09 Wednesday Mar 2016
Posted in Algernon, Politics in the Pig's Arms
Trump for President
A discovery by Algernon
I thought this a nice complement to Nev Cole’s excellent series on the US primaries. Its about 20 minutes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGc2nN9OguQ
02 Wednesday Mar 2016
Posted in Neville Cole, Politics in the Pig's Arms
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From Our Emeritus North American Correspondent, Neville Cole
What a SUPER Tuesday we have in store today! There’s no time to waste so let’s leap head first in the muck!
The Republican Presidential Pissing Contest is getting down and really dirty this week with so many delegates up for grabs.
Little Marco Rubio finally put two and two together (and got five, by the way). He came out with a bang this week by dropping the 2016 campaign’s very first dick joke (though I can guarantee you it won’t be the last).
After, suggesting that Drumpf-a-sore-ass wet himself during the last debate/wrestlemania show he wrapped up his (ah-hem) comments by asking the crowd if they’d ever seen how small The Donald’s hands were. “You know what they say” Little Marco chirped, “Small hands, small… “ Whatever he said after that was lost (under a tsunami of laughs, cheers and what can only be described as violent goat orgasms). The Rubio crowd loves it when Little Marco goes potty.
Have you watched the people behind these Republican’s candidates? I can’t take my eyes off them. Mouths perpetually agape with joy. Sides bent double with laughter. Old men chest bumping each other after each insult. The crowd at the Apollo has never been this animated. The Romans watching the gladiators at the Coliseum were more sedate. What do they feed these people before the show? Deep-fried sugared crack snax?
Jesus Cruz has faded from view this week somewhat thanks to Little Marco’s Drumpf Roast Roadshow; but his (human) dad come out on radio to confirm that his son is here to “share the love of Jesus Christ with every person of every race, color and creed for the love of Christ and the love of this country.” So… there’s that.
Gentle Ben Carson is still around but no one, least of all him, knows why. He did however pledge this week that if elected he will end the non-existent ban against Christianity in America’s public schools. We don’t even know what planet this guy is from anymore. Please Gentle Ben, go back to hibernation…you seem like you could really use a nap.
Meanwhile Drumpf-a-sore-ass blasted a few big ones this week. None bigger than when he literally rolled out super-heavyweight endorser, Chris “Moby Dick” Christie. By some miracle the stage was able to hold the egos of both long enough for M. Dick to blurt: “Sure, I hate this son-of-a-bitch. Don’t we all? But, if America is going to vote for this golden-tuffed lunatic, then Chris Christie is going to be the first big fish who jumps in the boat with him!” The Donald then slapped his behemoth buddy on the back and responded: We’re gonna need a bigger boat!”
The Donald solidified the racist vote this week when he picked up the endorsement of former grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, David Duke. With three Southern States on the line Tuesday, Drumpf-a-sore-ass was careful to dodge questions about Duke on CNN this week. Deciding clearly that misdirection was the better part of valor Trumpy played dumb and disinterested muttering random words such as: “Who? What? I don’t know this David Duke you speak of? KKK? What is this KKK? I’m going to have to look into that. White Supremacy? I don’t understand the words that are coming out of your mouth.” Eventually, the CNN interviewer poured gasoline over his head and set himself on fire to get out of having to ask any more questions.
Over on the Democratic side…
Well, folks… I hate to break it to you but for all Uncle Bern’s big talk this race could be all over but the red-faced shouting by Wednesday. If Uncle Bern can’t hold Vermont, Colorado, Minnesota, and put up a really good showing in Massachusetts… his dream of a socialist utopia from Des Moines to Del Mar, from Butte, Montana to Duck Hill, Mississippi, well, his campaign will be as dead as Marley’s doorknob.
Bernie’s putting on a brave face though I’ve noticed his step has lost a lot of its pep. He keeps pointing to New York (April 19) and California (June 7) as the touchstone. Sure, if this election were being voted on by the Academy, Uncle Bern would be a shoe in; but if the silver-crested Bernie can actually hang around till June 7th then I for one may become this modern day Don Quixote’s Sancho Panza. Hate to say it Bernie fans but I think it’s over.
My SUPER TUESDAY PICKS
Republican Pissing Contest: Jesus Cruz just wins Texas, Drumpf-a-sore-ass wins…EVERYWHERE ELSE! Little Marco celebrates string of strong second places.
Democratic (soon to be) One-Horse Race: Uncle Bern wins Vermont, squeaks by in Colorado, Minnesota, and Oklahoma, loses Massachusetts by more than hoped, and is soundly beaten everywhere else. Both candidates see these results as “a good sign”
Good luck to all…just a few hours to go. Time to start drinking heavily.
09 Tuesday Feb 2016
Posted in Neville Cole, Politics in the Pig's Arms
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From our North American Correspondent, Neville Cole
Ted.1 (The Begats)
[1] Verily, thus reads the book of the generation of Ted Cruz, the son of Jesus Christ himself.
[2] Jesus begat (by holy virgin birth) Teddy; and Teddy begat Englebert; and Engelbert begat Elvis; and Elvis begat Sonny;
[3] And Sonny begat Fidel and his brethren, about the time they were carried away to Cuba:
[4] And after they were brought to Cuba, Fidel begat Ramon; and Ramon begat Pedro;
[5] And Pedro begat Xavier; and Xavier begat another Jesus; and here’s where it gets tricky because Jesus begat Jesus Jr.;
[6] And Jesus Jr. begat Jesus III; and thankfully Jesus III begat Diego; and Diego thought about starting up the whole Jesus thing again but ended up begatting Rafael who became the husband of Eleanor, of whom was born Ted, who is called Cruz.
[7] So all the generations from Jesus to Ted are fourteen generations (give or take a Jesus or two).
[8] Now the birth of Ted Cruz was on this wise: When as his mother Eleanor was espoused to Rafael, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost.
[9] Then Rafael her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to get the hell out of Cuba.
[10] But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Rafael, thou son of Diego, fear not to take unto thee Eleanor thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.
[11] And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name TED: for he shall save his people from their sins.
[12] Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying,
[13] Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Rafael Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.
[14] Then Rafael Bienvenido being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife:
[15] And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name TED.
10 Thursday Dec 2015
Posted in Politics in the Pig's Arms
22 Thursday Oct 2015
Posted in Emmjay, Politics in the Pig's Arms
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Late Barking Report from the Pig’s Arms Political Analist, Roger Manne
As if it was not enough to be sent to the back of the room and made to sit in the naughty corner, and then to be sent home for sloppy work, Joe Hockey has been recalled to school by the former Minister for Education to complete homework that has been outstanding since 2014.
The former Minister for Education, Christopher O’Clean said today that he had been informed that Joe has not submitted his 2014 Budget and will be required to stay in until it’s done to the Minister’s satisfaction.
The now Minister for “something else – I forget what” has indicated that he may have to call on the services of the Party Whip and make enough room to swing a fat cat.
21 Wednesday Oct 2015
Posted in Emmjay, Politics in the Pig's Arms
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Junk Mail from LinkedIn
So when I wandered over to LinkedIn to check on events in mates and friends land, this little personalised message appeared from the good – and I use that term very loosely – people at Raytheon.
Very apt and well-targeted (excuse the pun) marketing. I’ll rush right out and pony up a few million for one of these protective rockets.
Dickheads.
29 Tuesday Sep 2015
Posted in Politics in the Pig's Arms
Borrowed from the wonderful Shovel
Australia will send a mission to Mars as soon as possible to check for irregular maritime vessels, following a report from NASA that there may be flowing water on the planet.
Announcing the program, Immigration Minister Peter Dutton said it was important to send a clear message to would-be boat people. “Where there’s water there’s boats. And where there’s boats there’s votes. Or should I say, where there’s boats there’s a high chance of illegal people-smuggling activities and drownings. We need to stop this before it starts,” he said.
Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull echoed Mr Dutton’s concerns. “Look, the last thing we want to see is people drowning on Mars. We have to, we must, stop people getting on boats in Mars,” he said. The PM said the Government’s strong policies had meant there had been no deaths at sea to date on Mars.
Mr Dutton said he hoped to have a Border Force team on Mars within 12 months. “What we are telling people is that if you get on a boat in Mars you won’t be settled in Australia”.
Labor says it will support the $200 billion expedition.
For breaking stories, follow The Shovel on Facebook & Twitter or sign up for email updates at www.theshovel.com.au.
21 Tuesday Jul 2015
Posted in Neville Cole, Politics in the Pig's Arms
T-Rump apprehends another drug-dealer/rapist/terrorist on the Mexican border
By Pig’s Arms North American Correspondent, Neville Cole
During his recent visit to Arizona – in which T-Rump miraculously managed to jam an audience of 15,000 rabid supporters into an auditorium with a seating capacity of 4,000 – the self-proclaimed greatest presidential candidate God ever created paid a quick visit to the Mexican border to round up some dangerous criminals, strike fear into the hearts of the Mexican government, and paint of vivid picture of T-Rump Immigration Policy.
T-Rump sat down with me briefly to discuss his vision before running off into the sunset to “kick some more Mexican ass before the day was done.”
Pig’ s Arms: Thank you Mr. T-Rump for taking time to speak with us today.
T-RUMP: Call me Don! Or The Donald. Or Mr. President. Look! First and foremost let me say one very important thing. First I want to say that this has truly been a pleasure and an honor to be here today rounding up several hundred rapists and drug dealers that the government down in Mexico keeps trying to send up here to take over our great republic. If I could, and God’s knows how great I would be at it, if I could… I would spend from now until my inauguration patrolling this border from sea to shining sea with the possible exception of spending election night celebrating my victory at T-RUMP Resort and Casino in Atlantic City.
Pig’ s Arms: So, even after you are elected you would come back to patrol the border until the inauguration?
T-RUMP: Yes. See here’s the problem as it has been explained to me. The election don’t mean nothing right away. There’s supposedly this time after the election where everyone has to wait around for the paperwork to dry, or something. Which is one thing I am going to look at very carefully. I think the American people who will vote for me in historical numbers are going to want me to get to work right away. I don’t know why in this day and age we can’t have the vote and sign the paperwork that same day. I got the best paperwork people in the business. I do a deal with China we got the paperwork on the table ready to sign before they even know they want the deal.
Pig’ s Arms: Okay. Let’s jump to the day that… all the paperwork is done and President T-RUMP is in charge. What changes can people down here expect to see right away?
T-RUMP: Apart from streams of drug dealers, rapists and terrorists racing back across this border to get back to Mexico, you mean? I’m kidding, of course. That is going to happen as soon as I win the election. Once I am in truly in charge the real fun begins… I don’t want to let too much out of the bag just yet; but let me just say once people see my plans they are going to have to seriously look at changing the name of the so-called Great Wall of China ’cause that thing is going to look like a garden fence compared to the Greatest Wall of T-RUMP.
Pig’ s Arms: So it is true? You do plan to build an actual wall between the US and Mexico?
T-RUMP: I don’t know if “wall” is a good enough word for this thing I have planned. I got the idea watching Game of Thrones. You see, right now, the Mexicans are pretty much wildlings; but believe me, there are White Walkers right behind them. Well, not White Walkers exactly… more like Brown Walkers. Anyways, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:
I will build the best wall, the biggest, the strongest, not penetrable, they won’t be crawling over it, like giving it a little jump and they’re over the wall, it costs us trillions.*
Pig’ s Arms: Speaking of cost, do you still intend to make the Mexico pay for the wall?
T-RUMP: This is what politicians and laymen and pretty much all chicks don’t get. They don’t get how business works. Let me explain it to you:
Any savvy real estate mogul will tell you, is how it works. You build a big expensive thing and then hand someone the tab and they have to pay it. It’s the law.**
But, I’m not stopping with a Mexican wall. ‘Cause you know and I know that once we stop them coming in from down south they will find their way up north and start streaming in from Canada, so we are building a Canada wall too! This will be a bigger tourist attraction up there than Niagara Falls and Mount Rushmore put together. And then, let me remind you that many of them drug dealers and rapists and terrorists have boats too. So, The Greatest Wall of T-RUMP will extend into both oceans and the Gulf of Mexico as well. And here’s the great thing about that! We are going to build the wall on the American side of the oil rigs, so when they break none of that mess reaches US shores! No more oil spills! And not only that! Listen to this! Know what else we won’t have problems with once I build this wall in the oceans? Sharks! Why The Greatest Wall of T-RUMP will even stop hurricanes and typhoons! This country is going to be the greatest paradise God ever created… with a little help from yours truly, of course.
Pig’ s Arms: Wow, Mr. T-Rump, er… Don, I mean The Donald. Oh hell! Mr. President that just sound awesome in every way!
T-RUMP: I know it does. Let me just say this: this thing is just the thing that will make America great again. I want all your readers to know one final thing: I can’t wait to get started. Now, if you’ll excuse me I got some more criminals to catch.
And with that… the once and future President was off and running and Making America Great Again.
* really real quote ** another really real quote
07 Sunday Jun 2015
Posted in George Theodorides, Politics in the Pig's Arms
Greek protesters, one waving a national flag, gather in Athens, Wednesday, June 15, 2011. Hundreds of protesters clashed with riot police in central Athens Wednesday as a major anti-austerity rally degenerated into violence outside Parliament, where the struggling government was to seek support for new cutbacks to avoid a disastrous default. (AP Photo/Kostas Tsironis)
Story by Atomou
The Greek Crisis put very, very simply.
Because, in fact and in effect, it is very simple!
Imagine this scenario: Great grand parents were told by a banker that they should avail themselves of the bank’s offer of very, very cheap and very, very simple loans. Your grand parents agreed and they borrowed some money. One might, if one is cynical enough, add also that the banker has advised them to borrow more, rather than less. I remember reading the words of the wise capitalist Onassis who in his wisdom about capitalist ways, said, “borrow much, rather than less so you can complete the project you borrowed the money for,” or words very similar to these.
So your grandparents borrowed the money in what looked like benign conditions and manageable interest rates. However, something happened -and a lot can between borrower and lender- and the bankers change the conditions and, more direly, the interest rate, which they raise to such a level that the borrower simply cannot pay the instalments.
(People of my age will remember the bankers’ brutal glee during Keating’s reign of “the recession that Australia had to have” as they raised interest rates to levels that no one had ever before imagined. Bankers love doing such things.)
So the thief, sorry, I meant to say the banker, says to your grandparents, “not to worry, we’ll just keep lending you money to make those payments. We will increase slightly the interest rate but that’s only fair and, in any case, the new loan will help you survive until things turn good for you and you can make the payments.”
The can was thus kicked along the path of time until you came along and things simply didn’t turn good. In fact, they have turned aggressively bad. The interest rate has increased even more, the economy has left you unemployed and with barely enough income to put bread on the table. You have no hope of ever making the next payment. The instalment is greater than your income (GDP, if we’re talking national).
But the bank insists that, once again, you must borrow more money to help you make the next payment. In fact they have lodged themselves into your house and began examining your every move, telling you to sell everything you possess at give-away prices. They have their eye on your precious possession and they want them for themselves and for their mates. They want everything you own and they want you to work for them, the bankers and their criminal associates and STILL keep making those payments!
As an individual little pawn in a capitalist market you have no way out of this. They take everything, including your second pair of undies and you are left to wander the streets, hungry, barefoot and with severely soiled undies. Yes, you can work for these crims but at slave conditions and for wages set by the Gina Rineharts and the Christine Lagardes of this world.
However, as a sovereign State, and one that has been locked up into contracts and agreements that were nothing short of criminal, such as trade agreements that locked you out the market place and further out still of negotiating prices for the traded goods, and thus, out of earning any income at all, or like having to work with a currency over which you have no control at all and which is controlled by the bankers in the club, you can do a number of things.
You can negotiate, relying on a fairly strong logical argument.; an argument which will say, “make the trade agreements fairer, make the interest rates fairer, lend us no more -you have loaded us up with too great a debt already- buy some of this debt yourselves, since that’s what you did with the American banks (bought their foul and worthless derivatives, i.e., bad debts) – or we’ll get out of your sinister little clique of thieving bankers and we’ll go our own sovereign way as an economy and, more importantly, as a society, wearing its own clothes and carrying its own dignity, our own pride and integrity. We will sell you nothing more from our treasures! We will buy and sell our products free from your crooked constraints and prohibitions. We will no longer allow your troika bureaucrats to sleep in our beds and tell us which side of the pillow we should sleep on. And we will certainly not let you touch our undies!”
And Greece is at this very point of the negotiations now.
The bankers are screaming “not fair” and the mongrels of the opposition, who feel, as do all fascist Tories, including our own in Australia, that they were born and chosen by god to rule and have never in the History of Greece been in a real opposition, (since they were always a duopoly), are screaming even louder, two- and three word slogans, no more sophisticated than those spat out of our own leader’s mouth. “Pay the debt, pay the debt,” they shout and bark like barnyard dogs.
I have staged a most unabashedly simple scenario.
Others who wish, may add the complexities and the more nuanced complexions of this moral dilemma as they see them. In the end however, it is a scenario about criminals, going back a long way… to the days when Germany herself borrowed an enormous amount of money from Greece and, at the same time, devastated the country. She has neither paid that loan back nor made any reparations for that destruction.
05 Friday Jun 2015
Posted in Politics in the Pig's Arms, Scott Probst
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Scott Probst asks the timely question … Is there any such thing as ‘radicalisation” ?
These days in Australia we hear a lot about ‘radicalisation.’ This is supposedly a process where bad people, mostly outsiders on the internet from the Middle East, get into the ears of innocent young locals and turn them into bloodthirsty marauders who want to go into the streets of Australia, or the war in Syria, and murder others.
This does not seem to be a realistic description of what happens, for a few reasons.
First, the only way that these online extremists can come into contact with the young person via the internet is for the young person to search for them, or open a link they have been sent by someone else. The extremist cannot just broadcast into their phone or computer without any warning.
Second, the young person, for some reason or more than one reason, must be receptive to what they see and hear. Why would this be so? There are a number of obvious possibilities:
Some of these issues have great relevance to young people. For example, a substantial percentage of young people suffer some form of significant mental health challenge at some point in their lives. Some estimates of this range to above 30%. Mental health services for young people are well documented to be insufficient, particularly in socially disadvantaged areas. Drug experimentation is common amongst young people, often leading to social and educational problems. The punitive/law and order response to this, rather than health-based response, leads to under reporting and surreptitious use, preventing this issue from being properly addressed.
Poor education also must be a risk factor amongst youth; education is chronically underfunded in Australia and recent political issues mean that this will get much worse in the future rather than better.
Migrant communities are commonly poorly connected to the rest of our culture. Recent political responses to multiculturalism, refugee issues and terrorism threats have only reinforced this isolation and made a number of ethnic communities feel mistrusted and this further alienates them.
All these conditions predispose the young people to listen to simplistic messages that tell them how to give meaning to their lives or right injustice, or take revenge on the people who have caused their problems. Added to this is the apparent romance of fighting for a cause and being part of a brotherhood – aspects which are only emphasised in recent celebrations of ANZAC day in Australia and repetitive message about the ‘glory of mateship in war’ and similar ideals.
Don’t forget, Australia itself has a long tradition of young men going to fight in foreign wars, from the Sudan in the late 1800s, to the Maori War in New Zealand, the Boer War, WWI and so on.
Combined together, all these factors are a heady mix of ‘pull factors’ for young, somehow disaffected or romantically inclined men who want to prove themselves, to go to a war in a far part of the world to fight for a cause, no matter how misrepresented or manipulative.
Rather than make more noise about radicalisation, we should pay more attention to the ways our young people are driven to make this leap.
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 