Staple your entry to a $20 note – best of luck with the Spot Scott Morrison Competition (Photo by Graham Denholm/Getty Images borrowed with thanks)
An intimate interview with the PM – by Emmjay
Sco Go the Sharkies.
Emm: Yes, good, thank you Mr Morrison.
Sco: They were great weren’t they !
Emm: If you say so, Mr Morrison.
Sco: And I do say so, mate.
Emm: Mr Morrison, what’s your reaction to the Victorian election result ?
Sco: Call me Scomo. Go the Sharkies.
Emm: Mr Morrison, the Victorian election ?
Sco: We was robbed. Did you catch that ref ? I mean his seeing eye dog should do the one-way trip to the vet.
Emm: The Victorian election ?
Sco: Sorry, you were saying ?
Emm: Mr Morrison, I was asking you for your take home message on your reaction to the Victorian election result.
Sco: There was loose talk that we didn’t have a prayer – but I did one for them and I cried a bit.
Emm: … and ?
Sco: Well, well, nothing happened.
Emm: So, divine intervention was a fizzer ?
Sco: What church do you go to, son ?
Emm: I play third ukulele at St Generic’s Brand.
Sco: Well, son, I think it was probably your fault. Ya have to play in key and in time.
Emm: Sorry, I’ll try harder in the next election. Who’s having that again ?
Sco: Somebody told me that. No, wait… I think there’s some snags ordered for the Happy Clappers of Shark Park.
Emm: Close, Mr Morrison. It’s the NSW election in March next year.
Sco: How’s our form there ?
Emm: I believe that the verdict is still with the TV ref.
Sco: Will there be Sharkies contesting ? Go the Sharkies !
Emm: Indeed, Mr Morrison.
Sco – checking his mobile phone “It will be fought on local issues”
Emm: Like Wentworth ?
Sco: Australia’s best Prime Minister ? William Charles Wentworth. I used to call him Bill. My mate Bill.
Emm: He died even before your little dust up with NZ Tourism.
Sco: I was robbed. Those ALL Blacks have no understanding of the offside rule.
Emm: They say the Nez Wealand taxpayers was robbed.
Sco: It wasn’t my fault that “Put a shrimp in the hungi” flopped. I mean, what’s a hungi ? Some kind of pagan ritual? Of course, no God-fearing bloke is going to go there for some druid nonsense. Did I tell you that I turned back the boats ?
Emm: From New Zealand ?
Sco: From Shark Park.
Emm: No you didn’t.
Sco: Yeah, I did. Coz I’m fair dinkum.
Emm: Was Malcolm fair dinkum ?
Sco: Who did he barrack for ?
Emm: I have no idea. Does he barrack at all ?
Sco: There you have it. Not like David Steinbergstein.
Emm: The former candidate for Wentworth ?
Sco: Bill ?
Emm: No, the proposed candidate for Wentworth.
Sco: Sonja ? She was a snappy dresser.
Emm: Yes she was. Mr Morrison, what did the Coalition learn from the Victorian election ?
Sco: Did you realise you just typed “coal” ? I love coal, it’s all black and shiny like my BMW.
Emm: Well the voters of Wentworth didn’t seem too fond of your coal policy.
Sco: Ha ha you just typed coal again ! Twice.
Emm: Was the coalition’s lack of an energy policy or a climate change policy something to do with the Victorian election – I believe the Murdoch press called it a Coalition rout.
Sco: How dare you suggest that the Victorian coalition is routed ! OK, the Sharkies didn’t run, but I prayed for them and I had a little cry too. So, did my minister Pasta Farian.
Emm: Or did it have something to do with the bogus war on South Sudanese youth in Melbourne.
Sco: I have been accused of racism, you know ?
Emm: You don’t say !
Sco: Yeah, although I’m a fair dinkum bloke, I will not abide by street violence. Nobody. Not even people the colour of coal are above John Laws.
Emm: Are you saying that you ARE racist on the black gangs street violence issue ?
Sco: Those dickheads who point to the 40% decline in youth violence in Victoria in the last four years are turning a blind eye. I reckon it’s because South Sudanese youth are hard to see at night.
Emm: So, what was the cause of the Coalition rout in the Victorian election or in the seat of Wentworth – a seat it is alleged that has only ever been in Liberal hands.
Sco: It was a state issue.
Emm: Wentworth is a Federal seat.
Sco: I know that. It’s held by my mate Billy Wentworth.
Emm: Billy’s been extinct for decades and so is his love child Billy McMahon – perpetually voted as Australia’s worst Prime Minister – until he was unseated by Tony Abbott.
Sco: But the Sharkies are great ! Go Sharkies !
Emm: Have you got any tourist tips ?
Sco: Put another shrimp on the barbie !
Emm: Thanks. That’ll be a few million dollars please.
Sco: Sure. The cheque is in the mail.
Emm: Mr Morrison, thanks for your time.
Sco: No worries, anything for a fair dinkum Aussie bloke. Go the Sharkies.
The Beatles White Album was released 50 years ago this month. It was arguably their most diverse album and a little bit of a piss take with some of the songs. I wonder if such an album would be produced by anyone today.
Some days I think the whole planet needs a stronger anti-depressant. We humans are doing a pretty shit job – not for the first time either.
Here’s my 2 cents worth. The fact that complete counts* run things and that dickwits like Trump voters – poor people and every female Trump voter clearly did so AGAINST THEIR OWN INTERESTS, shows the massive lie about so-called democracy.
The Greeks did a far better job. Not perfect but better than this shit excuse for government.
In Ancient Greece, not every hominid was allowed to vote. Slaves and women, for example – not fair by today’s standards, but considering the wisdom of universal suffrage is a lot better than just opting for universal suffering.
Nowadays, people who are so dumb as to vote against their own interests do not deserve a vote because they clearly are not fit to have a say in how they are governed.
People buy any old bullshit.
And what do we have here in Australia ? Someone yesterday in the Saturday paper called Morrison “Trump Lite”. And I gather that the happy clapping Christian Scomo – who just suddenly appeared from the bushes while everyone was watching Abbott, was apparently sacked from his previous position of CEO of Tourism Australia for incompetence and dodgy dealing. It takes real talent to fuck up a shrimp on the barbie campaign.
So the Libnats made him Treasurer and then Prime-Minister and we all sat around and let it happen. The “we” is of course inclusive of “Showbag” Bill Shorten. Don’t even mention Luke Foley. FFS !
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 