Story by Pig’s Arms Society Page Editor Ophelia Bottom

“Abuse, bizarre hazing rituals and misogyny are rampant at the nation’s oldest university, according to a damning new report.”  ABC.def.ghi

The University of Sydney is back in the limelight again, showing that elite Australian academia are not behind in coming all over freshers.

This sad fact did not go unnoticed by third tier academic Vice (and we mean that sincerely) Chancellor Adolph Bangg who stepped up and snapped up a quick consultancy by our former deputy PM and romper boy Barnhappy Jovial.

“Yessiree, just because we’re a new university – in fact the TOP Australian new university doesn’t mean that we can’t haze with the best sandstone edifices” said Bangg from a public lavatory in Victoria Park, Sydney.

Bangg – who was naked and painted green apologised for being early for this years St Patrick’s Day celebrations and promised that the welts, bruises and the distinct small of semen would be right “on the day”.

Barnhappy’s Agent and stage manager Ivor Knackeroff was unavailable for comment at the Pig’s Arms standard comment for cash rate ($39.50 – if you’re interested in spreading scurrilous rooms).

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