Tag Archives: Peta Credlin

Craig Emerson to Challenge for PM

09 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by in Emmjay, Politics in the Pig's Arms

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Story by Emmjay

In even later breaking news than the last time the Pig’s Arms broke wind news, We can reveal now that Craig Emerson, the Member for Skyhooks will throw his hat into the ring for the position of Australian Prime Minister.

I can bust all the moves a great national leader and a towering presence on the world stage should be able to bust, and I can rock with the best of them.

Unaware that Craig was not actually a member of the Libnats, and in fact was an ALP member, Libnat stalwart Peta Incrediblin was quoted as saying that “I can work with this man – he’s got a million dollar riff!”.

Mr Emerson was available for comment, but nobody could be bothered to ask him for one. If they had asked him, he was going to point out how good he looks in front of the Australian flag and remind people that he was woman friendly – unlike other PMs known for their miso generosity. In his press release he had cool stuff like “Break it down, chillen” and “Rock my cabinet, straight to the bar”.

Australia Finds Shelter on the Leigh Side

15 Monday Dec 2014

Posted by in Emmjay, Politics in the Pig's Arms

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leigh and Tony

Story by Emmjay

In late barking news today, the Pig’s Arms cub reporter Manne O’Manne reports this report:

Australia has a new PM !

After months of speculation and rumours, Tony Abbott finally admitted that he and Country Joe and the Fish had no effing clue about how to run the country.

Abbott is reported to have said ” I give up Leigh.  You talk to lots of people.  You’re a pretty smart chicky babe.  What should we do to run this country ?”

Quick as a whip, Leigh hit him with another penetrating question ” Have you ever swum at Portsea , Tone ?”

“No”, replied Tone.

“How about I mind the shop while you iron man a couple of laps ?”

“Can Jumping’ Joe come too ?”, said Tone.

“Sure”, said Leigh. “Tell him to watch out for Japanese harpoons”.

“OK, deal !” said Tone, pulled on his goggles and snorkel and headed off for his big salty adventure.

“Right”, said Leigh. “Get me Credlin.  Credlin ? Yes. Yes. No. What part of ‘fuck right off’ don’t you understand ?”

“Now get me Matthias Kormann.  Matty, boy ? No, it’s about the ABC.  That’s right, I said TRIPLE the ABC budget, and while you’re at it, send ten bucks to the CSIRO – we need more of that sciency stuff”.

“Uhlmann ?  No, I definitely think we need to strengthen the ABC office in Baghdad.  Of course ! You the man, Uhlmann.  Why wait until tomorrow ?  Right.  Right.  Bye “

aside to camera:  “Piece of cake.”