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Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle

~ The Home Pub of the Famous Pink Drinks and Trotter's Ale

Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle

Author Archives: Therese Trouserzoff

The Saints

29 Tuesday Mar 2011

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Gregor Stronach

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

humour, Saints

by Gregor Stronach

Like all dutiful and doting boyfriends, I got hosed on February 14th. Why? Because someone, somewhere decided that the feast day for the Patron Saint of Lovers, St Valentine, should turn from a celebration of love into a veritable orgy of spending. 

What would St Valentine have thought about this rampant, crass commercialism? He would have spewed – violently and often, is my guess. Here’s a man who was made a saint because of his ability to endure being beaten with a club and then beheaded by the Romans for his beliefs. Today we honour him by handing out chocolates, greeting cards and overpriced floral arrangements.

It got me thinking about the idea of Saints – and, as I am wont to do, I went looking to see what I could find out. What surfaced startled me – there are millions of the bastards. There’s the big saints we all know about, like St Peter, St Michael, St John and, of course, St Patrick. But there is an enormous database of little-known saints that I’m guessing the bulk of humanity has never even heard of.

We’re getting pretty close to having a Saint from our lifetime too – Mother Theresa will soon be canonised by the Catholic Church. They’re just trying to find another miracle she performed, and she’ll be part of the ‘in-crowd’. I’ll save the Catholic church some time and effort right here, if they want. I think it’s a miracle the sanctimonious old tart didn’t get sprung accepting blood money from third-rate dictators of tinpot little nations like Haiti. Had the rest of the world known about her shady dealings trying to wash clean the souls of murderers and thieves, she’d be about as popular as Nixon.

But I digress.

The best of the Saints are to be found in the Patron Saints list. Nearly every calamity and malady known to humankind has a saint to look after it. What a job for the afterlife! To be made a saint, a person would have had to spend an awful lot of their life being pious and rigid, and then perform a couple of miracles (which aren’t nearly as easy as Jesus made them look). So, for all their hard work in this world, the poor buggers get to spend eternity pondering the fate of us mere mortals as we complain about broken limbs, gassiness and the fact that we can’t find our car keys on Monday mornings.

Some of their appointments make sense, in a cutesy, folksy sort of way; St Joseph, for instance, who famously trudged around Bethlehem trying to find a room during peak tourist season for his wife to give birth in, looks after house hunting. But others make little or no sense at all.

Take St Joseph of Cupertino. He died in 1663, and is currently the patron saint of astronauts. How in god’s name is he supposed to know what he’s doing? It’s little wonder Columbia went bang… the patron saint in charge clearly has no idea what an astronaut is, let alone how to protect them.

The Patron Saint for Fear of the Lord is the Holy Ghost – which is kind of like handling a funnel-web to cure your fear of spiders. Sure… I’ll take advice on my fear of God from an entity, which, if my rudimentary understanding of the Bible is correct, is really God when he’s not feeling particularly substantial.

St Eloi looks after Numismatists (look it up – I had to). St Fiacre looks after haemorrhoids, while St Bibiana takes care of the hangovers. They’ve got John the Baptist looking after highways, freeways and spas. (Seriously – John the Baptist looks after all the hot tubs on the planet.) St John Nepomucene looks after discretion – which is apt, because I’ve never heard of him before. St George, who once famously killed a dragon, now gets to look after syphilis.

It’s lunacy. There’s a saint for everything these days, and there’s more on the way. Even countries and cities and states have patron saints. New York, New Zealand and Australia are all looked after by Our Lady Help of Christians. One can only assume that she was on the Gold Coast working on her tan when the whole 9/11 thing went down.

It’s easy to tell when the church is really, really worried about something as well. They’ll assign multiple saints to look after it. Sexual temptation is guarded by no less then eight saints and, tellingly, victims of abuse get ten saints – guilty conscience, anyone?

But back to St Valentine, and the day in his honour. I admit that I eventually caved and bought my girlfriend the lot – flowers, chocolates and a card. However, I did so not for fear of ending up under the guidance of Saints Aldegundis, Andrew Avellino, Barbara and Christopher – the patron saints of sudden death – but because I love her a lot.

First published by Rum & Monkey yonks ago.

The Saints from 1976…..


Catch the Bird, Catch the Bird

24 Thursday Mar 2011

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Lehan Winifred Ramsay

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

Painting

Catch the Bird, Catch the Bird

Story and Painting by Lehan Winifred Ramsay

Things break down. They break down badly. And whether it’s a small problem or a huge one, that breakdown devastates basic functions. Every small thing becomes impossible. Not just impossible, but each separate function clumps together with all the other functions forming a large unmoveable obstacle.

At first things are a dark hole. When it’s possible to think, the thought is: help me!
Help me help me help me.  And you wait for that, you wait for something outside of yourself to come and put things right. And it doesn’t happen. Anger, frustration, despair. That’s disaster.  And then something else clicks in. A straining to recover.

A tiny bird, a tiny hope. Almost impossible to view with the naked eye. The bird ruffles its feathers and catches your eye. It moves, it darts from one place to another. That’s hope. Catch the bird. Catch the bird.

Pig’s Psalm 14 – Unto the Pub A Children are Born

24 Thursday Mar 2011

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay, Pig Psalms

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

humour, Pigs Arms

Simulated picture of Merv, Janet and the twins Viv and Ian

For it came to pass

In the town of Cyberia that to a publican

A child was born.

To be precise two children

Came into the house of Merv and Janet.

Two wise men from the east followed the GPS

Lately installed in their Zephyr car

And brought with them the gifts of

A yeasty extract and an elusive substance of pink.

And they said unto Merv

Be not afraid for these unto you shall bring

Considerable beverage.

And Merv and Janet looked unto the wise men

And they knew that it was good.

And from the car park came a host of Angles

Obtuse, in general, but some acute

But not as acute as the babies.

And looking down upon the babies and their

Generously endowed Mother, they said unto the

Hostelery  gathering

“Coor, these little buggers aren’t  going to go Hungy.

And a general glee swept o’er the host and

The taps were opened and the beverage was bountiful.

And to the gathering sayeth Merv and Janet as one Voice

Behold into the House of the Arms of the Pig

We welcome the twins, Viv and Ian.

And the attending Angles and the good DRMICK and a host of nurses

Gave thanks and broke wedges

After that they broke wind

And laughed and laughed and laughed.

Praise be to the host of the Pub and the Patrons de Porc.

Arriba, Arriba

18 Friday Mar 2011

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Entertainment Upstairs, Warrigal Mirriyuula

≈ 33 Comments

Tags

Afro Cuban AllStars, Alcione Depois, Astor Piazzolla & Band, Buena Vista Social Club, Clara Nunes, Jennifer Lopez, Joao Gilberto, Jorge Ben, Latin, Los Lobos, Los Roque Romanticas, Marc Anthony, Miami Sound Machine, Michelle Branch, music, Ritchie Valens, Ry Cooder, Santana, Sergio Mendez & Brasil 66, Stan Getz, The Buena Vista Social Club, The Champs, Viva Libre! Viva Musica!, Warrigal, West Side Story, youtube

Friday Musical Selection de Los Lobos Dingoensis Warrigalis Mirriyuula

Viva Libre! Viva Musica!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhFM81IcChk

Los Lobos La Bamba

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoHPHb4iDgo

Miami Sound Machine Conga

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnFfKbxIHD0

The Buena Vista Social Club Chan Chan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nB7eAJPBSk&feature=player_embedded

Los Roque No Me Enamoro

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mc-APBm5iM&feature=related

Romanticas Que Pasara Manana

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yoGTVzgow8&feature=related

Santana & Michelle Branch The Game Of Love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VroNb6I2wXc&feature=fvst

Astor Piazzolla & Band Libertango

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVae3vTROq4

Afro Cuban AllStars Amor Verdadera

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=So718wk426c

Stan Getz & Joao Gilberto Desifinado

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCM_VWzSiMo

Jorge Ben Mas Que Nada

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvsdOaI36cQ

Jennifer Lopez Como Ama Una Mujer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AszqfR6as8k

Ry Cooder Maria Elena

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g32mpjp1EmU

Clara Nunes O Mar Sereno

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gqwp7CB1mzk&feature=related

Alcione Depois Do Prazer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raRqgKqIM3M

Buena Vista Social Club Candela

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QS7wWzwak4

West Side Story Cast (Movie) America

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tG6P2rBU-ho&feature=related

The Champs Tequila

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ho5xFantzQ

Ritchie Valens Sleepwalk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPQSTDaZrN0

Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony No Me Ames

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6YxXOxrg28

Sergio Mendez & Brasil 66 The Look of Love

 

Keywords: Viva Libre! Viva Musica!, Los Lobos, Miami Sound Machine, The Buena Vista Social Club, Los Roque Romanticas, Santana, Michelle Branch,  Astor Piazzolla & Band, Afro Cuban AllStars, Stan Getz, Joao Gilberto, Jorge Ben, Jennifer Lopez, Ry Cooder, Clara Nunes, Alcione Depois, Buena Vista Social Club, West Side Story , The Champs, Ritchie Valens, Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony, Sergio Mendez & Brasil 66

Pig’s Psalm 13 – An Oirish Drink and a Happy Ending

17 Thursday Mar 2011

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay

≈ 28 Comments

Tags

humor, humour, Pig Psalm

How long might it be oh Merv

That we sit

And wait with patience for the creamy head of your Paddy O’Furniture Stout

To rise from it’s obsidian depths

And we see you adorn it with the shamrock or the lyre ?

We have much about which to be concerned, Oh Merv

But the world in a Pig’s Arms pint canoe admits no strife or trouble

The froth, the bubble

Emergeth double.

And manifest it is to us – we hear the pipes a callin’

From Glen to Greg and maybe also Clyde

The summer’s gone and all the levers for Len

Are broken off –

So score for me a ride.

Chorus

Oh, take my back

And scratch me lightly o’er.

And run those nails –

Barely touching my backside.

The beach grows dark,

And fills the sand with shadows.

It’s time for me

To shut up shop

And come inside.

The Man Who is Starting Something

14 Monday Mar 2011

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Lehan Winifred Ramsay

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Painting, rumination

The Man Who is Starting Something

 

Painting and Story by Lehan Winifred Ramsay

Rumination. It is a word that describes the act of “dwelling on the negative”. So the theory goes, there are many people who spend the large part of their days doing this, and so have a perpetually anxious state. It could even be called dwelling in the negative, because negative thoughts locate one’s entire world in these negative thoughts. The Rumination-sayers tell us that rumination is best allotted a time of thirty minutes of so, in which doom can run freely and unchecked.

The Man Who is Starting Something has come from another country. For one reason or another, in one way or another. Should you ask him about it, his thoughts will go there and stay there. Should he manage to wrest those thoughts away from there there is little sustenance for them in the new world. If beloved things are absent, they are absent. But this rumination is a bad habit, and so it must be fought. He must try to dwell on the positive. He is from another land, so the culture around him sits quietly and lightly, not fighting for his attention as his own would. He has few friends, few family, few ties to distract him. If he conquers his rumination he will find little satisfaction in anything but to be driven.

The Man Who is Starting Something will pick up the complete set of Roblocks and pack them neatly into his consciousness. No cries from the children will bother him if they are not written in the commands of his mechanical functions. If the blocks say eat he will eat, but eating will not become a pursuit of cultural connection. His creative functions will be entirely tied to the pursuit of something he wants to have or do. All else like a second language. In his head when he needs it, far away when he doesn’t. The Man Who is Starting Something is a migrant even if he is not, because he is sustained like all migrant-likes on an understanding of a life that is no longer there.

Swine Lake – the Prelude

12 Saturday Mar 2011

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay

≈ 22 Comments

Tags

Swine Lake

Manne Becomes More Cheerful

 

Manne's Tatyana

Greetings! I liked your profile. I’m just going to send you my pic.

I have many interests. I am cheerful, pleasant, cheerful and sincere girl.

I’m sure we can find common cheerful interests. I like sports, sea, beach.

I am from Rus, I am twenty seven years old.

I guess I’m the only girl who still believes in fairy tales and waits for the prince on a white horse.

I have my job and many friends.

But there is only loneliness in my heart is still with the lack of fine feeling.

I want to get acquainted with you to have a pen pal and to rely on the possible relationship in real life. I’ll have to believe and hope that you will write me back to my personal e-mail: kadyrochka@moscowmail.com I hope that my message remained noticed you and you appreciate my pictures. I only hope to become your friend. I’ll wait for your letter and pictures with great hope for further communication.

Take care of yourself sincrely Tatyana.

—ooo—

It had been a rollercoaster year for Manne.  With the death of the pub cockatoo, a failed e-romance and an unsuccessful stint as Neville Cole’s key grip, things needed to look up or Manne’s face would slide off the front of his head into a puddle on the bar.

Manne’s woes had not gone unnoticed. But he was not entirely alone.  Foodge, had (putting it politely) not been overwhelmed by work since the pre-Christmas infidelity rush – his traditional stocking-filler and he’d used his time since then in quiet contemplation in the front bar, breaking in the new fedora that ‘Shoe had found abandoned at the First Dog on the Moon book launch.  The lid gave Foodge an air of sleuthful indolence, although Merv observed that “slothful” indolence better characterised Foodge’s growing bar tab.

Something had to be done to break the impasse.

Foodge sidled up to the bar at a comfortably “not-too-intimate-but amiable” distance from Manne and ordered “a Pink for me, a pink for my man Manne here and have one for yourself” – gesturing vaguely towards Merv.

It was becoming a stretch of Merv’s tolerance and he was scouting around for some kind of mind-broadening and life changing experience for Manne.  Merv needed Manne to remove his little grey cloud of glum from the pub.  He was putting off the other patrons – nobody had heard or seen VoR for weeks.  Gregor had reportedly taken a job as a gag writer for Watchtower and mumbled something about Manne and dis-inspiration just before he dis-appeared.

The phone calls to Lord Bunter had not been returned and there was a shortage of thistles at Gez and Helvi’s new abode.

The last straw for Manne was the non-appearance of Tatyana – the last of a long string of Russian girls who had shown a considerable e-interest in Manne, or possibly in the cash Manne earnt from casual bar-useful work in the pub.  He had, at her behest, transferred the price of an Aeropflogge ticket into a Moscow bank account on the promise of her speedy trip to meet “the man of her dreams”.  It was probably on the strength of the photograph Manne had sent her – as Foodge noted “taken from Manne’s good side on a good day, running downhill with a tailwind”.  So it was with a particularly long face that Manne returned from the anticipated airport rendezvous alone with the new-found knowledge that there was no airline called “Aeropflogge”.

Merv served the two pinks and marked up another entry in Foodge’s conga line bar tab when the door of the front bar flew open and a gentleman of indeterminant (and possibly indifferent) height clad in an outfit that fairly shouted “I’m on Holidays”, stormed the pub.

His needs were immediately apparent.  He made them so.

“Ouzo !”

Merv extracted the cork from a bizarre-looking bottle in the shape of a still.  The label read ‘Pitsiladi’ which looked Greek to Merv.  He poured the new chum a shot – much to the delight of the visitor.  “AHA ! “ he said. “From the island of Lesvos. Some of my best friends are Lesvians”.

“Ouzo for all !  And a plate of olives.  And some dolmades.  And how’s the kitchen for souvlakia ?”  Merv looked doubtful.  “I reckon granny could whip up some wedges and tzatziki”.

“Excellent !  Praise be to Dionysis”.

“Another ouzo…… er ….” Said Merv.

“But of course !  My name is Atomou, but my friends call me ‘Mou’ for short”

“I was going to avoid calling attention to your height, ‘Mou” said Merv.

The bon-vivant index of the pub was rising steadily with the exception of a small grey cloud sitting next to Foodge at the bar.

“What’s with the long face young man” inquired ‘Mou.

“Arr this Russian shiela stood him up, mate” Foodge cut in – his usual helpful self.

“There’s only one thing for it” said ‘Mou.  “It’s time that you went on an Odyssey”.

“I’ve been in Emmjay’s Zephyr” responded Manne.

“No, I mean it’s time for you to travel far, conquer your fears, slay your wild beasts and make your rite of passage and become a hero amongst the patrons of the Pig’s Arms.”

Manne looked just like someone contemplating a sickie.

“Now listen, it is said that the Goddess Demeter was wont to go and swim amongst the pigs.  The legend has it that she was fond of surfing the point break at Wherethefarkarwee” near Swine Lake and that she was wooed and bedded there by Captain Goodvibes who had taken the form of the mythic surfing pig.  Goodvibes it is said was fatally attractive to women, possibly because he had a limitless supply of scoobs, cans of VB and a board in the shape of a hammerhead shark”.  No wait, it might have been a head in the shape of a bored hammer.  No wait, it might have actually BEEN a hammerhead shark”.

A flash went through Merv’s head.  It was an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.

“That’s it, our sage ‘Mou.  An odyssey.  We will send Manne and Foodge on an odyssey – to surf the point break at Wherethefarkarewee near the Swine Lake.

“There will be monsters”, said ‘Mou.

Merv reached under the bar and placed before Manne his trusty Purdey under and over shotgun.

Merv filled the shot glasses and broke open another Lesvian spirit.

“A toast to Manne’s Swine Lake Odyssey” !

“Yasas!” hooted ‘Mou.

Granny brought the wedges and as the pub regulars began to file in, the feast began…….

Fairbridge Boys

12 Saturday Mar 2011

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Warrigal Mirriyuula

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

child migration, Fairbridge Boys, Gateshead, Tyneside

Fremantle Harbour Entrance

 

By Warrigal Mirriyuula

Benjamin and Edward were brothers. They were the identical twin sons of Maeve O’Sullivan and Daniel Fitzpatrick.  This is their story.

The twins were an unexpected and somewhat difficult blessing that cold December morning when Maeve went into early labour in the tiny workers cottage where the family lived in Gateshead. At first, given their prematurity, the twins were not expected to live.

It was a mercifully brief labour. The midwife, looking upon them after she’d cleaned, swaddled and laid them, one on each side of Maeve, thought of the sadness that would come in train of this cold windy beginning with the slates on the roof rattling out their tattoo of stony cold welcome. These plucky little boys would be lucky to see the week out. She took Maeve’s limp exhausted hand in hers, put on her best, most brave smile and said, “Two strong sons to look after you and Danny. You’ve done so well for one so young and your first time too”.

Nodding vigourously to confirm the truth of this statement, she turned away and busied herself tidying up the room. She stoked the little fire in the iron grate and added another lump of coal. By the time she turned her attention back to Maeve the young mother was asleep and the baby boys, faces red and still showing the creases and folds of the newly arrived, fisted little hands and their eyes screwed shut, made the best they could of their first day on earth.

Maeve did washing for the posh, and a little needlework when she could get it. A native of Skibbereen, Maeve’s family had come to Newcastle in search of work for her da. He’d got a job at a nearby pit

Maeve met Danny on a works outing when she still had a job in the bottle washing plant at the Newcastle Breweries. She had been sixteen when they met. Danny, an orphan from Belfast, was nineteen and worked on the docks and in the warehouses along The Tyne, taking what work was offered and drinking most of his pay. Indeed he’d been drunk the day Maeve first set eyes on him.

Still clutching his bottle of Brown Ale, he was throwing up and admonishing himself all at the same time. Maeve didn’t know what to make of this untidy apparition as she looked down between the refreshment tents. There he was, barely upright, amongst the crates and strewn empties, the ropes and pegs, half full bottle swinging loosely at the end of his arm while his other hand tried valiantly to keep his glossy black, curly fringe out of harm’s way. Between goips he smiled so sweetly at Maeve, like an angel; and so honestly, without a hint of self-consciousness in his bright green eyes.

“Musta got a dirty bottle.” he slurred in a tone that fully confirmed that his current situation was in no way his fault. Indeed it wasn’t the drink at all, or even the surfeit of it, but a dirty bottle, no question.

Maeve let go a spontaneous laugh before her face assumed a more utilitarian look of mock outrage.

“I wash them bottles!” she said with just a little more self-importance than she intended; or was due so ordinary a job. Danny shrugged, smiled sweetly again, then turned and spat into the grass. He straightened himself to face Maeve, his black curls in his eyes.

The men in Maeve’s family were always drinking so the sight of this good-looking young man drunk in the middle of the afternoon was nothing new or extraordinary. It was a brewery picnic after all.

“Here, gimme a look at ya” she said bossily as she stepped over the guy ropes to join him between the tents. “Let’s get this mess off ya.”

Maeve helped Danny right himself and wiped his mouth and face with a little spit on her favourite cotton handkerchief. The one she’d embroidered so carefully with the little swallows and blue birds. She’d wash it out when she got home. She folded the messy stink into the hankie and tucked it back under her cuff.

Danny, unused to such tender ministration, simply dragged his coat sleeve across his mouth and inspecting it blearily, seemed somewhat perplexed to find no evidence of his late indisposition on the coarse wool. Maeve felt then that she would like this drunken young angel; and Danny, looking at her really for the first time, believed he might have discovered something more intoxicating than drink.

The rest of that summer they spent as much time together as their work and Maeve’s parents would allow. Friends said of them that they were made for each other. Danny’s thirst for the drink seemed to abate. He believed he’d found a good hearted country girl who accepted him for what he was, and Maeve’s friends wondered how long it would be before Danny put the whole thing on a more matrimonial footing.

That would have to wait however.

In September, as the leaves were turning and falling, Danny got a berth as a general hand in a steamer on the Australia run. Maeve’s mammy and da thought just as well. She was only sixteen and Danny wasn’t exactly the match they’d hoped for. He was a good enough young man and he doted on their Maeve, but he drank too much and at such a young age. Perhaps the hard work and discipline at sea would knock some responsibility into him. They hoped for the best for their only daughter.

Danny had first laid out his plans for Maeve and himself one evening as they shared a late cup of tea in a café.

As a treat in the midst of their austerity they’d been to see the new talkie “Blackmail”, at the refurbished Stoll cinema on Westgate Road. Before they went in it was obvious that Danny had something on his mind and to make things worse, during the film Maeve just couldn’t feel at ease. She was distracted by the sound of Anny Ondra’s voice. It just didn’t fit. Sometimes Maeve thought it was someone else’s voice altogether. Besides, people didn’t really behave like this. Well, no-one she knew.

Danny didn’t seem to notice it though. He’d sat, wide eyed, transfixed by the new wonder of sound. Maeve loved his boyish enthusiasms and remembered fondly the day they’d walked some miles along the Durham Road looking for a likely hilltop from which to fly a kite they’d made. It was put together from salvaged brown paper and some willow sticks Danny had dried and then shaped with his penknife. Maeve had made the flutters for the tail from scraps of silk in her sewing box. It had been their first family project, of sorts, and during the making of the kite Danny had shown his serious side. As the chief designer and engineer of the kite he’d directed Maeve in a rather stern manner. His own commitment shown by the appearance of the tip of his tongue, slipping out between his lips on the right side of his mouth as he applied the glue to the brown paper and folded it over the springy willow frame. His reserve when they met outside the cinema, put aside as they sat through “Blackmail”, indicated that whatever it was that was on his mind, it had to be at least as important as the kite.

Oh, but it had been great fun that afternoon. Just a couple of kids in the wind blowing over the rounded hilltop, catching the kite and drawing it high up into the blue arc of the sky filled with fluffy white clouds. Maeve imagined herself and Danny riding the kite through the fat clouds, a sort of cumulo-nimbic inspection with Danny as the exuberant comptroller and she as his avid assistant. It was a glorious afternoon.

As she sat in the darkened cinema watching Danny’s rapt attention to the screen she found her apprehension regarding whatever it was that had been distracting him earlier had completely passed away. She squeezed his hand in the dark and he didn’t seem to notice, so completely was he captivated by the screen. Whatever was on his mind, he’d tell her later.

Danny’s plan, as laid out between excited slurps on his tea and interrupted with flashes retelling the film, was to work as hard as he could, spend as little as was possible and put together a nest egg. Maeve would do the same. When they had put enough aside they would get a little house and their life together would begin. The only thing that seemed to be lacking as Maeve’s mind went off into other clouds of puffy possibility, was an actual proposal of marriage. Danny had managed to describe their current understanding and feelings for one another quite well, if a little dispassionately. Maeve had put this down to his wanting to be serious about his life changing plans for them both. He had then recommenced the narrative of his plan at some point after the wedding when they were already set up in their own little house, perhaps assuming that these details would somehow take care of themselves in the living of it. It certainly didn’t seem important to the telling. Maeve had thought this to be just like a man. The ceremony, the satin and lace would be entirely Maeve’s concern.

That was their plan as Maeve farewelled Danny on Tyneside with the wind and the cold October rain flying in sideways off the North Sea. The miserable cold of their parting did nothing to damp the warm glow Maeve had begun to feel about her life and her future with Danny. More sure of herself than at any time since leaving Cork with her family, she saw her future as assured; Danny had almost given up the drink and he would become a hard worker who might turn his personable nature into advancement for himself. Maeve for her part would bear them many healthy children and keep a happy, tidy house with a welcome for all at the door.

That was how she saw it and was working towards that future when Danny’s first letter arrived postmarked Aden. He wrote of how he missed her and of the hard work on board and how his foreman drove him and the other first timers to exhaustion. He wrote of the voyage across the Mediterranean and down the Suez Canal. He said he wanted to describe everything for her and how exotic so much of it was for a young man out in the wide world for the first time.

The words, scrawled in his spidery ill tutored hand, written lying on his bunk with a borrowed fountain pen, filled her heart and she saw, in the dreamscapes she built with Danny’s detailed descriptions, the flying fish leaping across the sparkling blue Mediterranean while the seabirds followed the ship; she saw the colourful ports and the strange people. These sun drenched visions kept her warm as the bitter northern winter set in.

Maeve took to wearing Danny’s rough woollen coat around the house. The one he’d been wearing the day they’d met. She told herself that she could feel, as if from inside it all, the strong contours of the muscles of his back and shoulders. She could smell him in the coat. She shivered a little in excitement and anticipation. Each night as she sat by the small fire doing her needlework in the parlour, too grand a name for this pokey little front room, she would dream of Danny, casting him as a swashbuckling pirate or brave naval hero. All of these dreams ended with Danny running up the quay, tossing his seabag aside, grasping her about the waist and throwing her up into the air; then, slowly, gently, allowing her to slide down the facing of his donkey jacket until their lips met and the reunion exploded into a passionate embrace ending with a long kiss as they both, entwined, turned slowly on the slick cobbles of the quayside.

Late one evening she became so distracted by her reverie that she pricked her finger with the needle and looking, discovered that she’d made a hash of the work and would have to unpick the lot and do it all over. She threw a few pieces of coal in the little grate and began again. A small inconvenience when balanced against her vision of their future.

Danny’s next letter arrived postmarked Goa. Danny said that the crossing of the Indian Ocean had been stinking; hot hard work during the days and sweltering sleepless nights with no breeze. Below decks tempers flared and apparently the Chinese cook had taken it into his head to murder one of the stokers with a meat cleaver. Maeve was shocked and worried for Danny.

“All Chinamen are mad.” Danny had written, as if that explained the whole thing, but that wasn’t the end of the story.

Danny had intervened as the stoker ran down one of the companionways with the cook close behind. Danny tripped the cook who went sprawling at the bottom of the steps, dropping the cleaver. There’d been a scuffle for the intended murder weapon and Danny’s hand got a grip first, but his grip didn’t quite close and the cleaver slid through a scupper, tumbling down the side of the ship before sploshing into the sea. The stoker disappeared round a corner while Danny got up and wiped himself off. The cook, thwarted in his murderous ambitions, spat vehemently over the side and fixed Danny with an inscrutable oriental eye; apparently he only had the one, before turning and walking off down the deck muttering violent curses only he and his malevolent gods would understand.

The mate had fined Danny 10/6 for the loss of the company’s cleaver and cancelled Danny’s next shore leave. Apparently the cook was mad, but he was a great cook and the First Mate, looking to cool the whole thing down, decided that on this occasion he’d adjudicate the matter as black and white letter of the law. It was Danny’s hand last on the cleaver, it was Danny tripped the cook. The stoker wasn’t called and nobody wanted to deal with the mad Chinaman.

Danny had thought this grossly unfair and told Maeve so in terms that carried the salty smell of the sea right off the paper.

With his next letter from Singapore his mood had blackened. There were no fanciful descriptions of the foreign and bizarre, no tales of sunlit seas and far blue horizons. Just a withering tirade against the mate and his foreman, who Danny wrote “treats me like a slave; and he’s always pushing and kicking the new hands. He’s a ironclad bastard, if you’ll excuse my French!”

She got only a postcard from Fremantle but Danny promised a long letter from Adelaide. It didn’t come.

By the time Danny’s letter from Sydney arrived Maeve had some bad news of her own for Danny. The financial collapse soon after Danny’s departure to sea had seen Newcastle Breweries sack many of its workers; “last on, first off” had seen Maeve lose her job. Her two elder brothers had been laid off too and the family was struggling on only Da’s wage and the little bit Maeve and Mammy brought in from needlework. The brothers were out every day, trudging up and down the waterfront and the warehouses along the Tyne trying to pick up work. As demand for coal dropped, so too the pits began to put men off and Maeve’s Da hoped he could hang on to his job but it seemed the whole town was now unemployed.

Maeve so needed to talk with Danny. She badly needed his old optimism but she had no idea how to contact him other than through the shipping office down on Tyneside. It was only a mile from her home in Gateshead down to the docks so she walked. When she got there one of the shipping clerks told her that apart from radio telegraphy, which she simply couldn’t afford, there was no way she could contact Danny until he would be almost home, and that might be another three or four months depending on cargo and whether they came back via the Cape or Suez or went across the Pacific and through the Panama Canal. The clerk, seeing her distress, took pity on Maeve and offered, “If you come back in a few days we’ll know which way the ship’s going and you might be able to send a letter “Post Restante” to a port along the way, but the seaman would need to know and pick it up. Do you think he’d do that?” It was the best he could do. Maeve was disconsolate. She thanked the clerk adding, “It’s silly, I’m silly! We didn’t make a way for me to write to him.”

She thanked the clerk again and began the walk home, her eyes filling with slow tears. Suddenly she felt as if the bright future she and Danny had planned was in dire peril. With her out of work she couldn’t continue to put that little by each week. Indeed all her savings were going on keeping her own family ahead of the landlord and the sheriff. Uncertainty began to dog her every thought. She abraded herself for not thinking that, of course, she’d want to write to Danny. “That’s what comes of too much daydreaming.” she thought, as a coolness crept into her and she began to doubt herself, Danny, and the future.

Building Block Monster

11 Friday Mar 2011

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Lehan Winifred Ramsay

≈ 13 Comments

Tags

Monster blocks

Building Block Monster

Painting and Story by Lehan Winifred Ramsay

Small autonomous monster blocks will move in the same direction until a small pebble on the ground, a twig, a rough patch, sets them off course. For a long time they will appear to be in formation. Eventually they will veer wildly. The ant sits for what feels like a long, long time, watching them, occasionally nudging one or the other until it moves back into it’s path. But the small monster blocks are reliable only at accomplishing their small tasks. Working together is beyond them, and after consultation with the Ant Elders, the ant has formed a new plan. The small monster blocks will have to nudge and nestle themselves up and over each other block until they form one block. The Building Block Monster. Not yet a social being, but an automated device capable of more complex behaviour.  Capable of social behaviour and limited problem solving. Each block able to mimic the commands of the ant, one block correcting other blocks. One central control containing hierarchical ordering. The Building Block Monster is a RoBlock.

Pig’s Psalm 12 – the Director of Music

09 Wednesday Mar 2011

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay, Pig Psalms

≈ 29 Comments

Tags

humour, Pig's Psalm

It is to you, our Waz,  whizz of musicological magic

That we look for inspiration

And a howling reminder of the great tunefulness of the youtube-o-sphere

Thy range is inexhaustible.

Thy tastes hyper-eclectic, tinged with soppiness

But

Counterbalanced with edgy Zappa-like overtones.

And a tendency to lope off into the sunset with a jaunty, sandy-furred carefree gait.

Blessed be you, our Waz for the music is in you and you are in the music.

Amen (Chorus)

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