Category Archives: Mark

Hung from the Heart

23 Friday Dec 2011

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This pub looks familiar – I think I’ll have a Trotters Ale

 

Hung From The Heart by Hung One On

 

Hey, a heart is a powerful thing

It keeps us alive beating non stop

From birth to death

If  I speak from the heart

I may offend or discriminate

But that ain’t what I will want to do

To speak the truth takes courage

However the truth is different to different eyes

Me, I don’t care where you came from

The colour of your skin

To me it’s you, that’s what makes me like you

You may be smart, you may be dumb

If you are genuine then that’s okay

Racism and bigots I don’t like

But if you have a view

Put it up for discussion, lets hear it

Nothing wrong with that but don’t expect me to agree

Again, nothing wrong with that

Me, I get my most pleasure from others

My wife and kids, my patients

I love seeing them be happy

Last night a lady resident with dysphagia

Was crying and upset

I held her hand and asked her all the usual dumb questions

“Are you in pain?”

“Do you want fries with that?”

She tried to tell me what was wrong.

She squeezed my hand hard. She was down.

In the end she said “Don’t worry. I’ll be alright”

As clear as day, dysphagia?

I see a lot of depression

It takes one to know one

Doing something for them is so hard for some

But easy for me

I go to work, sometimes tired, not enough sleep,

“Hey Hung, can I have some Panadol?”

Sure, how easy is that

Most of friends are gone now

Thanks to the Black Dog

The crew at The Arms are my friends now

I talk from the heart

I wear it on my sleeve

I pay a price, I pay my dues

Father O’Way in Sri Lanka

08 Thursday Sep 2011

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Licky licky goo goo

 

Hi, look Father O’Way here. I’m really miffed. The Bish, you know Bishop Bishop of the St Generic Brand Church of Inner Western Cyberia has got the audacity to ring me in the Caribbean on my holidays with the beautiful Belinda to do a job.

 Anyhoo, enough whingeing. I have to go and find out what is going on behind the scenes in the Australian cricket team. Apparently the selectors have been dumped and everyone hates Greg Crapell, I mean, is this the bleeding obvious or what.

So I fly to Sri Lanka, you know the home of the paradise island, tea, coconuts and rocket launchers. Geez, thanks Bish.

Using some suspicious white powder, some green looking dried vegetable and gold bars I work my way into the inner sanctum of Australian cricket, the bar.

As usual all of the players have finished their lines, cocaine usually and are chatting around the bar.

“Did you all hear old chaps that Greg Crapell will be staying on for the tour?” I asked the group of players.

Ah f#@k, s@#t, p@#s, Geez a@#s were some of the more notable replies.

“What do think Greg can add to the team?” Geeps, who are my script writers, I’ll get killed for this.

F@#k all, he’s absolutely s#@t from a alpaca, for f@#k sake burn him at the stake and he doesn’t even eat meat, eeeewwww, were some of the more common answers.

“You have won the first test and would be confident going into the next match. I see that a former groundsman has been capped and did well, what are your thoughts on this?” Man, I’m shitting my self asking this one, I mean these guys are on coke, pissed, rich, ego centric, fit, aggressive, nasty, win at all costs sort of dudes.

F@#king good on ‘im mate, geez them wops are p@#s weak, can’t beat a f@#king groundsman, a@#s lickers mate, again were some of the more notable comments.

“Do you think Greg  Crapell is the sort of guy that attracts lots of # symbols and @ symbols?” I venture rather nervously. This crowd is getting ugly.

F@#king oath, you bet you a@#e and F@#k you uncle, again were more of the notable replies.

Father O’Way here. Signing out, in his lounge room, Nowhere, I hope….

FOW – Climate change for Dummies

22 Friday Jul 2011

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Hi. Father O’Way(FOW) here. You know me now as Sandy, affectionately I’m sure. Anyhoo I have been asked to interview Lourdes Shitstirfer Muckrake(LSM). As you know there has been a lot of debate going on over at The Drum about climate change so I’m interviewing a leading critic against climate change. Here’s a transcript.

 

FOW: So, Lourdes Shitstirfer you oppose climate change and even say that the planet is cooling?

LSM: Please, call me Shit. Most people that know me refer to me by that name.

FOW: Okay, Shit, you claim that the planet is cooling?

LSM: Yes, from one year to another the temperature changed, big deal, I mean who gives a fig. If you look at 2000 to 2010 the temperature went down.

FOW: However the temperature from 1880 to now has gone up, how do you explain that?

LSM: That’s crap.

FOW: Sorry, I thought you said it was Shit.

LSM: Yes, it’s Shit but that’s crap.

FOW: Crap?

LSM: Yes, shit.

FOW: Hmm, how about the oceans are acidifying?

LSM: Hey, nothing wrong with a bit of acid man, I mean, my school days and that, wow.

FOW: What about the rising coastline?

LSM: Yeah, man, surf’s up in the western suburbs, whoa!

FOW: How about renewable energy?

LSM: If it’s renewable and that energy can be renewed then I think that renewable energy is very renewable and therefore renewable.

FOW: That’s crap?

LSM: No, Shit.

FOW: You actually didn’t say anything

LSM: No shit.

 

Sandy O’Way signing out, In His House, Nowhere.

Father O’Way: Religion for Dummies

24 Friday Jun 2011

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Hello. Hung One On (HOO)  here. Look, all this brouhaha about religion has sent me to the far corners of the earth to interview our own parish priest form the inner western suburbs of Inner Cyberia Father “Sandy” O’Way (FOW). As two intellectual giants we will battle it out about religion, God and life after death. Here’s a transcript.

HOO: So Sandy, all this stuff in the media lately about religion over at the old Unleashed, you know about how Chaplains are being placed in schools and how they may proselytize?

FOW: Sorry Hung but I take deep offence that you accuse us of us having sex with little boys.

HOO: No, Sandy, that’s paedophilia, I mean proselytize.

FOW: If you think that I’m going to get dressed up in black suspenders and stockings and stand on a corner then you have another thing coming.

HOO: No, Sandy, that’s prostitution, I mean proselytize.

FOW: We can never be guilty of that however we usually do this,  convert someone to another religion or opinion; convert to another religion or faith; enlist someone to one’s cause (also proselytise) . Get the picture?

HOO: So Sandy, the big one, is there a God?

FOW: Well, there’s a Gordon but don’t know about God.

HOO: Is there life after death?

FOW: No, unless you owe the tax office.

HOO: What do you think about the articles posted by Astyages an atomou concerning their views on Greek mythology?

FOW: Isn’t it marvellous watching two geniuses arguing over absolute bullshit, I mean they take bullshit to a new level. I mean the different side of the river bank, cut me to pieces that one.

HOO: Hmm, Do you speak with God?

FOW: Oh, shit yeah, all the time, I have his number in my mobile, lets talk to him.

[Ring, ring]

GOD: Hello God, here, Gordon O’Donnell [GOD]

HOO: Er, Hung here God, there has been a bit of a storm here lately about religion and you know the big one, life after death, that sort of thing and I was wondering if I could get your view on these issues?

GOD: Jesus Hung, pretty big subjects but let me see, religion is the choice of the individual but should be kept away from kids, life after death, well sort of, I’d probably give you two to one on but you probably just die, well sort of, you know what I mean.

HOO: But Gordon, that sounds like you are trying to have a bit each way?

GOD: Well Hung, I’m not dead yet so I can’t answer the question, anyway got to go, watching 25 years of The Bill.

Whew, heady stuff. Anyhoo I’ll sign off, Hung One On, Inside his House, No Where.

The Eye of God as seen from the Hubble Telescope

 

PS: For Warrigal, hopefully a smile has been delivered by the good Father.

Glenn Knowles

16 Thursday Jun 2011

Posted by in Bands at the Pig's Arms, Mark

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Glenn Knowles

 

Hi. Hung here. This is Tutu’s cousin Glenn. He recorded this song earlier this year. Here’s an extract from an email I received from Glenn’s brother John, who is a professional comedian who has a regular gig at the Enmore Theatre, pub, whatever I think.

My brother Glenn has just recorded some new songs at Steve Peach’s Studio in Sydney. I’m trying to help connect him with people I know that may have a project that could utilise one of them and or media-folk who may wish to play it on air. The tune attached, ‘Kiss Me’ is poppy, some of the others rock a bit harder. If you are curious about his other tracks, please let Glenn know. (details below)
walkergknowles@hotmail.com
Thanks piglets.

Father O’Way and Burb Dylan

24 Tuesday May 2011

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Burb Dylan – Unlive

Hi. Father “Sandy” O’Way here. I have just landed an interview with Burb Dylan, you know, the singer. Anyhoo, apparently he has turned 71 for the tenth time. Here’s a transcript.

FOW: So Burb you are now 71 again, how does it feel?

BD: Sandy, you know, well the times they are a changing.

FOW: Hmm, yes well, I believe that you recently revealed that you were a heroin addict. When I was a kid my favourite heroine was Maureen O’Hara, do you remember her?

BD: Yes, sure do, in them pirate movies, I mean was she knocking on heavens door.

FOW: I believe you have lost money on the stock market?

BD: Yes Sandy, just like a rolling stone.

FOW: Hey Burb, are you going to answer me every time with a line from one of your songs?

BD: Just like a woman, I’m stuck in the middle with you.

FOW: But I’m a bloke

BD: Well hey Mr Tamborine man play a song for me

FOW: Do you think that you have succumbed to capitalism?

BD: Well Sandy, no matter what, you gotta serve somebody.

FOW: To wrap up Burb what’s the best advice you have for your audience?

BD: I think that lay lady lay, if not for you of course, Oh sister, forever young, tangled in blue, forever young with the joker man, so one day I will be released and can then shelter from the storm.

FOW: This is getting nowhere!

O’Way on the Trail

19 Thursday May 2011

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Osama Ben Lardin before seals

Hi. Father O’Way here. Just thought I’d let you know that I have had an exclusive interview with , you know, with the chief villain,  Osama Ben Lardin,  who is on holidays in YouBetYaStan. Here’s a transcript.

 FOW: So, Obama, mate, is it okay to call you Barrick?

OBL: My name is Osama, Obama is the president of the United States of America.

FOW: Wow, I love that band, you know, “Lump sits alone in a lonely heart dah dah dah da, yeah, She’s lump, she’s lump she’s in my head. She’s lump, she’s lump,  she might be dead, yeah, dah, dah, dah, da, dah, da”

OBL: No, you fool, my sworn enemy

FOW: Speaking of that, do you think Barry Hall should have stayed with  the Swans?

OBL: Hall and Swans, who are they, just kill.

FOW: Do you think Jamie Soward is the real play maker?

OBL: Just kill them and then find out

FOW: Do you think Shame Worn was fined to much for telling a zarking stupid cricket secretary that he was a zarking stupid cricket secretary?

OBL: Who the zark is Shame Worn I jus wanna kill yeah, man.

FOW: Will Mark Webber be able to repeat the feat of Alan Jones?

OBL: I’m coming to kill you !

FOW: Hand on a minute Ossie, there’s someone at the door

12.3 The Birthday Final

06 Friday May 2011

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Pic by Warrigal

The story so far, Sandy, that’s me, I have to reset the expiry date on Gordon’s One Card. The only place I can do that is at the bottom of a mountain guarded by a blood thirsty war tribe on a distant planet. Sounds fun, not.

The girls are out fighting the Stumponian Battle Fleet while I look for every hiding place I can find. Not into this fighting thing. Alas the S.S. Julian II has been able to beam me down into the room at the bottom of Mount TheKerb that houses the ATM. The bad part is only I could get through and I’ve come face to face with the evil Lord Axelrod the Marauder, who also turns out to have been my brother David in a previous life, being mine. One scary dude let me tell you.

“So Sandy we finally meet” grins Axelrod. Yeah, great. Just what I needed.

“Ur, um, yeah, like, you know, like I have to reset the card er, um, like, you know what I mean Alexrod” I stammer.

“We fight to the death with swords” he reply’s thrusting  the weapon in my direction.

“Hey look, I did that trip with Dad and he didn’t come off to good” I relate, thinking about Lord Deaf Visions untimely death. “Look how about hand paper scissors or draughts, occupational health and safety and all that” I plead.

“You have been sent for the bail as well Sandy” says Alexrod “so we fight to the death”

Zark. Why does everything in space involve a fight. I mean just can’t we all love one another plus I’m a coward and just want to get the zark out of here.

I didn’t last long in the sword fight and in less than a few minutes Alexrod has me pinned in the corner and is about to kill me when the Helvi-bot arrives and kicks Alexrods sword away while simultaneously shooting him in the arm. Who says women can’t multi-task.

I reset the expiry date and pick up the bail while Helvi holds a gun on Alexrod. Wow, you wait till I tell my work buddies. “Waddya do in the holidays Sandy?” they will ask to which I might just say “Oh, held a murderous tribal leader with a gun or two in an intergalactic war where cricket rules”. To which they reply “That Sandy is one crazy dude”.

I examine Alexrods wounds and say “Not to bad, you’ll live”

“Don’t worry Sandy, I’ll be Bach” replies Alexrod.

“No, I think you mean back don’t you?”