in non town/village areas (our house is 200 metres from the gravel road).

If patient has collapsed at home, keep very calm even if they look like death warmed up.

Buy twice as many PJs as you think are needed and don’t be surprised at how hard it is to buy summer ones during the summer, especially ones the right size. You can’t be choosey about the colour either.

Be lucky to have a good small ceramic mortar and pestle for turning to powder pills which have to be administered via a feeding tube.  Getting them in is another thing because they don’t really dissolve and quickly like to form a sediment.

Be good at making baby food and transitioning to moist grown up food.

Have lots of rolls of paper towels and big and thick tissues.

Don’t mind doing repetitive rather boring stuff.  

Get a pee bottle.

Be excellent at timetabling and shopping with very limited time.

Be good at filling in very lengthy forms.

If possible, have private top hospital health insurance.  Out of pocket expenses have been inconsequential.

Be lucky at getting a park at the hospital carpark (good luck with that indeed).

Try not to forget to feed yourself and keep on enjoying a wine or two or three.

Note: this is an extremely short version of my experiences over last thirteen months.  There are some details which no one really needs to know – like what really bad constipation is like when your bladder has gone to sleep after an operation (who knew that could happen and why weren’t we warned?) and why they demand half your teeth have to be pulled (well that did cost a small fortune). The good news is that the patient is close to being back to normal.

By Vivienne

Joyce Slams Andrew Broad For Not Considering Staff Members For Extramarital Affair

18 Tuesday Dec 2018

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Uncategorized

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

Andrew Broad, Barnaby Joyce, Some other broad

Borrowed from The Shovel on December 18, 2018

Who doesn’t like a fine line in hypocrisy ?

Former National Party leader and Deputy Prime Minister, Barnaby Joyce has slammed his colleague,  Andrew Broad, for not considering his personal staff for his extramarital affair.

Joyce’s outburst came after allegations were published in New Idea that Broad broke with National Party tradition and relied on a third-party dating website to find suitable partners for his affairs.

‘There’s nothing wrong with the girls we hire!’ Joyce said. ‘I’m disappointed and appalled by Andrew’s lack of judgement’.

Broad, who yesterday resigned as Assistant Minister to the Deputy Prime Minister, Michael McCormack, has expressed deep regret for his actions and vowed to keep future affairs within the National Party family.

Best of 2018 Volume 1

14 Friday Dec 2018

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon

≈ 12 Comments

B

Continuing his tradition of really weird covers …..  What’s the message here ?

Playlist by Algernon

Wanted Man – Frankie Laine

Standing on the edge of tomorrow – The Damned

Long time gone – Tom Jones and Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

What’s chasing you – Marlon Williams

Wash in the rain – The Bees

You’re the reason our kids are ugly – Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty

Bad Bad News- Leon Bridges

Theres a bastard cat

Burning down the house – Tom Jones (with The Cardigans)

Unstoppable – Lianne La Havas

Don’t wanna fight – Alabama Shakes

River – Leon Bridges

Down by the riverside – Blind boys of Alabama

Swing low sweet chariot – Beyonce

Ain’t a sin – Charles Bradley

Image

Cairns Alfresco

07 Friday Dec 2018

Old Car seat that was outside in a storm, collected a pile of hail and somebody put a couple of bottles of beer in hail - as a makeshift Esky.

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff | Filed under Emmjay

≈ 10 Comments

A Retiring Merv

02 Sunday Dec 2018

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Big M

≈ 8 Comments

The last know image of Merv

The Redoubtable Big M walks into a bar….

Big M had reached a heightened, or perhaps, lowered meditative state that can only be achieved by feeding garden waste through a mulcher. He hated enjoyed this simple mindless task because it suited his intellect, as well as his vast horticultural skills. A nagging thought repeatedly interrupted his meditation. It was something he had read some months back. He had paid all of the bills, emptied the recycling basket, and watered the baby lettuce. Oh, shit, what was it? Must be some fuckin’ trick question, or somethin’ Mrs M wanted. He ruminated. Something about the Pigs Arms….Ah, Mr Merv retirin’. “Oh shit.” He yelled.

“What’s wrong, Dear?” Mrs M yelled back. “Did you cut your finger off, again, or see a snake, or get the cord on your shorts caught in the mulcher, or fall off a ladder….?”

“No, it’s Merv. Get me best suit, and brogues, and that new Fedora….Oh, wait, I’m not Foodge. Can you book me a fourth class ticket on the Flyer?” Yelled M over the sound of the mulcher.

“Probably not!” Mrs M had already lost interest.

“Why?” Yelled M, as he dragged the mulcher back into the garage.

“It’s not 1937, and there is no Flyer, and you can use your Opal Card.”  Mrs M knew exactly what was happening, so was already getting her handbag and car keys, knowing that the next question would be something about being driven to the train station.

Twenty minutes later Big M found himself firmly ensconced in an oxymoronically named ‘quiet car’ heading towards Sydney at speeds of up to seventy kilometres per hour. Not three hours later he found himself in the Gentlemen’s Bar at the Window Dressers’ Arms, Pig and Whistle. “Barkeep, a pint of your best.”

Merv was about to turn around and face the arrogant sod when he suddenly recognised the voice. He turned around anyway. “I’m not yer fuckin’ barkeep!” Then grinned. “Gib W, I mean Big M, I’d forgotten who was writing this episode. How the hell are you?” He crushed Big M’s soft nurse’s hand in a vice like grip. A glass canoe quickly followed.

“I’m already enjoying my retirement.” Mumbled M through a foamy, hoppy moustache. “Always thirsty work, commuting.” As he pushed the empty canoe across to Merv who picked up on the hint and proffered another foamy treat. “Anyway, I’m not here to talk about me, I’m here to discuss this rumour about YOUR retirement!”

“Ah, well, that’s difficult.” Merv looked around furtively. “It’s not me that I’m tryin’ to get retired, it’s Granny.  I thought that if I sold my share of the pub she might retire.”

“Granny, why Granny? I mean, she’ll work until she drops.” Big M was already looking at the bottom of his empty glass.

“Therein lies the problem.” Merv was pretty pleased with himself for getting in one of those high faluting words, like heretofore, and such. “She’s bloody exhausted!” A third canoe was paddling across the heavily stained timber bar.

“I know the feelin’.” M was as unsteady with his words as his legs, but eagerly skulled another half pint.

“I’ll bet you don’t. It’s bloody Foodge. He’s at her all of the time. Like a boy of fifteen. Early morning, mid-morning, lunchtime, afternoon delight….that’s just a warm-up for the evening!”

“I always thought that our dear Private Dick was pretty backward in the use of the wedding flute. Especially after Granny gave him those anabolic steroids that turned out to be oestrogen.” Big M noticed that the bar had become relatively quiet and quite attentive, relatively.

Granny had appeared at he bottom of the stairs. “What mischief are you causin’?” As she pointed a bony finger at M.

“Ah, oo, um, er. No mischief. Um….this new Pale Ale is good, I mean really good….ah, great.” Big M stared into the bottom of his glass and started to tremble. He couldn’t help himself as he started to laugh uncontrollably. “Pftt…..Foodge….a demon in the sack!”

Soon everybody, including Merv was laughing.

“All right you lot…SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Granny was livid. “How dare you laugh at one of the finest Private Dicks in the country?”

The mere mention of ‘Private Dick’ fed the laughter like trying to put out a fire with petrol. Even the Bowling Ladies were tittering from the Ladies bar.

Granny turned on her heel and marched straight back up the Errol Flynn Memorial Staircase. 

“Oh fuck, now we’ve done it!” Muttered Merv. Fuck, what will we do now?”

“The best thing we could do is try to work out what’s going on.” Came a quiet voice from the end of the bar. Manne had crept in with a big basket of eggs, having recently taken over the care of Granny’s chooks because she was too busy. “I mean, Foodge might have some hormonal problem.”

“Yes, yes, of course!” Big M picked up on it straight away. “Yes, too much testosterone, or some other androgen. Did Foodge go to an endocrinologist after the oestrogen overdose?”

“Yeah, but he said there was nothing to be done, ‘cept for a powerful placebo.” Mumbled Merv as he wiped over the taps with a dirty rag.”

“Have you ever seen Granny wait? She’s hardly very patient” M mused over a forth pint. “Would she buy steroids?”

“Nah, not after the oestrogen business.” Merv pulled a tray of steaming glasses from the washer, setting them on the bar to cool.

“Has he been to another doctor?” Big M was scratching his head, struggling to finish the episode. 

“No, he hates the doctor.” Reckons they’re charlatans, unlike the legal profession.” Merv winked.

“No one else has become horny?”

“Well I can’t speak for anyone else, but there haven’t been many opportunities.” Merv blushed.

Manne shook his head. “Not since Granny caught me with nudies on me phone.”

“We need more help. Where’s Emmjay?”

“Queensland.” Merv was placing the glasses into the bottom of the refrigerator.

“Algy?”

“Thailand.”

“Mark?”

“Summer Bay.”

“The Oosterfolk”

“Costco, no at home.”

“Viv?”

“At ‘ome with ‘er recuperatin’ ‘usband.” Merv grunted as he realised that the IPA keg was empty.

“The rest?”

“Well they’re dispersed across the country as per usual.” Merv was trying to get Manne to pick up on some non-verbal cue about the empty keg. Manne was busily trying to balance an egg on its apex.

“Fuck, we’re on our own?” M slumped over the bar.

“Couldn’t you just measure Foodge’s testicle level?” Manne had given up on his egg-balancing act.

“Of course, great idea. How would we do it? Total urinary steroids. No, too much pissing about. We probably need some blood. How would we get, say, ten mls of blood from Foodge?”

“I could punch him in the nose, then save all of the tissues.” Manne said in earnest.

“I think we need something subtle.” Big M mused. “More subtle than a punch in the nose.”

“You remember Foodge thought he was about to be knighted last Liz’s Birthdee?” Merv’s brow was crumpled in concentration.

“Yep, but what’s that got to do with the price of mullet?” Big M was getting exasperated.

“Well, we tell him that we was doin’ ‘is family tree, and the Royal Family want a blood sample because they think he is a distant member of the royal family, like Liz’s third cousin, four times removed, or summit!” Merv’s brow finally relaxed.

“Yes, yes. I’ll get some needles, syringes, blood tubes, et cetera and away we go!” Big M seemed to sober up at the thought.

To be continued…….

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