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Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle

~ The Home Pub of the Famous Pink Drinks and Trotter's Ale

Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle

Category Archives: The Other Side of the Carpark

Hon and Merv Meet in the Carpark

18 Sunday Dec 2016

Posted by Mark in Sandshoe, The Other Side of the Carpark

≈ 23 Comments

Tags

Christina Binning Wilson, Foodge, Hon Shades, Merv

Will the real Hon Shades step forward please...

Will the real Hon Shades step forward please…

 

Story by Sandshoe.

 

Hon Shades was head down sideways on the car park bitumen and some would say arse up. Something held her attention. Under her Chrysler Merv could see that and he wouldn’t say what I just did about Hon’s rear end. Merv certainly knew an arse up from a pair of well rounded buttocks projected skywards.

He knew they were Hons’.

Merv recognised the rubber ripple tread soles of her special golf shoes she had tucked together under her for support to hold her own rear chassis up and not too far under they couldn’t be seen. Knees splayed for extra traction on a creased portion of a blue camper’s ground sheet she was trying to ferret out something or get to it.

“What’s up, Hon?” Merv called. He made a bit of noise with his feet on the gravel to let her know it was him.

“Who’s that!”

It was more of an exhaled grunt and a gasp than words but Merv got the gist.

“Me,” he said, unnecessarily as it turned out. Hon had gotten herself up and out clear of the sweep of the car line her head was disappearing under. Her muscular thighs propelled her onto her feet in a twist and a leap of the singular muscle that was Hon.

The arm projecting in front of her shoulder was transformed in a classic block and the other raised. Her fist clenched.

“Christ, Merv, it’s only you.”

“You were goin’ to deck me one, Hon.”

“One’s conservative, Merv. I was gonna thrash whoever it was black and blue.”

Merv looked crestfallen.

“Didn’t mean to get your goat up, Hon. What are you doin’? Thought you were at the tournament. You said other day.”

Hon threw herself back down on the tarp and grunted as she resumed the same yellowposture and reaching into the unseen under the chassis of the big yellow Chrysler. She was in it to win it, Merv told Foodge later. Foodge sucked on a lozenge and didn’t comment straight off. He was hands on a big case in court.

Idle curiosity rarely got Foodge best of times.

“Merv, what was she doin’?”

“She dropped a packet of ball bearings and the packet split,” Merv said. He licked a dollop of froth off his top lip.  “Think I was a bit vigorous pouring this beer, mate but it’s nicely cold and wet. It’s doin’ the trick.”

Foodge stared at Merv. “Uncle Merv, I can’t ever remember you havin’ a beer.” He swirled his glass of Milo in a gesture like people do when they’re not sure what’s going down but want to mix it so the Milo isn’t frothed separate only on the top of the milk.

 

“Foodge, I’m a proud man to hear a big shot you are these days calling me Uncle RumpoleMerv”. Tears had sprung into his eyes yet Merv wasn’t one to squander on sentiment at any bar. Maybe because it was the front bar at the Pig’s Arms where the real story was played out all those years before Foodge wasn’t a baby at all as expected, but arrived a full grown adult off the train. Not even the Sports Bar was ever off-limits to him.

Merv’s Granny’s brother built a playpen-style gate even to fence the Sports Bar off ready for the expected littl’un but so Foodge could see through the rungs of course when Emmjay decided to adopt the new baby, Foodge that is.

Foodge looked tearful. Turned out he got some Milo up his nose and sneezed. “Ahh,” he said, snuffling like he was always a new born and the very tip of his nose moist with a speck of Milo on it, “Merv, why’d Hon Shades have a packet of ball bearings?”

“Dunno” Merv said, staring in front of him into thin air. “Hon’s got lots goin’ on up top. Never know what extra hours she’s puttin’ in, cash in hand, there’s always somethin’. Hon’s an ace mechanic.”

Milo

Milo

Sybil Lupp 1916-1994

19 Wednesday Feb 2014

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in The Other Side of the Carpark, The Sports Bar

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

E-Type, Jaguar Cars, MG cars, Sybil Lupp

A treasure discovered by Sandshoe

Driving the Baker’s Cart

15 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in The Other Side of the Carpark

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

Baker's Cart, horse drawn

Delivering Bread (Queensland 1954)

Delivering Bread (Queensland 1954)

Nostalgic memories of boyhood.

The Pig’s Arms Welcomes Esormirp.

The tantalizing aroma of freshly baked bread; the horsy smell of the leather harness; overridden occasionally by the pong of steamy horse dung, blended well the clip clop sound of the old horse’s hooves on the roadway as it ambled down the suburban streets of Carlisle (Perth WA) What pleasure I experienced as a small boy sitting on the driver’s seat of the baker’s cart, guiding the horse with the reins held loosely in my hands; I was in charge — or so I believed.

Being the baker’s off-sider and driving his cart was a much sought-after school holiday pleasure. I was proud when I was the one chosen from our excited group of seven to nine year olds to guide the cart while the baker jogged from house to house, making deliveries from his basket of loaves — occasionally returning to the cart to refill.

It was an opportunity to show I could be trusted; to do the job well and enhance my chances of being chosen again. Sometimes the baker would even let me drive the cart all the way back to Moylan’s Bakery in Victoria Park, as we returned to replenish his supply of loaves. What joy I felt. But he always took over the reins at the last minute as the cart entered the broad coble-stoned yard of the Bakery, to join in the hive of activity and noise as other delivery men with their horses and carts gathered there to do likewise.

And while the baker re-stacked his cart with loaves, he’d let me fetch a serving of oats from the stables to put in the feed bag he placed over old horse’s head, which the horse chomped on contentedly as it rested.  It was another responsible task for a small boy; great care had to be taken not to spill the oats from the small bucket. And I’d give the horse a little pat and scratch his ears as he fed, thanking him quietly for behaving while I was in charge — I’m sure he understood as he always responded with a shake of his head.

Then with re- loading finished we’d be off again to complete deliveries. And at the end of the morning the baker would return me home, where I proudly presented my mum with the reward I’d received for a job well done; a selected loaf of bread — a scrumptious cottage loaf with a crusty plait across the top.

Ah! Those were the days.

Extracted from  TALL TIMBER; Brown Paper and Porridge, published in 2010.

Ducati 250 Mk 3 Desmo

31 Monday May 2010

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay, The Other Side of the Carpark, The Public Bar

≈ 20 Comments

Ducati 250cc Mk III - photos courtesy of Stew Ross

The Pig’s Arms has clocked up its first year and nearly every day we get a person or two coming over to read the piece mentioning perhaps the greatest road bike ever built – the Ducati 900ss.  This was a monster that sorted out the men from the boys simply by having a clutch beyond the power of a wimp to engage.  It was a beautiful, elegant piece of open road mischief, and a mechanics’ dream to keep on the road.  But for any serious motorcyclist of the 1970s and beyond, it was street cred writ large.

I have never owned one and the closest I’ve come to riding one was a more modern, heavier and more brutal Mike Hailwood replica.

But for a year or so I did have the pleasure of riding my girlfriend’s Ducati 250 Mk III Desmo.  At the time I owned and rode a BMW R75/6 –  a sweet as a nut touring bike with a bikini fairing borrowed from the big brother R90/6.

What a contrast !  The Duke weighed about half as much as the BM and was tiny in comparison.  But it was a joy to ride.  And it was reputedly good for 100 mph.  But it was pretty scary over 70 or 80 – probably because I was always short of coin in those days and I used to eke out the last adhesion available in the Pirellis, Michelins, Avons or Metzelers or Continentals – or whatever the last owner had graciously conceded at sale time.

And another small matter was that the gear shift and rear brake were respectively on the right and left – the opposite of just about everything else on two wheels at the time.  Not a good idea to forget this in a decreasing radius corner.

When one piles the miles on one’s own clock, it’s easy to forget the simple pleasures of youth. Every now and again, I feel a hankering for the thrills of my life back then. Last weekend, FM and I ticked one item off our bucket list and went off on a Ferrari drive weekend.  We went in convoy behind a generously-driven Alfa GT and drove from Sydney down to Kiama- via the Royal national Park, along the seabridge and through Jamberoo.  We took turns in a 1988 F328 manual – the best in my view – an F355, F360 and a 2006 F430.  The newish one had 500 horses under the bonnet and acceleration that was beyond belief.   Make no mistake, driving a Ferrari is a blast, but the average number of outings per year undertaken by people who are so indulgent that they buy one – is just 12.  A toy.  And a bloody expensive one at that.  The excess insurance for the weekend was a snip at $10,000 and so we were all rather careful that we didn’t need to call it in.

But cars, are well, just cars and when I was thinking about my old bikes  (most of which had stellar acceleration by car standards ) and eyeball-popping brakes – and some also had handling too, my thoughts returned to one of the greatest little motorcycles ever built.  I was fooling around looking for pictures and videos of the little beast – having little or no chance of finding my own and I discovered over at Youtube a clip of a Ducati 250 (probably an early 70’s Mk III following a Ferrari 328 along a freeway. Go find that for yourself.   But there were better images to be had and there’s  a video for your delight below.

The spectacular Ducati singles were made mostly in the late ’60s and early ’70s.   Ducati started out with the small 250s – and as many manufacturers have done – they upped the ante by hotting up the 250, that later became a 350 and an astonishingly good wheel-standing 450.   Big M said he saw a 450 for sale recently unrestored – asking price ten grand.  And Duke restoration is a heroic undertaking requiring highly specialised and detailed mechanical engineering knowledge – or access to that bloke.

Then Ducati had a little brain explosion and built something ordinary – the 500cc parallel twin.  Redeemed later with the gorgeous SL500 V twin Desmo Pantah in the early 1980s.  One of which is in FM ‘s Dad’s shed waiting for me to cash up.

In the mean time I also found one of a solid band of Australian collectors and restorers and Stewart Ross kindly gave me the use of photographs of his amazing concourse condition 1968 Ducati 250 Mk III.  My girlfriend’s bike was probably one year older and had – of all things, two filler caps on the tank.  Photos of that model are even more rare – many actually being a 350.

Best movie is a bit cheesy and it’s a very modern 250.  But it certainly brings it all back for me.

Enjoy you old road warriors.  Vale Dennis Hopper.

Cows and Annemarie

23 Tuesday Feb 2010

Posted by gerard oosterman in Gerard Oosterman, The Other Side of the Carpark, Travels

≈ 33 Comments

Battered old brown leather suitcase against a white background

When I was told that ‘Dutchies’ were popular with the girls in Melbourne, I packed a small suitcase, kick-started the Lambretta and headed south. At age 17 the discovery of Ma paw and her five daughters some years before had grown a bit wearisome and needed reviving. The change from left to right hand did not quite satisfy the yearning. I longed for a real girl friend and tales of conquests from work mates at the factory of Spectacle Makers in Clarence Street  only egged me on to at least give Melbourne a go.

I packed a suit, recently bought from Reuben’s Scarf. The two suits for the price of one was the deciding factor. The coats were a bit big and would have looked better on a Paganini just before his burial where some claim he could be heard to play his final violin concert even underground afterwards. In those days, the wearing of a suit was somewhat superfluous but with the fragile state of my confidence, I thought it would stand me in good stead with those Melbournian girls in need of a Dutchman.

My father was most circumspect of this journey by a 150cc scooter and held grave fears. Never the less, at departure I shook hands and kissed my mother. Strange, thinking back of that shaking hands business. Back in 1958 travelling to Melbourne had been undertaken before. My dad made me feel as if I was Mawson on discovery of another polar region.

The suitcase had survived the Trans Atlantic and Indian Ocean trip a  couple of years before and even though battered, it did have locks on the lid with a key that fitted. It was made of leather looking carton and also had a handy strap with a buckle just to make sure it would not open un-expectantly. The rest of the suitcase included fresh singlets, shirts with ties and some Lambretta spares, contact points, spark plug and spanner, underpants. I still had the address of a Dutch family and a lovely daughter named ‘Annemarie’ whom I had met on the trip over a year before. The table tennis tournaments on board of The Johan Van OldenBarnevelt were made more interesting by the enthusiastic playing of Annemarie, she was fast and while bending over the tennis table I noticed her teen cleavage. I was lost already then!

‘Don’t forget the catechism Gerardus Antonius,’ mother urged me with some concern of my deeply soiled soul, no doubt worried about those nocturnal emissions on singlets. “Have you got your maps handy”, mum asked kindly? Yes, mum.” What about the spare spark plug?” ‘Yes dad.’ A final handshake and a kiss to mum, I kick-started the scooter and rode away like something out of ‘High Noon’. I looked in the mirror with mum still waving but dad had gone.

The beginning of the trip went past areas that I had been before, Bankstown, Liverpool and Ingleburn. Then new territory opened up and from then on it became the adventure that lasted about three weeks. Somewhere past Gundagai and Wagga Wagga I turned left and this is where the adventure became a bit more serious. Most of the roads became gravel or dirt tracks and through steeply mountainous terrain. After about travelling a hundred kilometres or so, a huge mob of cows blocked my way. I stopped and tried to look and behave as nonchalantly as possible. I was terrified they would trample all over me and my scooter and suitcase. ‘A rampaging herd of cattle trampled a lone traveller with scooter.’ ‘My dad would read in the afternoon edition of the Mirror, with an arrow pointing to my body and dead scooter.’

They were in their hundreds and did not want to budge. Their bovine manner got to me and I thought it best to pretend to be one of them. I started mooing and instantly became one of them, disguised my scooter with branches and just waited while smoking my Graven A’s, hoping the cows would understand!.

It seemed hours but the hunger for food must have got to the cattle. A couple started sauntering past me, bellowing, and signalling perhaps for the others to follow. Then, as on cue, they all started and with incredible agility they all ran past me. The dust was choking me but I had escaped the hooves and horns of the mob of cattle.

My expected arrival at Melbourne did involve a stop prior to knocking on the door of Annemarie’s parents place and behind an old eucalypt, changed into my Ruben’s Scarf suit and did a general spruce-up!

Annemarie, here I come!

Answer to a Girl’s Prayers – the Pig-tel USB Solar Hair Dryer

26 Tuesday Jan 2010

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Pig-Tel Products, The Other Side of the Carpark

≈ 9 Comments

Digital Hot Air from Warrigal

Especially for Emma J – you requested one – and Pig-tel delivers

for just 3 monthly payments of $39.95 plus postage and handline ($287.00)

another great Pig-tel product can be yours.

If you’re not completely satisfied, return the unused portion and we’ll give you a full refund (excluding postage and handling) – what could be fairer than that ?

First ten callers will receive a hat of our choosing – possibly with the Pig-tel logo.

Good boy

28 Monday Dec 2009

Posted by gerard oosterman in Gerard Oosterman, The Other Side of the Carpark

≈ 5 Comments

The rains finally came as promised. The first night 33 ml and last night another 46ml. The dams are slowly filling and the river is showing a modest flow. Did not stop about 50 Black Angus cows from crossing over the river and eating our left- over’s of green stuff. This has been an ongoing problem, especially with the previous owners. T.Hughes QC, with daughter Lucy apparently owning a couple of hundred of them. Milo soon chased them over and away.” Good boy, Milo”. Here have some charcoal grilled chicken left over from Oatley where we were for Christmas Eve.

One of the grandsons was given a Wii and daughter’s partner, who had turned up with a ‘working’ Kelpie, managed to connect it and put all sorts of complicated things together. Soon our grandson Thomas was frantically swaying and hopping backwards in front of the screen with some magic wand, he was doing Basketball and Frisbee interconnecting with the screen. Explosions, loud whistling and thunderous crowd cheering seemed the essence of it all.

The kelpie was smart and stayed well away from the Wii mayhem.  All by himself in the kitchen.  In fact, at one stage he thought the kitchen table, laden with food, was as good as the back of the Ute. He feasted as never before. He had been such a good boy and surely the ham and prawns were for his hard work too.

Don’t tell anybody. I just scooped the left over sliced ham, the strayed prawns, the chicken wings and charcoal grilled chicken, even the tabouleh back on the plates.  All went for second (hand), third helpings.

Me and Kelpie stayed mum.

Peta and Animal Abuse

07 Monday Dec 2009

Posted by gerard oosterman in The Other Side of the Carpark, The Public Bar

≈ 8 Comments

Of animals and stock at Lambing flats;

Farmers are always hard done by, especially in Australia. Has anyone ever tried growing anything in this unforgiving soil and climate? Recently the issue of animal cruelty has come up whereby the mulesing of sheep has drawn worldwide condemnation. Australian wool was boycotted and the video footage shown, of sheep getting plate size skin torn off around their anal and genital area, was hard to defend. Sheep were bred for large wool bearing surface areas. This resulted in sheep getting all those folds whereby the opportunistic Lucy fly would lay its eggs underneath the tail and when hatched, those larvae would eat some sheep alive. It is a cruel life.

mulesing

Of course, the mulesing was not all that sheep have to endure. The cutting of tails has been done for decades as well and not only with sheep. The docking of tails has now been outlawed in dogs. Checking dog show websites the ‘Jack Russell’s’ are still shown without tails.  Who is still doing the cutting, and why?

Some of the farmers are now breeding sheep without loose skin and all sheep breeders are on notice to stop mulesing by 2010. In The Netherlands, after testing sheep with and without tails, the conclusion was that health problems between them was negligible and those without tails did not have any less problems. All tail cutting has now been banned there.

We have now enjoyed farm life for 13 years here and have resisted by hook and by crook all those things that one is expected to follow in animal husbandry. In fact we are probably the most negligent farmers around, albeit ‘hobby farmer’.

Livestock are increasingly being targeted by the large pharmaceutical corporations.  Vaccinations now are carried out at least twice a year, if not three to four times. Drenching against high worm burdens. Selenium, copper, zinc applications are also often favoured treatments in keeping animals. Then, molasses, vinegar, high protein pellets. All at high cost to the farmers and suggested as minimum supplements to keep all stock healthy. In fact, I suspect that at the back of farm sheds one could easily encounter complete chemical laboratories.

We decided against all advice and perhaps generally doing things opposite the accepted norms  to keep all chemical to animals to a minimum. We have never vaccinated nor drenched nor given molasses nor vinegar nor selenium nor copper or anything else to our animals and allowed them to eat what they find. We decided to do this because at earlier farm lives back in The Netherlands vetenarery care was mainly practised by governmental professionals. Animal health came before corporate profit then. It was rare to interfere with animals that were healthy.

So far we have covered animals. Let us have a closer look at the land. We bought our property that had the advantage of having been ‘unimproved’ meaning that it had no history of super phosphate being spread over the paddocks. This is what we wanted, and apart from spreading natural manure around, have never applied super phosphate. We are lucky in having a limey soil structure with acidity low. Now, the local shire inspects all this and gives out notices to spray weeds, the weeds need to be sprayed with increasing strengths and with a lethal combination in combating ‘herbicide resistance.’

It is not easy being a farmer.

A Promised Land.

23 Sunday Aug 2009

Posted by gerard oosterman in The Other Side of the Carpark, The Public Bar

≈ Leave a comment

By oosterman

Dinner inside Nissan hut

Dinner in the Nissan hut.

After a most enjoyable 5 weeks on board The Johan Van Oldenbarnevelt since leaving Rotterdam, I finally disembarked at the Sydney’s Circular quay side back in 1956. My first milk shake at the Spiro’s milk bar in George Street and a look at St Mary’s cathedral is what I still remember. However, more etched into my mind is what followed then.

It was sometime in the afternoon when those destined for Scheyville migrant camp were asked to assemble at the quay side. Our luggage would follow the bus in trucks. Of course, no one knew where that camp was situated. Somewhere in Sydney is what we were told. The bus was thus loaded with lots of shut jaw clamped migrants. We would finally face the reality of what our parents had undertaken.  Some of them we befriended during the boat trip over, including a family of Dutch Indonesian born. They were content to be just in a warmer place regardless of anything else!

I was just happy to look out of the bus window and more than curious what Australia and the sub-tropics were all about. I noticed first of all a kind of architectural chaos with many advertising hoardings and scrambles of signs vying for attention. This was (and still is) Parramatta Rd in full glory.

Being February and hot, I noticed after about ‘n hour’s drive or so, that the bus stopped and driver got out but we were staying put. It took some time and after lots of sweating that the driver got back in and we continued. It was well after arrival, a few days later, that we heard that the driver had got a ‘couple’ from the Locomotive Hotel at Homebush. I believe this pub is now a Pizza Franchise.

Nissan hut migrant camp.

Our arrival at Scheyville was surprising. My mother first thought that those Nissan Huts were for the push bikes. I was more circumspect as I noticed beds with mattresses and, when I opened a drawer it had crusts of bread in it.  The afternoon heat and the long drive did not lessen my or my brothers enthusiasm for exploring the surroundings. The camp was surrounded by water as heavy monsoonal rains had fallen nonstop the previous few days. In no time were our shoes muddy. My dad in his Dutch mind set could not accept at once the extraordinary changes overwhelming him. The mud on shoes was so foreign and frightening… It was all happening too fast and he could simply not absorb this slip in order and neatness. He gave us a good smack.

Me and my brothers took it all in our stride and had our youth to back up any strangeness. In fact, it was this foreignness that excited us most. Fancy, on the next day excursion finding trees with orange coloured fruit on them.  We climbed the fence and pinched some but they were unripe so we chucked them feeling like millionaires.

My parents had a job adjusting to the Nissan huts, the general squalor with meals eaten in communal areas on timber benches. The camp seemed to be managed by Australians but the workers such as cooks, cleaning and kitchen staff were refugees from Poland, Hungary and Russia. In those communal eating areas, huge steel tins of chunky melon and pineapple jam were on wooden tables with pre-sliced white bread. Plates were laden with steaming slices of lamb and rich gravy, endless supplies of peas and carrots. Second helpings as well.

Australia was the ‘promised ‘land” after all.

Wombat calling.

11 Tuesday Aug 2009

Posted by gerard oosterman in The Other Side of the Carpark, The Public Bar

≈ Leave a comment

The most baffling aspect of the wombats is the way they communicate with those that happen to share their domain. We have been here over 13 years and each time we go somewhere it involves a drive to the front gate and a laneway that have poplars growing on both sides. Perhaps two hundred in total which we planted some 12 years ago  but which have at least tenfolded in hight during that time.

The laneway is not straight and with some imagination and squinting eyes, the poplars in full leaf, the laneway  could resemble a Vermeer painting.

When we arrive at the gate,which has to be kept open by a flat piece of stone to  prevent is from swinging back, never having invested in a fancy solar powered electric motor that will open gates remotely without the need to leave the car, this flat piece of stone always has the wombat’s calling card in the shape of green almost square nuggets of shit.  Why does it do this?

Is the wombat extending a hand of friendship or is it more sinister and telling us to bugger off?

They are capable of digging enormous homes underground with large dykes around it preventing flooding during rain. The previous owners have tried by ramming old vehicles and complete bogies into the holes to try and resettle them away from fences or dams. All to no avail. They simply dig back in the same spot and the fence posts will once again be dangling in mid air and the dam will start to lose its water again. 

We have never bothered them and the numbers are now huge. At night, and with the help of a moon you can sometimes see them sauntering by on their way to matings or just to the front gate, perhaps to drop another one on the flat stone.  They also insist on doing the same on the stump that remained after we cut a tree near our house. They love to shit on elevated surfaces.

 Is it their calling card to say hello?

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